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Clips from American Dad! - Stan's Best Friend (S07E07)

"This is great. Suddenly security's real tight around here."
American Dad!
"You are just gonna lose it when you see what's goin' on in your house."
American Dad!
"The worst part of it is the disrespect to you. They are castrating you."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, but that's what they're doing. They are cutting off your nads."
American Dad!
"Period. End of story."
American Dad!
"Oh, you are gonna see it so soon."
American Dad!
"Look!"
American Dad!
"Oh, it's sloppy!"
American Dad!
"It's so wet! Oh, I love you too."
American Dad!
"What in the hell is that?"
American Dad!
"Oh, this is good for Steve."
American Dad!
"And it'll be good for you to love a dog again."
American Dad!
"I bet Freddy is smiling down from doggy heaven right now."
American Dad!
"I hope he is."
American Dad!
"I hope he's up there living in a lake house, driving a kick-ass speedboat..."
American Dad!
"eating the foamy grass he just threw up."
American Dad!
"Oh, let Steve keep Kisses, Stan."
American Dad!
"Fine."
American Dad!
"But I won't have anything to do with that dog."
American Dad!
"If he buys a table at a charity event, I won't sit at it."
American Dad!
"I'm mad at you."
American Dad!
"Where were you last night?"
American Dad!
"Bowling. Tuesday night is league night. Where else would I be?"
American Dad!
"Mrs. Gilrooney said she saw you coming out of the ballet studio."
American Dad!
"She's on the sauce again."
American Dad!
"Oh. Um, okay."
American Dad!
"But I'm only letting you sit there because my crotch is chilly."
American Dad!
"You're soft."
American Dad!
"Like the detergent bear."
American Dad!
"Who likes a scratch? Who likes an ear scratch, huh?"
American Dad!
"Just gonna snap a pic for Steve. It's for him, not for me."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God, what a cute little yawn."
American Dad!
"What a tired little baby."
American Dad!
"Don't throw the Frisbee too close to the street, Stan."
American Dad!
"Don't worry."
American Dad!
"The odds of me being involved in another dog-related tragedy are astronomical."
American Dad!
"Attaboy, Kisses!"
American Dad!
"Me-yaaargh!"
American Dad!
"Oh, God! it's-it's not fair!"
American Dad!
"Why him? Why-No! Take me!"
American Dad!
"Take me! Take me!"
American Dad!
"Well, the good news is that Kisses survived the balloon accident."
American Dad!
"He's still alive!"
American Dad!
"- Oh, God! - He's not dead?"
American Dad!
"A-Are you sure?"
American Dad!
"I don't mean to question your abilities."
American Dad!
"That's not a car for a doctor."
American Dad!
"That's a sweet-16 gift for a Filipino."
American Dad!
"No!"
American Dad!
"This..."
American Dad!
"is an unfortunate situation."
American Dad!
"Doctor, is Kisses gonna make it?"
American Dad!
"Oh, no!"
American Dad!
"It's Freddy all over again!"
American Dad!
"I know this is hard."
American Dad!
"But under the circumstances..."
American Dad!
"I think the right thing to do is to... pull the plug."
American Dad!
"Oh, God! it's so sad!"
American Dad!
"I won't be responsible for another dog dying!"
American Dad!
"Who are we to play God?"
American Dad!
"You know who I'd like to see play God? Borat."
American Dad!
"He'd be, "My-My w"-"
American Dad!
"we'll need to discuss the cost of care."
American Dad!
"Oh, here we go. That's the real medicine, huh? Cash."
American Dad!
"Guess I gotta show Jerry Maguire the money."
American Dad!
"Here, why don't you take it all?"
American Dad!
"Just so you know..."
American Dad!
"it was Rod Tidwell who asked that the money be shown to him..."
American Dad!
"not Jerry Maguire."
American Dad!
"Ohh. Ohh!"
American Dad!
"if either one of us was on life support."
American Dad!
"I'd want you to pull the-"
American Dad!
"Doctor aside..."
American Dad!
"and tell him I'm allergic to penicillin."
American Dad!
"Wow. You said "okay" pretty quickly."
American Dad!
"You know, we should probably see a lawyer and make a will to sort this stuff out."
American Dad!
"That way, we both know our final wishes will be honored."
American Dad!
"- You're still here. - Of course I am."
American Dad!
"What did you find out? When's the surgery?"
American Dad!
"Surgery?"
American Dad!
"but Kisses is not going to recover from this accident."
American Dad!
"What's your hurry?"
American Dad!
"You gotta get your report card out of the mailbox before your folks get home?"
American Dad!
"I'm goin' Lorenzo's Oil on this one."
American Dad!
"- You're going to fix him? - Why not me?"
American Dad!
"You sound a lot like my tailor, who also didn't think I could do things on my own."
American Dad!
"# From my heart and from my hand #"
American Dad!
"# Plastic tubes and pots and pans #"
American Dad!
"# Bits and pieces and magic from the hand #"
American Dad!
"# We're makin' weirdscience #"
American Dad!
"# Ooh, bits and pieces #"
American Dad!
"# Is it real? #"
American Dad!
"Come on. He's defacing the walls."
American Dad!
"Do something!"
American Dad!
"Oh, no, you don't."
American Dad!
"You don't do that..."
American Dad!
"around here."
American Dad!
"Okay, that takes care of all the medical stuff."
American Dad!
"We're hippies, Bernie."
American Dad!
"Well, we do have a few things."
American Dad!
"Uh, there's my Hacky Sacks and my sleeping bag."
American Dad!
"Oh, and I control the master tapes..."
American Dad!
"Years ago, I was the tour cook for the band..."
American Dad!
"and the lead singer, John Popper, loved my food, so he gave me the tapes."
American Dad!
"- They earn about two million a year. - What?"
American Dad!
"Or maybe more. I-I don't know."
American Dad!
"I haven't really been paying attention since I gave the rights to Patricia, my daughter."
American Dad!
"You have a daughter?"
American Dad!
"Well, stepdaughter."
American Dad!
"Yeah, back when I was into cougars..."
American Dad!
"I married her mom, who was 71."
American Dad!
"Anyway, my wife had passed, and it was Patricia's 50th birthday..."
American Dad!
"and I didn't know what to get her, so-"
American Dad!
"My God! ls there anything else that you'd like to share with me?"
American Dad!
"I think the dude who lives in your parents, attic has a crush on me."
American Dad!
"Makes me uncomfortable."
American Dad!
"Hey, bookworm."
American Dad!
"Well, I just did a ton of research at the library, but I couldn't concentrate."
American Dad!
"But I did find this flyer."
American Dad!
"This woman specializes in fixing animals..."
American Dad!
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