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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Precious Fragmentation (S03E03)

"Uh, well, we didn't actually get Chinese food."
The Big Bang Theory
"Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food."
The Big Bang Theory
"I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac..."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, yeah, here's Spock's body with Mr. T's head."
The Big Bang Theory
"And an Aquaman action figure."
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"Mine."
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"And the laws of maritime salvage clearly state..."
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"...that the finder of a sunken treasure is the owner."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Your guy Eddie Crispo? - Yes."
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"We can't sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it."
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"He can have it back."
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"How about this? Until we figure out what to do with the ring, Penny holds it."
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"...you'd have my Aunt Ida's brooch..."
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"...that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat."
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"Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City."
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"I know it sounds silly."
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"I'm so glad we came to this gentile strip club."
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"Anything you'd like to add?"
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"...my precious."
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"It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from."
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"There wasn't ever going to be a winner."
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"Is that what you guys want? If it is, fine."
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"I don't want anything to do with you."
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"- Give us the precious. - Never! Never."
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"Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?"
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"Well, it's very simple."
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"In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose..."
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"...I'm the smart one. Wolowitz is the funny one."
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"Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner..."
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"...who struggles to understand our ways and fails."
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"That leaves you, by default, as the muscle."
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"One more floor and I'd be the pulled muscle."
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"Oh, it's about time. I'm starving."
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"- Why not? - Don't panic. This is better."
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"Oh, no. You didn't trade the food for magic beans, did you?"
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"Eating them would be a waste, since you could plant them..."
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"...and have a giant beanstalk which would provide roughage for a small city."
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"Yeah, sometimes I don't listen."
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"Sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down."
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"We were on our way to the restaurant."
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"We saw Adam West, so we followed him."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Who's Adam West? - Who's Adam West?"
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"What do the two of you talk about after the coitus?"
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"My guess is, "Hey, four minutes. New record.""
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"That's why I'm the funny one."
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"Anyway, we followed the guy to this garage sale."
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"They had the coolest stuff."
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"They were closing up. We got this whole box for 60 bucks."
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"We didn't go through it. There could be anything."
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"There a new girlfriend in there? You might need one."
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"No, but there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script..."
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"...with actual slime stains."
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"Oh, you're right, it's Ghostbusters Il. Never mind."
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"Oh, my God."
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"An ALF doll."
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"When I was 11, my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left."
The Big Bang Theory
"...and ALF was gonna bring him back to me."
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"But he never did."
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"Where's my daddy, puppet?"
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"Where is he?"
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"That is so sad."
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"No, what's sad is that you don't know that Adam West was TV's Batman."
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"Here's Spock's head with no body."
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"Here's Mr. T's body with no head."
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""I pity the fool who's illogical.""
The Big Bang Theory
"I'm just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese..."
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"...and window-shop on eHarmony."
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"- Okay, bye. - Okay."
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"Ooh, look, an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots."
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"Looks like someone drew a penis on him."
The Big Bang Theory
"Eh. That'll come off."
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"You see what you're doing? Stop that."
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"- Fascinating. - What?"
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"- It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring. - Oh."
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"It's even got the Elvish engraving on it."
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"It's not Elvish."
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"It's the language of Mordor written in Elvish script."
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""One ring to rule them all.""
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""One ring to find them.""
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""One ring to bring them all.""
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""And in the darkness, bind them.""
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"Holy crap, are we nerdy."
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"So I was doing some checking on the ring..."
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"Hold on. Sheldon, is there ketchup on that table?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Yes, there is. Oh, here's a fun fact."
The Big Bang Theory
"...typically made of mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices."
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"Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy..."
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"...oyster, kidney bean and grape."
The Big Bang Theory
"No, that's okay, I'll get it."
The Big Bang Theory
"Listen, I was looking at the ring and it seemed a little weird."
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"No copyright notice on it."
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"So I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with..."
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"...shall we say, the seedy underbelly of the collectibles world."
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"Seedy underbelly?"
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"Uh, your black-market phasers..."
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"...your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties, that kind of stuff."
The Big Bang Theory
"Who's this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?"
The Big Bang Theory
"Just a guy. I know a guy."
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"- Is it Eddie Crispo? - No, I can't tell you who it is."
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"- Who else could it be? It has to be. - I know lots of dangerous people."
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"- Name one. - Eddie Crispo."
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"Anyway, he said this isn't a replica."
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"It's the real deal."
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"If you're suggesting that that is the actual ring of power..."
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"...forged by Sauron in Mount Doom..."
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"...I look at you with an expression of exhaustion..."
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"...and ever-so-slight amusement."
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"He's not saying it's a magic ring."
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"You're not, are you?"
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"No, but it's close."
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"Look at the markings inside."
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"Those are production markings."
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"Nine rings were made for use in the movies."
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"Three were given to members of the cast. The rest were destroyed."
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"Except one."
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"One was stolen."
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"Gentlemen, this is the One Ring."
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"No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together."
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"Yes, but I found it in the box."
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"How is this maritime salvage?"
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