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Clips from Friends - The One with Rachel's Dream (S09E09)

"Oh, well, please, I welcome criticism."
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"The musician right outside the restaurant is kind of a mood killer."
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"And there's a country called Argentina"
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"It's a place I've never seen"
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"But I'm told for 50 pesos You can buy a human spleen"
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"What are you doing here?"
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"You said you had customers lined up in the street, so I'm here to entertain."
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"- Great. - Yeah, it really has been great too."
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"They must have seen me play before..."
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"...because they requested a bunch of my songs."
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"Yeah, "You Suck"..."
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"...and, um, "Shut Up and Go Home.""
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"- Listen, Phoebe. - Yeah."
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"You know how much I love listening to your music..."
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"- ...but... - But what?"
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"Um, this is kind of a classy place."
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"Okay, say no more."
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"It wasn't just that she was fat The woman smelled like garbage"
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"It wasn't just that she was fat The woman smelled like garbage"
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"Classy, huh?"
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"Hi, Chandler Bing. I have a reservation."
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"Welcome to the Chestnut Inn. Where are you joining us from?"
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"- New York. - The Big Apple."
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"I ate all my gifts for everybody."
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"I'm sorry, there's no record of your reservation in the computer."
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"- I'm sorry, it's not here. - It's not there."
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"Let me get this straight. I called to try to cancel my reservation..."
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"...was told it's not refundable. We drove six hours all the way up here..."
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"- ...and now we don't have a reservation? - I don't know what to say."
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"She doesn't know what to say."
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"Just give us the cheapest room you have."
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"- That's insane. - It's totally insane."
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"Let's drive home. We'll hit all the maple-candy stores on the way back..."
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"...and if they're closed, then maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves."
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"Does that room have a closet I can lock him in?"
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"- We'll take it. - Great."
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"I know how to make your money back. This is a nice hotel. Plenty of amenities."
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"We just load up on those. Like those apples. Instead of taking one..."
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"...um, I take six."
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"Great. At $100 an apple, we're there."
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"Come on, you get the idea. You know, we'll make our money back in no time."
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"- Dude, you're shaking. - It's the sugar. Could you hold the apple?"
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"- Hi. - Hey."
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"Joey, I got to tell you, I have been thinking all day about that scene you did."
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"- You were amazing. - Oh."
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"You know, the writing was good. And the director's good."
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"And my costar's good."
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"You have to tell me what happens tomorrow."
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"I'm going over the script now. Wanna read lines with me?"
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"Me? Oh, I'm not an actress."
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"- I can ask Monica. - Screw her! That part is mine!"
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"Right."
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"Okay, so, uh, just from the top of the page right here."
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"Hello, Drake. I'm surprised to see you here."
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"- I can't believe you married him. - Well, what choice did I have?"
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"He was keeping my sister in a dungeon."
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"So, what about us? Everything we feel for each other?"
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"How can I, knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again..."
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"...knowing I'll never make love to you?"
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"How can I accept that I can never kiss you again..."
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"...when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now?"
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"Kiss me."
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"What?"
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"Kiss me."
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"- Uh, Rach, it doesn't say that. - No, I'm saying it."
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"Well, that's new."
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"Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206."
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"Um, I've forgotten a couple of things."
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"Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room?"
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"Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste..."
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"...razor, mouthwash, deodorant, floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after shave."
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"And I feel like I'm forgetting something."
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"Um, is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already?"
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"Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons."
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"- What'd you get? - USA Today."
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"Nice. Put it with the others."
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"And I also got two more apples."
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"We're four short of a bushel!"
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"God, I feel so alive. I love being in the country!"
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"- ...from the restaurant. - That's not cool."
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"Dude, none of this is cool."
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"Look, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing..."
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"...and taking what the hotel owes you."
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"For example: a hair dryer, no, no, no."
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"Now, the salt shaker is off limits. Ah."
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"But the salt..."
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"I wish I'd thought this through."
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"I think I get what you mean, though. Like, the lamp is the hotel's..."
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"...but the bulbs... Oh, you already got that."
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"- Okay, uh, how about this? - No, no, no."
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"- You can't take the remote control. - Yes, but the batteries."
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"- Ooh! Let's celebrate with some maple candy. - No!"
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"At least tell me where you hid it."
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"- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah."
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"Have you ever had any..."
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"...weird, romantic dreams?"
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"Hmm, let me think."
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"Oh. When I was younger, I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese."
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"And on our wedding night, I ate his head."
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"Okay."
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"Well, this is like that..."
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"...in no way."
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"I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey."
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"Wow! You mean like "kiss him" kiss him?"
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"Oh, yeah. I mean, it was pretty intense."
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"- What brought that on? - I don't know."
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"Maybe it had to do with the fact I saw him do a love scene."
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"- A love scene? With who? - Olivia."
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"Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor?"
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"Oh, right. Real life more important."
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"I mean, you saw him do a love scene. Maybe you don't have a thing for Joey."
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"Maybe you have a thing for Drake."
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"Huh..."
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"Well, it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream."
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"Of course it was. Trust me, when it comes to psychology..."
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"...I know what I'm talking about."
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"- I took two psych classes in college. - You took the same class twice."
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"- It was hard! - I know."
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"- Hey. - Hi."
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"Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at your restaurant."
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