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Clips from Friends - The One with Rachel's Other Sister (S09E09)

"Was there a child to raise poorly?"
Friends
"It's not like they're so responsible."
Friends
"Emma is a product of a bottle of merlot and a five-year-old condom."
Friends
"No, but they're right. I'm not a strong father figure, and I never will be."
Friends
"No, you learn these things. You grow into it."
Friends
"Yeah, but it's not who I am."
Friends
"Everything they said is exactly why I was worried about having a kid. And it's true."
Friends
"- And look, everybody knows it. - I don't know it."
Friends
"I wanna have a kid with you because I think you'll be an amazing dad."
Friends
"At the fun parts and at the hard parts."
Friends
"Well, can you picture me saying, "Go to your room, you're grounded"?"
Friends
"Can you hear me say, "You're grounded"?"
Friends
"You said that to me last week."
Friends
"How hard is it? "No shoes on the furniture!""
Friends
"The producer from Days left a message asking why I wasn't at the parade."
Friends
"They said everybody's really pissed off at me. And they all got to meet Santa!"
Friends
"It's okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you."
Friends
"It's easy to remember, and it doesn't invite a lot of questions."
Friends
"You weren't at the parade, because you had a family emergency."
Friends
"I like that! Yeah!"
Friends
"I wasn't at the parade, because I had a family emergency."
Friends
"What happened?"
Friends
"- Wait, what are you doing? - Setting the table."
Friends
"How nice. Maybe later we can all blow our noses on my wedding dress."
Friends
"Hey, dude, you okay? Sorry about before."
Friends
"That's okay. You're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child."
Friends
"But it did hurt my feelings, and I want you to know that if I die..."
Friends
"...you don't get Joey."
Friends
"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you."
Friends
"You know, this is just... This is classic Rachel."
Friends
"Right. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?"
Friends
"- What career? - I'm a decorator."
Friends
"You decorate Dad's office and now you're a decorator?"
Friends
"Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday, now I'm a koala bear."
Friends
"- Why can't you ever be supportive? - You want to talk supportive?"
Friends
"You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!"
Friends
"You didn't come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!"
Friends
"I did the first time."
Friends
"You know what? You want to know why I am not giving Emily to you?"
Friends
"I'm not giving you Emma, because you can't handle the responsibility of a child."
Friends
"Well, how hard could it be? You do it."
Friends
"Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo."
Friends
"You wanna know why you don't want me to have the baby?"
Friends
"Because you don't want me to be happy."
Friends
"- You have always been jealous of me. - Jealous of what?"
Friends
"Of your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity?"
Friends
"Your total disregard for other people's feelings?"
Friends
"To name a few."
Friends
"You've always been like this."
Friends
"You had to have everything, and I couldn't have anything."
Friends
"I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?"
Friends
"Come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it."
Friends
"I cannot believe that I invited you here today!"
Friends
"Yeah, well, you know what I cannot believe? That my so-called sister..."
Friends
"...gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren, and I still have to pay retail?"
Friends
"It's 45."
Friends
"You bitch."
Friends
"Well, let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute."
Friends
"Too far, Amy. Too far."
Friends
"- You take that back. - No."
Friends
"- Take it back! - No. What are you gonna do? Make me?"
Friends
"Hey, man, I work out!"
Friends
"- So do I. - I do Pilates."
Friends
"- I do yoga. - Bring it on!"
Friends
"Put the plates in the boxes! Put the plates in the boxes!"
Friends
"- Did you just push me? - Yeah, I think I did."
Friends
"All right, that's it."
Friends
"Forget the bubble wrap! There isn't time!"
Friends
"Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!"
Friends
"- Shouldn't we stop this? - Are you out of your mind?"
Friends
"Let's throw some Jell-O on them!"
Friends
"All right, that is it! This is our apartment, and you cannot behave this way!"
Friends
"Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out..."
Friends
"...but they're important to Monica. And I want you to apologize to her now."
Friends
"- I'm sorry. - Mon, I'm so sorry."
Friends
"Now, I want you to apologize to each other and mean it."
Friends
"- Sorry. - Sorry."
Friends
"By the way, that fight was totally arousing."
Friends
"Dude, well done."
Friends
"If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma."
Friends
"Yeah? Well, thanks."
Friends
"So... So now do I get Joey?"
Friends
"- Are you okay, Mon? - Uh-huh."
Friends
"I mean, these things happen. I mean, it's just a plate."
Friends
"- It's not like somebody died. - It's all right. You can mourn."
Friends
"Thank you. It was so beautiful!"
Friends
"I'm gonna go to Joey's and get the pies."
Friends
"Actually, not pies. It's just pie."
Friends
"I don't care."
Friends
"Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold."
Friends
"Look, Amy..."
Friends
"...we got a little..."
Friends
"And I'm sorry."
Friends
"You're my sister..."
Friends
"...and if it really means that much to you..."
Friends
"- So you're gonna give me the baby? - No, I was..."
Friends
"You are not gonna regret this."
Friends
"- She needs changing. - No, no, no. I'll get her."
Friends
"I am super confident, totally responsible and fourth in line to raise Emma."
Friends
"Well, what do you know? I guess I'll be the one who dies first."
Friends
"- Does Monica know about her plates? - Nope."
Friends
"- Broke them all, huh? - Yep."
Friends
"Hey. So I'm gonna put the plates back."
Friends
"I think you're right. We shouldn't use these plates for a long time."
Friends
"- Like only if the queen comes? - Maybe not even then."
Friends
"I told my producer I had a family emergency. He totally bought it."
Friends
"- Thanks for teaching me how to lie. - No problem. Next week, stealing."
Friends
"- Bye, plates. - You told her you broke all the plates?"
Friends
"Yeah, this raccoon came in..."
Friends
"- I haven't seen you in, like, a year. - I know. I know. I've just been crazed."
Friends
"Not really."
Friends
"Sure. We don't live there, but..."
Friends
"- Emma. - Whose side are you on?!"
Friends
"Honey, she keeps canceling on us. Take the hint."
Friends
"...Days of our Lives."
Friends
"Sure, Ross, yeah!"
Friends
"...but you don't have to take it out on the plates."
Friends
"I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?"
Friends
"If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all."
Friends