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Clips from Family Guy - A Hero Sits Next Door (S01E01)

"But the way I wear my hat..."
Family Guy
"No, no. He can't take that away from me."
Family Guy
"You! How came you by this metal construct?"
Family Guy
"It was Christmas Eve and some presents had been stolen."
Family Guy
"Reach for the sky, dirtbag!"
Family Guy
"All right, pal! You've stolen your last Christmas."
Family Guy
""You think you have won You think all is well"
Family Guy
""But kiss my green ass I shall see you in hell!""
Family Guy
"Are you Timmy?"
Family Guy
"Merry Christmas, Timmy."
Family Guy
"Enough!"
Family Guy
"If you won't share your technological schemata with me peaceably..."
Family Guy
"...I shall take the information from you by force!"
Family Guy
"- Come on. Let's get out of here. - Peter, you can't leave."
Family Guy
"Sorry, I promised the wife and kids I'd..."
Family Guy
"...take them on a dream vacation to Hawaii right now. Say aloha, kids."
Family Guy
"What are you talking about? We want to hear more of Mr. Swanson's stories."
Family Guy
"Well, technically he was killed by the state, but funny story."
Family Guy
"He did curse my name just before the injection."
Family Guy
"Peter, what's the matter with you?"
Family Guy
"Why are you guys making such a big deal over Joe?"
Family Guy
"When did it become okay to be handicapped?"
Family Guy
"Don't talk like that!"
Family Guy
"Fine. Then why don't you all marry him?"
Family Guy
"And if he's so remarkable, let's see him do this."
Family Guy
"Hey, look at me. I'm walking. I'm a remarkable man."
Family Guy
"Well, look who finally came home."
Family Guy
"I thought you were gonna spend all night at Joe's."
Family Guy
"I could've. That man has got magic fingers."
Family Guy
"He found this one spot behind my ear, I..."
Family Guy
"Forget about it. I thought my leg was never gonna stop."
Family Guy
"I don't believe this."
Family Guy
"My whole family worships the ground that guy can't walk on."
Family Guy
"It's not too hard to see why. He's a hero. He makes the world a better place."
Family Guy
"Yes, you forgot the words."
Family Guy
""Jesus loves me"
Family Guy
""He loves me a bunch"
Family Guy
"No. It's not the same thing. Joe puts himself in real danger every day."
Family Guy
"You're right. I'll never be that kind of hero."
Family Guy
"Unless I put myself in real danger, too! For my family's sake!"
Family Guy
"Why are the pretty ones always so dumb?"
Family Guy
"Gang shooting on Third and Main. Three wounded, one dead."
Family Guy
"- Is it me or is rap music just getting lazier? - No. It's my new police scanner."
Family Guy
"This hero thing is gonna be easy once I find the right crime."
Family Guy
"Domestic disturbance... Boring!"
Family Guy
"Report of a stabbing in..."
Family Guy
"All units! A major robbery is in progress at Quahog Bank and Trust."
Family Guy
"Suspects are armed and extremely dangerous."
Family Guy
"- Perfect! Where's Lois and the kids? - Over at Joe's."
Family Guy
"They're about to see a real hero in action. To the Batcave!"
Family Guy
"Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!"
Family Guy
"You thought Joe was something. You ain't seen nothin' yet."
Family Guy
"Peter, what's the big rush?"
Family Guy
"Daddy's gonna make a little withdrawal."
Family Guy
"Give Tammy a round of applause."
Family Guy
"Now before we go..."
Family Guy
"No, don't go."
Family Guy
"I hope you brought your striped pajamas, boys."
Family Guy
"Because there's a five-year sleepover at the big house. And you're invited."
Family Guy
"Lois and the kids should be in here to see this."
Family Guy
"Yes. It's going very well."
Family Guy
"Shut up, you big sack of dog vomit!"
Family Guy
"Meg, you're a sweet, lovely girl. He'll come around."
Family Guy
"Have you tried showing off the goods? How's that for a mom answer?"
Family Guy
"Creepy."
Family Guy
"I saw some cute dresses down the street."
Family Guy
"If nothing else, it'll make you feel better. Come on, you guys."
Family Guy
"If you want to be a hero, now might be a good time."
Family Guy
"This isn't what I was expecting."
Family Guy
"I thought being a hero would be all fun and games."
Family Guy
"Sorry, Wonder Woman. I got three kings. Now let's see your pair."
Family Guy
"Come on. Let's go."
Family Guy
"Oh, perfect."
Family Guy
"We got hostages! Don't try anything funny!"
Family Guy
"Don't worry, Brian. I got a plan."
Family Guy
"Good. I was afraid you were just gonna improvise."
Family Guy
"...and run like hell."
Family Guy
"Okay, in this improv, Tammy and the short robber are husband and wife."
Family Guy
"Okay. And where are we? A bar!"
Family Guy
"A pet store! Guadalajara, Mexico!"
Family Guy
"Okay, okay. I heard pet store. And I'm the gruff but lovable owner."
Family Guy
"All right. Begin. Hello, married couple. I see you found a puppy."
Family Guy
"Yeah. His name is Sparky."
Family Guy
"Well, before you take Sparky home, let me check him for worms."
Family Guy
"Okay, drop it!"
Family Guy
"All right, you guys. Let's get out of here."
Family Guy
"All right, stand back!"
Family Guy
"This wheelchair guy moved in next door and he can do all these great things and..."
Family Guy
"That's right! How'd you know?"
Family Guy
"We've all been there."
Family Guy
"Cool! The bank is getting jacked!"
Family Guy
"He's wearing a white-collared shirt, kind of big, with glasses."
Family Guy
"I got him. Oh, thank God."
Family Guy
"- Take him out. - No!"
Family Guy
"Hey, there's my family."
Family Guy
"I just want you to know I rob banks..."
Family Guy
"...because a deaf man stole my job at the phone company."
Family Guy
"So if anyone's gonna bust me, I'm glad it's you."
Family Guy
"But... But I was gonna be a hero."
Family Guy
"Nobody's going anywhere!"
Family Guy
"Joe, it's Peter! He's in trouble!"
Family Guy
"A failed robbery at Quahog Bank and Trust..."
Family Guy
"...has led to a terrifying hostage situation."
Family Guy
"That's right. A hostage situation."
Family Guy
"- I gotta go. - I know."
Family Guy
"- Excuse me. Shouldn't that be "whom"? - Okay, you."
Family Guy
"Crap!"
Family Guy
"This is Police Lieutenant Joe Swanson. I know we can work this out."
Family Guy
"Not him again. I hope this place isn't wheelchair accessible."
Family Guy
"Bonnie, it's Peter."
Family Guy
"I was a virgin when we met. It took him three hours."
Family Guy
"I can't believe my dad is in there."
Family Guy
"This'll probably scar me for the rest of my life."
Family Guy
"I got a new dress."
Family Guy
"Try talking about him."
Family Guy
"So do you like music?"
Family Guy
"Yeah! I played guitar in a band before we moved."
Family Guy
"But it interfered with my studies. What do you listen to?"
Family Guy
"I'm into Garbage, Phish, Blur."
Family Guy
"My parents don't like me listening to that stuff."
Family Guy
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