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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Ron and Tammy (S02E02)

"I'm sad that Old Gus is leaving,"
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"but it allows me to help Andy restart his life"
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"as Pioneer Hall's new shoeshine guy."
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"and now it's time for you to listen to one of mine."
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"the Sub-committee for Pit Beautification"
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"to the Sub-committee for Lot Beautification."
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"I don't wanna freak you out,"
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"Who?"
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"- No. - Yeah."
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"Pawnee's library department is the most diabolical,"
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"ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen."
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"They're like a biker gang,"
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"but instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use political savvy and shushing."
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"It's gonna be okay. It's not a done deal."
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"which makes them very dangerous."
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"And they're trying to steal Lot 48 for a new branch."
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"I actually think a library would be nice that close to my house."
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"- Let's bring the library down. - Yeah."
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"But I'm not about to say that in there."
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"The new Deputy Director of the department is Tammy Swanson."
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"Leslie, you're thinking out loud again."
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"Am I? I am."
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"That is perfect."
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"to come back and destroy all happiness."
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"I see. I knew that you had two ex-wives named Tammy,"
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"so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time."
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"Would I get married again? Oh, absolutely."
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"If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living?"
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"about the relative merits of parks versus libraries."
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"Hello? Hi."
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"I'm Leslie Knope. I called a little while ago."
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"dirty pool BS move like that. - No..."
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"That's why everybody hates the library."
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"Here. You know what? Here's your $3."
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"We government gals have to watch each other's backs, right?"
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"Okay. Did you talk to Ron?"
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"Shine, shine, shine your shoes."
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"Good. Yeah, Leslie told me you were working here now."
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"Yeah, I just joined the rat race. Chasing the cheese."
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"Racing the rats, trying to get the cheese."
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"Enough technical business talk. You look ravishing."
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"Yeah, business is a little slow."
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"and I would be a perfect contestant for Deal or No Deal."
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"I want it to be a perfect park"
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"Wow. If I'd had a park like that when I was growing up,"
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"Well, that's the goal, Tammy."
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"as a professional courtesy to you."
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"Government gals, right?"
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"What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?"
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"We talked about it, we're still friends."
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"Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water."
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"Or oil, and TNT, and C-4, and a detonator, and a butane torch."
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"Wait."
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"I'm sorry about this, but I just really wanna talk to you."
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"Thanks, Ron. It means a lot."
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"- Do you know what you just did? - Yes, Donna."
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"She's not a dragon."
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"It's really good to see you, Ron."
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"You've aged horribly."
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"- That didn't take long. - Oh, my God."
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"- Who set the bed on fire, huh? - Excuse me, folks."
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"- Okay. I'm so sorry. - Please."
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"Oh, God."
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"Oh, yes. Baby. Gun it."
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"Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man"
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"April. You look like you could use $20. Am I right?"
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"When Tiger Woods feels invincible,"
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"I'm a simple man."
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"I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food."
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"Today, I got the real thing."
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"I should have taken a picture of it."
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"- Hey, Tom. - What's up?"
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"Mmm. That's a tough one."
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"Yeah."
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"Ann's a classy chick."
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"I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to."
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"Leslie, I can't thank you enough"
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"I knew it. So what did you guys talk about? Old times?"
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"You know what I mean?"
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"I truly believe that everyone should be friends with their exes."
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"I can't even tell you how many of my exes' weddings I've been to."
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"So I wrote it on a Post-it."
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"But at the end of the day, what does it matter"
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"Nobody said "library.""
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"For what?"
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"Excuse me?"
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"Les, there are two kinds of women in this world."
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"And then there are women who are cool."
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"You could either be a Cleopatra or you could be an Eleanor Roosevelt."
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"Haven't you ever messed with a man's head"
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"You should come join us sometime."
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"Ron, no."
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"Are you even listening to yourself?"
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"You're defending the library now?"
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"You said that she was a manipulative monster, and you were right."
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"We would just end up naked,"
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"Oh, God, Ron, I don't wanna hear about your disgusting sex anymore."
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"You are Ron freaking Swanson."
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""It's just coffee, Ron." "She's changed, Ron.""
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""I let Mark nail me and we're still friends.""
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"Thank you."
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"or would you rather wait outside?"
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"Do not make eye contact with her."
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"Come on."
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"I'm on a break, one of the many advantages of owning your own business."
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"You know that's not your situation, right?"
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"between Mark and myself."
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"Right now, on the spot."
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"Leslie, Ron doesn't wanna break up with me."
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"No, he doesn't."
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"But I like you a lot as a dude."
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"I mean, I think you're a cool dude, too. I like you as well."
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"I'm sorry, Leslie."
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"She wins."
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"Oh."
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"Knope. Wait."
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"Look, just wait for me downstairs."
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"Oh, my God. Look, Mark has been really cool about all this,"
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"Yes. Just keep walking."
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"My legs are shorter than yours."
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