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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition (S05E05)

"A couple of them have big boobs."
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"Stuart, settle an argument for us."
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"- I'll take one. - Mm. Make it two."
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"I hate all of you and myself. Three."
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"I'll ring it up."
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"Yeah, that's not it."
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"At least, not since..."
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"...would be at all appealing to Amy Farrah Fowler..."
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"...I checked in with you to see how you'd feel about it."
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"- I had half a glass. - I didn't have any."
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"So, what do you wanna do? Go to the movies, go dancing..."
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"What do you say, bestie? We can do shirts and skins. I'm shirts. Called it."
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"And sitting with my feet on the floor."
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"Just working it under all those layers of wool and polyester."
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"...that includes a Nobel Prize and cities named after me."
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"...and my bowel movements run like a German train schedule."
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"...that Sheldon's patented blend of condescension and no sex..."
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"...isn't enough to hold on to a woman?"
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"Oh, yeah. Now he's gonna miss all those great updates like:"
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"...to make my own potpourri." Ha, ha."
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"Why don't you acknowledge you have feelings for Amy..."
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"There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt."
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"- No offense, Stuart. - None taken."
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"Amy..."
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"...will you be my girlfriend?"
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"- Yes. - Well, that's enough of that."
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"I present to you the relationship agreement."
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"I should've gotten a lawyer."
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"It's amazing people keep coming to comic book stores..."
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"...instead of just downloading comics digitally."
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"It's probably for the best."
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"For a lot of these guys, the weekly trip here..."
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"...is the only chance their mom has to go to the basement and change their sheets."
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"Oh, that reminds me, I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay."
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"Well, what do you think of new comic book night?"
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"Magic, huh?"
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"Sheldon, I'm disappointed."
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"As a brilliant man, you're entitled to a vice."
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"I could understand frequenting an opium den..."
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"...or hunting your fellow man for sport."
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"But this? Lame-o."
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"A, comic books employ storytelling through sequential art..."
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"...a medium that dates back 17,000 years to the cave paintings of Lascaux..."
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"...and B, you play the harp, like that's cool."
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"Can I help you find anything?"
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"A comic that depicts a woman whose bosom can't be used as a flotation device."
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"Sorry. Most of the guys who come in here like big boobs."
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"The new Warlords of Ka'a expansion pack is out."
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"A new one? Unbelievable."
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"They just keep making up more cheesy monsters..."
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"...slapping them on cards and selling them at 25 bucks a pop."
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"It's like a secret tax on guys who can't get laid."
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"They're not even trying. Remember the Satanimals pack with the Hellephant?"
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"Absurd. What was he, a bad elephant who died and went to hell?"
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"What could an elephant possibly do that would cause him eternal damnation?"
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""Wild West and Witches.""
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"...between Billy the Kid and the White Wizard of the North? Heh."
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"A total loser."
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"Obviously, a guy with a six-shooter beats an old man with a magic wand."
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"Well, ho... hold on."
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"Uh, what if the wizard casts a helmet-of-confusion spell..."
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"...on Billy the Kid's cowboy hat?"
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"What? Please. This is Billy the Kid we're talking about."
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"The wizard would get shot before he could get out the words:"
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""What the hell is Billy the Kid doing in the mystic realm of Ka'a?""
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"Leonard, ahem..."
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"...what's the deal with Sheldon's friend Amy?"
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"- Are they a couple? - A couple of weirdos. Why?"
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"Are you interested in Amy?"
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"Well, I mean, she didn't look through me..."
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"...with soul-sucking, ball-shriveling hatred and contempt."
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"I like that in a woman."
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"Could you run it by Sheldon if I could ask her out?"
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"Sure, I guess."
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"Who would win, Billy the Kid or the white Wizard?"
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"If I tell you that, I'm robbing you of the hours of fun you could have..."
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"...for the magical, rootin'-tootin low price of 24.95."
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"Like shooting nerds in a barrel."
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"Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward."
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"I know what this is about."
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"Given the professional standstill you're at..."
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"...you're wondering if this is the appropriate time..."
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"...to abandon your research and focus on teaching."
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"Yes."
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"And if I may suggest, consider changing disciplines."
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"Yeah, to the humanities. Perhaps, history."
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"One of the advantages of teaching history..."
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"...is that you don't have to create things."
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"You know, you just have to remember stuff that happened..."
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"...and then parrot it back."
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"You could have fun with that."
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"Stuart's kind of interested in Amy."
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"Well, of course, he is. She's very interesting."
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"Did you know, when she was 14..."
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"...she severed the webbing between her own toes?"
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"No. Uh..."
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"He wanted me to find out if you'd have a problem with him asking her out."
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"Well, I'm not sure how to respond, Leonard."
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"I mean, I don't own Amy. You can't own a person."
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"1863."
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"President Lincoln freed the..."
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"The slaves. Come on, Leonard, if you're gonna teach history..."
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"...these are the kind of facts you'll have to know."
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"You know what? Never mind. I'm gonna tell him it's okay to ask her out."
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"The question is moot. There is no way that Stuart..."
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"...an impoverished peddler of picture books..."
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"...a noted neurobiologist..."
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"...capable of performing surgery on her own feet..."
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"...with nothing but nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anesthesia."
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"All right, but for the record..."
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"Fine. The record shall so reflect."
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"Now, getting back to the problem at hand..."
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"...what to do with a washed-up experimental physicist."
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"I am not washed-up."
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"Oh, Leonard."
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"Lots of people love you and want to help you..."
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"...but they can't until you admit the problem."
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"Ugh. Well, ladies, we killed the bottle."
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"Okay, don't judge me."
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"...lay down for a little bit? Ahem."
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