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Clips from The Simpsons - Lisa's Substitute (S02E02)

"Well, now, children, here we are."
The Simpsons
"I agree. Bart, shut that off and sit down."
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"-Are you insane? -It's how I get their attention."
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"-You sure? -Italian?"
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"I can't vote, but I suggest Martin. Martin?"
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"If you're through with your pemmican, why don't we sing a song?"
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"-Any more nominations? -We nominate Bart Simpson! Speech!"
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"Yay, Bart!"
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"Bart! Bart! Bart!"
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""Nobody, of the hundreds of people that visited the fair..."
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"How about you, Ralph?"
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"Fine."
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"-You made the front page. -It's just a popularity contest."
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""Just a popularity contest"? What's more important than popularity?"
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"President Simpson. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, boy?"
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"Go see it while you can."
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"You don't understand. I can't--"
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"All right! I'll take her! Lousy brain."
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"Anything you say! Good luck, lady! You'll need it!"
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"Wow!"
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"Oh, Lord."
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"I've noticed that Lisa seems to feel she has no strong male role model."
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"-Great. Tell her she earned it. -She did earn it."
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"Can we have wine? Can I have wine?"
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"If you're not doing anything this Friday-- No."
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"Mr. Bergstrom, do you like pork chops? Oh, no, of course not."
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"Good morning, Lisa. I'm back."
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"-It means she was faking. -It was a little of both."
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"He's taking the train to Capital City."
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"One for Martin, two for Martin."
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"You're the best teacher I'll ever have."
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"-That's not true. Others will come. -Oh, please!"
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"If you don't mind, I'll run alongside the train..."
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"Goodbye, Lisa, honey!"
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"It'll be okay. Just read the note!"
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"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
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"But you, sir, are a baboon!"
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"-lf you want me to forgive-- -No, I just wish I knew what to say."
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"There's probably a place they hang out..."
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"-You're so silly. -Give me a banana."
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"Hey, what's the matter, son?"
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"Would you have gotten any money for being class president?"
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"Yeah."
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"-"
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"Lisa's Substitute"
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"Hear about Miss Hoover? She drank some drain cleaner."
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"I heard she fell down a well."
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"Come on, now."
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"She's been dumped again."
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"I won't be staying long. I just learned I have Lyme disease."
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"Principal Skinner will stay until a sub comes."
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"Lyme disease is spread by ticks."
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"When a tick begins to suck your blood..."
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"...spirochetes infest your blood and spinal fluid and then the brain."
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"The brain. Oh, dear God!"
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"Come on, Elizabeth."
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"Open your primers to page 32. Ah, subtraction!"
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"Bart Simpson, I know it's you!"
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"And here comes Snowball II. We kept this one."
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"The mother ate the gray one."
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"Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing us."
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"Look, this is cool. When I hit reverse, I can make them go back in."
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"No, you're not seeing things. This, my little friends, is a schwa."
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"-Are you the substitute? -I am."
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"All right. Play friendly with your new teacher, children."
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"Howdy. I'm a Texas cowboy from 1830."
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"-Ask me anything you like. -Can we play kickball?"
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"Kickball? There ain't no kickball in 1830. Any other questions?"
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"Shoot! It's awfully quiet."
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"There are three things wrong with my costume. Name them..."
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"...and you get my hat."
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"-I know the answer. -What's your name?"
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"-Lisa Simpson. -Well, go ahead."
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"Your belt says "State of Texas, " but it wasn't a state until 1845."
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"Very good."
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"-The revolver wasn't around till 1835. -Excellent."
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"You seem to be Jewish."
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"-Jewish. -Cowboys aren't Jewish."
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"Good! I also have a digital watch, but I'll accept that."
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"I'm Mr. Bergstrom. You can make fun of my name."
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"Two suggestions are Mr. Nerd-strom and Mr. Booger-strom."
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"Today we will begin selecting a class president."
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"As president, I would demand a science fiction library..."
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"...featuring an ABC of the overlords of the genre:"
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"-Asimov, Bester, Clarke-- -What about Bradbury?"
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"I'm aware of his work. Thank you, and keep watching the skies."
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"Excellent! Excellent, Martin!"
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"This one's not very accurate, but we'll fix it. Okay?"
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"Actually, the range was far from home."
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"It was a desolate place of danger and disease."
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"Unlike the efficient Indians..."
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"...cowboys used only the tongue of the antelope."
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"What's this? Did you do it?"
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"It was one of those immature--"
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"-Can I have it? -Yes, but I didn't do it."
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"-Are you sure you didn't? It's good. -I wish I had."
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"Class, "The Singing Dork.""
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"Lisa!"
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"I had a speech, but my dog ate it."
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"-Would you do it? -But where's the principal's office?"
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"What did I say about encouraging him?"
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"When Bart wins approval for being a fool--"
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"...knew that a gray spider had played the most important part of all."
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"No one was with her when she died.""
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"Come on, everybody has a talent."
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"There has to be something you do better than anyone."
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"-Well, I can do this. -Yes! Great!"
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"Wonderful!"
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"Chuck?"
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"Disgusting. I love it!"
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"Lisa, you're holding out. I see a saxophone!"
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"-I can't. -Come on. I bet you're good."
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"-I can't. -Sure you can."
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"-Please don't make me do it. -You owe me one."
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"While I'm technically married..."
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"...it hasn't been much of a marriage since Mr. Krabappel moved out."
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"This profession can strain a marriage."
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"I've been looking for a substitute to teach me a lesson I sorely need."
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"Mrs. Krabappel, you're trying to seduce me."
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"Well?"
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