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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bachelor Party Corrosion (S09E09)

"it's gonna break his heart."
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"How long do you think you can keep it from him?"
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"Yeah, isn't it gonna get worse the longer you wait?"
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"You know, Dad's not getting any younger,"
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"so if I wait long enough,"
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"I'll just tell him he walked me down the aisle"
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"When did you learn how to change a tire?"
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"Every self-respecting gentleman should know how"
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"in case he comes across a damsel in distress"
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"by the side of the road."
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"If I see one scorpion,"
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"I am getting on someone's shoulders"
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"and never coming down."
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"And there's your damsel."
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"Are you turning it the right way?"
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"I took the other four off"
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"and when I got to this one, I thought,"
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""You know, I'm in a rut. Let's shake things up.""
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"Here, let me try."
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"You're right, it doesn't turn the other way."
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"There you go."
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"That wasn't so bad."
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"Nice."
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"That's a joke, right?"
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"Actually, the joke was on her."
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"I could still see the TV through the slats."
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"I'm starting to see"
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"why you and your mom aren't very close."
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"Bet she'd still tell her"
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"if she got married."
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"Well, it's kind of sad that they don't know."
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"I mean, they love Leonard."
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"Fine, you want me to call?"
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"I'll call."
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"It's understandable."
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"Amy was afraid to tell her mom she broke up with Sheldon."
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"Yeah? How did it go?"
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"Did she make you crawl"
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"into the breaking-up drawer?"
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"Uh, well, actually, to be honest..."
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"You've been giving me a hard time"
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"I'm feeling a little dizzy from all the blood loss."
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"Fine. I'm calling home,"
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"Easy for you to say."
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"You never had to watch 60 Minutes like this."
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"Hey, slugger."
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"Ah, she took your brother out to celebrate."
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"He just got his tenth one-month sober chip."
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"Okay, I'll talk to her later."
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"Uh, Dad, there's something I need to tell you."
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"Leonard and I got married."
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"You did?"
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"When?"
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"Last week. I'm sorry, I should've told you."
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"It was a spur of the moment thing."
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"Please don't be too disappointed."
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"Very."
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"Aw, thank you, Daddy."
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"That means so much."
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"to tell someone something"
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"if you think it's gonna upset 'em."
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"You're the best dad ever."
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"Yeah. Uh, hold that thought."
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"I've been sitting on a little news myself."
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"You know that rototiller I got for the tractor?"
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"It is a beautiful piece of machinery."
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"I did not kill him."
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"Oh... ten, 12 months ago."
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"You didn't tell me for a year?!"
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"Love ya, slugger."
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"Gotta go!"
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"Okay, Amy, your turn."
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"It's called Lamaze breathing."
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"He's pushing with his uterus."
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"There's got to be a smarter way of removing it."
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"Archimedes once said,"
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""and a fulcrum on which to place it,"
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"and I shall move the world.""
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"Of course."
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"All we need is to find stuff"
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"to make a "leever" big enough to fix this."
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"Exactly."
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"that could be a "lehver.""
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"First, we need to decide"
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"whether we're calling it leever or lehver."
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"And the sooner we decide it's leever,"
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"the sooner we can roll up our sleeves-- not slehves--"
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"We're gonna be here "foreever.""
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"Before I made that call,"
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"my pig was alive and happy"
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"Now he's illegally buried in our backyard"
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"The breakfast meat family?"
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"Oh, maybe later."
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"Your pig dying made me sad."
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"And a little hungry."
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"Phone, now."
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"Fine."
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"Hi, Mom."
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"Try dialing."
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"Hi, Mom. How are you doing?"
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"Oh, good."
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"I'm fine."
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"Amy broke up with Sheldon,"
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"she got her ears pierced"
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"What makes you say that?"
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"There's gotta be something else we could try."
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"If this was Star Trek,"
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"No, it's too broad of a beam."
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"like Superman's heat vision."
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"could make a big green hand that unscrews it."
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"why not just use the Hulk?"
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"Oh, please, the Hulk would never get"
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"across the border with that temper."
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"not that calling one of the Avengers"
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"isn't a perfectly reasonable choice,"
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"but we're scientists."
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"Yes, we could use science."
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"But it's your bachelor party."
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"♪ Buddy you're a boy ♪"
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"♪ Gonna be a big man someday ♪"
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