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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Transporter Malfunction (S05E05)

"They used to make us leave room between us for the Holy Spirit."
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"Hmm."
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"Hindus do the same thing. Except they leave room for a cow. Ha, ha."
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"Listen, I love your charming racist humor."
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"But any chance you could not mock my religion while she's here?"
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"- You made fun of me for eating lox. - Your people don't worship lox."
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"Clearly you've never been to brunch with my cousins."
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"So arranged marriages, the parents just decide..."
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"...and then you get married?"
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"Oh, no, no. I get a say in it. I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company..."
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"...than the threesome I've been having with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth."
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"Excuse me, are you Rajesh?"
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"Oh, yes. You must be Lakshmi."
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"Oh, uh, these are my friends. Uh, this is Bernadette."
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"- Hello. - Uh, and this is Howard."
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"- Nice to meet you. - You too."
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"Dr. Cooper."
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"Is someone there?"
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"- Spock? - I need to speak with you."
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"Fascinating."
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"It is not the only logical explanation."
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"For example, you could be hallucinating..."
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"...after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut."
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"Was I hit on the head by a coconut?"
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"I am not going to dignify that with a response."
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"Now to the matter at hand."
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"You need to play with the Transporter toy."
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"- But it's mint-in-box. - Yes."
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"And to open it would destroy its value."
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"But remember, like me..."
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"...you also have a human half."
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"Consider this."
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"- What is the purpose of a toy? - To be played with."
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"Therefore, to not play with it would be...?"
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"Illogical. Oh, damn it, Spock, you're right."
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"Oh, of course."
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"Set phasers to "Dumb," right? Ha, ha."
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"Goodie, goodie, goodie."
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"I'm gonna do it."
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"I'm doing it."
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"I did it."
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"Oh."
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"That's what I always thought 1975 smelled like."
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"One to beam down, Mr. Scott."
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"Aye, aye, Mr. Spock."
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"Energize."
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"Aah."
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"Energize."
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"Don't be broken."
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"Okay, okay. Think."
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"It's only logical."
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"My goodness, that was delicious."
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"Well, I hope you saved room for chocolate lava cake."
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"Impressive."
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"What goes into making something like that?"
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"Well, you start out by trying to make chocolate soufflé."
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"And when it falls, you panic..."
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"...quickly change the name, and voilà, lava cake."
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"I bet our parents are dying to know how things are going here."
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"Well, let's see."
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"Yep, three missed calls."
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"Four missed calls, two text messages, and a failed video chat."
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"- I win. - Ha, ha."
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"- I'd like to tell them things are going well. - Me too."
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"But before we get their hopes up..."
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"...we should probably make sure we're on the same page."
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"What page are you on?"
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"...to get married and settle down and have a family."
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"And I'm going to do it so they don't find out I'm gay."
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"Say again?"
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"Like..."
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"Dude-on-dude, but with women?"
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"I know a fake marriage isn't an honest way to live..."
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"...but you, of all people, should know how difficult it is to come out."
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"Why me "of all people"?"
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"Well, there's a rumor back in New Delhi that you're..."
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"How shall we say?"
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"...comfortable in a sari."
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"- I'm not gay. - Really?"
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"The chocolate lava cake, the little soaps in the bathroom."
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"And I'm sorry, but you're wearing more perfume than I am."
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"That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar."
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"And for your information, it's unisex."
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"Fill in the blank: "I love the nightlife...""
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"- I like to boogie. - Got you."
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"With women. I like to boogie with women."
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"That's disappointing. You were exactly the kind of phony-baloney husband..."
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"...I was looking for."
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"Thank you."
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"And once again, my baloney likes girls."
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"Wait, wait. You don't wanna put a bite of that in your mouth..."
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"...without trying my homemade Chantilly cream."
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"Oh, dear."
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"Two suns and no sunscreen."
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"Hello again, Sheldon."
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"What is it now, Tiny Spock?"
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"You broke your toy and switched it with Leonard's."
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"You're the one who told me to play with it."
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"If I told you to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise, would you do it?"
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"No."
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"If I got on the bridge of the Enterprise, I would never ever leave."
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"Trust me, it gets old after a while."
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"You must right your wrong, Sheldon."
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"Why? I got away with it."
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"Leonard has his toy, and he's never going to open it."
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"So he won't know it's broken. And I have a toy that isn't broken."
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"Everybody's happy."
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"I thought where you come from they don't have emotions."
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"I come from a factory in Taiwan."
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"Now, do the right thing."
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"You know what you are?"
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"Well, you're a green-blooded buzzkill."
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"Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here."
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"Oh, right, you broke it."
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"Very well. Cooper to Enterprise, one to beam up."
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"Energize."
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"Aah! Tiny Spock! Help!"
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"- Ready for lunch? - Yeah, one sec. Ahh."
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"Oh, good. Ma would've killed me if she found out I broke my retainer."
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"Hey, uh, can I run something by you? It's about Lakshmi."
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