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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Staircase Implementation (S03E03)

"...the roommate agreement screws you."
The Big Bang Theory
"Oh, I do not believe that."
The Big Bang Theory
"- Oh. I bet you're here to check out the room. - Yeah."
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"I know what my mother said on March 5th, 1992."
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"...on you passing the second and third barriers."
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"- Have a seat. - Okay."
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"What's the difference?"
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"...I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs."
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"- What is that? - Doesn't concern you."
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"On occasion."
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""If either of us ever invents time travel..."
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"Why on earth did you agree to all that?"
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"...visitor's subsection C, females, paragraph four, coitus."
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"That's it, I'm out of here."
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"According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50 percent..."
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"But you didn't notify me by e-mail, so this is still a breach."
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"- Change seats with me. - Why?"
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"It's time for Babylon 5."
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"- You're not going with us. - Why not?"
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"Oh, yes."
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"Oh, man. Is that a two-stage rocket?"
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"Oh, probably, if I could get my hands on that new fuel..."
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"...and where to sit on a freaking couch, but this is applied physics."
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"Get the door."
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"- Wait. It's here. - Ah!"
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"Ha, ha!"
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"Oh, clear nail polish. I had a mani-pedi."
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"There's doubt?"
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"I did agree to the thermostat setting and I shouldn't have tried to change it."
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"I would hardly call that dialogue."
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"Okay, Baby-Doll Pink..."
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"...let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet."
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"I just wanna turn up the thermostat two degrees."
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"Let me point out that two degrees can be the difference..."
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"...between water and steam."
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"Yes, if we were lived in a tea kettle."
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"This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement."
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"Screw the roommate agreement."
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"No, you don't screw the roommate agreement..."
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"You know what, go to hell and set their thermostat."
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"I don't have to go to hell. At 73 degrees, I'm there already."
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"Who is it?"
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"- Leonard. - Hang on."
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"Can I sleep on your couch tonight?"
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"You can try, but the people across the hall are being very noisy."
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"You heard that, huh?"
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"Apparently, the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat..."
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"...then the other fella went bat-crap crazy."
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"So you agree he's nuts."
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"Not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him."
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"Believe it or not, he was worse when I met him."
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"You are so naive."
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"Just like I was seven years ago."
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"I'd just started at the university."
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"Excuse me, I'm looking for Sheldon Cooper's apartment."
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"Run away, dude."
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"- What? - Run fast, run far."
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"That should've been my first clue."
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"So Sheldon's last roommate tried to warn you off?"
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"For all I knew, he was the crazy one."
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"He had this really deranged look."
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"Well, yeah, he'd been living with Sheldon."
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"Sure, it makes sense now."
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"Anyway, I went upstairs and knocked on the door."
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"Yeah?"
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"Dr. Cooper?"
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"No, you want the crazy guy across the hall."
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"In retrospect, that was clue number two."
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"- Yes? - I'm Leonard Hofstadter."
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"- I called about the apartment. You said... - I know what I said. I know what you said."
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"What is the sixth noble gas?"
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"- What? - You said you're a scientist."
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"- What is the sixth noble gas? - Uh, Radon?"
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"Are you asking me or telling me?"
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"Telling you?"
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"Telling you."
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"All right. Next question."
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"Kirk or Picard?"
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"Oh, uh... Well, that's tricky. Um..."
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"Well, original series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk."
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"Correct."
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"You've passed the first barrier to roommate hood."
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"You may enter."
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"Oh, this is pretty nice."
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"- The bedrooms are back there? - That depends."
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"I don't understand. Their existence is conditional?"
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"No. But your ability to perceive their existence is conditional..."
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"- There's three? - Each more daunting than the last."
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"No, that's where I sit."
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"This seat is ideally located..."
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"...in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer."
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"It also faces the television at a direct angle..."
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"...allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play..."
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"...without being subjected to conversation. As a result..."
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"Can you do that?"
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"That's Latin for "My chair my rules.""
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"Now, you said on the phone that your area of study is physics."
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"Yeah, experimental physics."
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"Hmm."
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"You'll be going to the university every day?"
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"- Yes. - Do you have a vehicle?"
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"- A car. - And you'd be willing to drive me?"
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"- Well, can't you drive? - I can."
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"I choose not to."
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"Okay, I suppose I could drive you."
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"- Well, what's a point in my favor, right? - Why don't you let me do this?"
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"Come on, I just asked."
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"Last question. In a post-apocalyptic world..."
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"...which task would you assign the highest priority?"
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"Locating a sustainable food source, reestablishing a functioning government..."
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"...procreation or preserving the knowledge of mankind?"
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"Uh, I'm gonna go with preserving the knowledge."
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"That's correct."
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"FYI, I would've accepted any answer other than procreating."
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"Come, I'll show you the rest of the apartment."
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"Good. I passed the barriers."
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"This is the bathroom."
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"Are you fairly regular?"
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"- Uh... I guess. - This isn't going to work if you're guessing."
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"When do you evacuate your bowels?"
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