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Clips from Mike & Molly - First Date (S01E01)

"Yeah, and that's why most of your clothes fit you like a car cover."
Mike & Molly
"Mm-hmm, and keeping the tree sap off your paint job, I got it."
Mike & Molly
"- Hey, Carl. - Cousin Andre."
Mike & Molly
"Good to see you. What brings you here?"
Mike & Molly
"I brought you a customer. Meet Andre, owner and proprietor of Andre's Big & Tall."
Mike & Molly
"- What you looking for today? - Mike's got a hot date."
Mike & Molly
"I'm trying to get him a look that pops."
Mike & Molly
"All my clothes pop eventually."
Mike & Molly
"See? He's not wrong."
Mike & Molly
"Uh, I mean, look at you, you're dressed like a UPS truck."
Mike & Molly
"Hey, brown is an autumn color. I have been told that I am an autumn."
Mike & Molly
"You're an autumn and two months of winter."
Mike & Molly
"Look, just give this a chance."
Mike & Molly
"Open yourself up to a new style, a new look, maybe even a whole new you."
Mike & Molly
"Don't oversell it, brother. They're just clothes."
Mike & Molly
"- All right, what the heck. - There you go."
Mike & Molly
"I'm open to a little color, but nothing too crazy."
Mike & Molly
"I don't want my date to open a door and scream, "Hey, Kool-Aid.""
Mike & Molly
"I got you. We'll stay away from primary colors."
Mike & Molly
"Good, and, uh, no horizontal stripes."
Mike & Molly
"Horizontal stripes?"
Mike & Molly
"Look, you are not my first big boy rodeo."
Mike & Molly
"Look, don't worry. I'm not letting you walk out of here without looking your best."
Mike & Molly
"That's the truth. We got a 400-pound uncle he made look like Wesley Snipes."
Mike & Molly
"He's a handsome man."
Mike & Molly
"And everything I sell has a 30-day, money-back guarantee."
Mike & Molly
"Unless, of course, you get it sweaty or spill gravy on it."
Mike & Molly
"- Probably don't get a lot of returns. - Not a one."
Mike & Molly
"You wait here, while I grab things off the rack."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, feel free to help yourself to some chocolate milk and Hot Pockets."
Mike & Molly
"Hot Pockets. Damn, he's got an entrepreneurial mind."
Mike & Molly
"Molly, you really should call and cancel with this guy."
Mike & Molly
"I don't wanna cancel. It took him forever to ask me out."
Mike & Molly
"...he's gonna think I'm making some lame excuse."
Mike & Molly
"Well, do what you want."
Mike & Molly
"But I'm just saying guys hate it when you sneeze on their wieners."
Mike & Molly
"- Here, baby, drink this cough syrup. - Oh, good. Thank you."
Mike & Molly
"Mm."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, slow down there, slugger, that's got codeine in it."
Mike & Molly
"God, Mom."
Mike & Molly
"Don't worry. You'll be fine."
Mike & Molly
"As long as you're not driving a car or nursing a baby."
Mike & Molly
"Live and learn."
Mike & Molly
"Well, how do I look?"
Mike & Molly
"- Very cute. - Absolutely adorable."
Mike & Molly
"You're lying. I look like Kathy Bates in misery."
Mike & Molly
"That's who it is."
Mike & Molly
"Help your sister get it together. I'll keep Shrek on ice."
Mike & Molly
"Hey, don't tell him I'm sick."
Mike & Molly
"Don't worry. I've been lying to cops since you were in shoplifted diapers."
Mike & Molly
"- You want a condom? - No."
Mike & Molly
"Okay. What about lube?"
Mike & Molly
"It's our first date."
Mike & Molly
"Better to have lube and not need it than need lube and not have it."
Mike & Molly
"Ah, there we go. Come on in. She'll be right down."
Mike & Molly
"Thanks, Mrs. Flynn."
Mike & Molly
"My friends call me Joyce. Sit down."
Mike & Molly
"Thanks, Joyce."
Mike & Molly
"Nice sweater."
Mike & Molly
"- Was it a gift? - No."
Mike & Molly
"Really? You paid for that?"
Mike & Molly
"Oh, just yanking your chain."
Mike & Molly
"But seriously, it looks okay, right? It's not too garish?"
Mike & Molly
"No, it's nice."
Mike & Molly
"Brightens up the room."
Mike & Molly
"So can I get you something to drink?"
Mike & Molly
"Maybe a little eggnog to go with your sweater?"
Mike & Molly
"Come on, pretty girl, wake up."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, God, the codeine."
Mike & Molly
"You want a diet pill?"
Mike & Molly
"What? Why would...? Why do I want a diet pill for?"
Mike & Molly
"It keeps you awake so you can enjoy the codeine."
Mike & Molly
"Moll?"
Mike & Molly
"Molly?"
Mike & Molly
"You'll thank me later."
Mike & Molly
"Then she dated Brian. He was sweet, but queer as a fish."
Mike & Molly
"Um, I actually walked in on him one night..."
Mike & Molly
"...wearing Molly's shoes and feeding sponge cake to the Sparkletts man."
Mike & Molly
"You don't have to worry about that."
Mike & Molly
"I don't have a thing for ladies' shoes and I would never share cake."
Mike & Molly
"Any chance we could get an ETA on Molly?"
Mike & Molly
"Now, she may be on the phone with one of her other suitors."
Mike & Molly
"But don't worry, none of them have the fashion sense you do."
Mike & Molly
"What is going on up here?"
Mike & Molly
"I'm running out of small talk and this guy's a piece of wood."
Mike & Molly
"We just need another minute. Make him a snack."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, great, I'll grab a bucket of peanuts."
Mike & Molly
"Can I get you a little something to eat?"
Mike & Molly
"Oh, no, thanks, I consumed a small jungle boy on the way over."
Mike & Molly
"There she was just walking down the street"
Mike & Molly
"She look good, look good Look fine, look fine"
Mike & Molly
"She looks good, she looks fine"
Mike & Molly
"Let's go. Let's go, sweater boy, let's jump."
Mike & Molly
"Lovely chatting with you."
Mike & Molly
"Wow."
Mike & Molly
"A Mitsubishi Galant."
Mike & Molly
"- I'm guessing '78, '79? - Oh, '79."
Mike & Molly
"I knew it. I know my Galants."
Mike & Molly
"- Do you know my dad drove a '79 Galant? - No, I didn't."
Mike & Molly
"Why would you? He's dead, you never met him."
Mike & Molly
"He had the five-door station wagon. Cobalt blue."
Mike & Molly
"- Aah. - Are you feeling okay?"
Mike & Molly
"Yeah, I'm just allergic to Kleenex."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, God, this car brings back such good memories."
Mike & Molly
"I remember when I was little... Littlish."
Mike & Molly
"- My dad would let me steer the car. Now, I'm not asking you to do that."
Mike & Molly
"Let's see how the date goes before I start handing out lap dances."
Mike & Molly
"You don't talk much, do you?"
Mike & Molly
"I pride myself on being a good listener. That's important when you're trying to..."
Mike & Molly
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you gonna let a girl get a word in edgewise?"
Mike & Molly
"Yap, yap, yap. Oh, oh."
Mike & Molly
"Fireworks in 20 miles."
Mike & Molly
"I don't know. Are you feeling okay?"
Mike & Molly
"I don't know. Why don't you feel me and find out?"
Mike & Molly
"Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding."
Mike & Molly
"I'm just kidding you again. Oh, look at how red your big head gets."
Mike & Molly
"Ah, that's what Mama likes."
Mike & Molly
"Oh, I'm sorry. That was inappropriate. Ha, ha, I'm gonna be honest with you."
Mike & Molly
"Okay. Should you be mixing alcohol with that?"
Mike & Molly
"Oh, absolutely."
Mike & Molly
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