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Clips from M*A*S*H - Major Fred C. Dobbs (S01E01)

"lfound ’em down by the creek."
M*A*S*H
"[Mc/ntyre ] It’s not real gold, Radar What you got there is pyrite."
M*A*S*H
"And ifyou‘re smart, you‘ll see your dentist right away."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m telling you, that‘s gold."
M*A*S*H
"| asked for light chocolates. I‘m allergic to flowers."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re not foryou."
M*A*S*H
"— Hot Lips? — I‘m allergic to her too."
M*A*S*H
"that after tomorrow I‘ll never have to listen to you two again."
M*A*S*H
"Having your ears removed, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"“Absitively.”"
M*A*S*H
"Gee, Frank, this place won ’t seem the same without you. /t’ll be terrific."
M*A*S*H
"Now this has to be the farewell scene ofall time."
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"— Margaret? — F ra n k!"
M*A*S*H
"Did you cut your head again?"
M*A*S*H
"[Chuckles] Yes, I cut my head again."
M*A*S*H
"Long—stemmed—— Stems?"
M*A*S*H
"They were chrysanthemums, before Pierce and McIntyre got at ‘em."
M*A*S*H
"Why would they destroy your flowers?"
M*A*S*H
"Why would they put cream cheese in my house slippers? Do I know?"
M*A*S*H
"They‘re crazy!"
M*A*S*H
"I talked to the cook."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s bringing some pork chops here tonight."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ve put in for a transfer. — A transfer?"
M*A*S*H
"Tell me and I‘ll do it. Or if it‘s something I‘ve done, I‘ll undo it."
M*A*S*H
"and Pierce and McIntyre have broken mine."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, I do, Margaret!"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, you‘re crushing my ‘mums."
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"[Frank] |don‘t mean to hurtyou. It‘s the last thing I‘d want to do."
M*A*S*H
"[ Margaret] And yet you‘re leaving me."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll be devastated without you. You know that."
M*A*S*H
"—|‘|l write you every day... faithfully. —You promise?"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, we‘re both mature, grown—up adults. We——"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, what are you doing? Put that down. It‘s government property."
M*A*S*H
"[Crash]"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s chilly out there. How ‘bout a drink?"
M*A*S*H
"Double or a triple?"
M*A*S*H
"How about the first quintuple martini in medical history?"
M*A*S*H
"How about you, Frank? One for the road?"
M*A*S*H
"And as of right now, I don‘t know either one ofyou."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re nothing but common drunks."
M*A*S*H
"That is a rumor started by people I‘ve fallen over."
M*A*S*H
"and my 30—foot yacht..."
M*A*S*H
"and you two will be ship‘s doctors on a garbage scow somewhere."
M*A*S*H
"Freud said it best when he said, “Never ask for light chocolates.”"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re both a disgrace to the medical profession,"
M*A*S*H
"I almost forgot. It‘s time to listen to my favorite Armed Forces soap opera,"
M*A*S*H
"Soap operas now. You‘re deteriorating by the minute."
M*A*S*H
"[ Frank] I‘ll write you every day... faithfully."
M*A*S*H
"“I‘ll write every day faithfully.” Listen to that dribble, that manure."
M*A*S*H
"You know, anyone who could listen to that——"
M*A*S*H
"You! Pierce!"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, please. Frank! We all bunk together, Frank."
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"[Frank] We could meet in Tokyo."
M*A*S*H
"[Margaret] Some beautiful things can happen even in the army"
M*A*S*H
"[Frank Continues On Tape |ndistinctly]"
M*A*S*H
"You two guys should be sentenced to life in front ofa firing squad."
M*A*S*H
"— Something the matter with your mouth? — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"I got a temporary filling and a tooth that‘s killing me."
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t we go to my dentist in Detroit?"
M*A*S*H
"Boy, you guysjust don‘t get it, do you? The party is over!"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m holding you both directly responsible..."
M*A*S*H
"for this unit losing a fair, competent general surgeon, and now its head nurse."
M*A*S*H
"— Hot Lips is leaving? — She says she was publicly humiliated."
M*A*S*H
"She has. And to think ofall the times I offered to humiliate her privately."
M*A*S*H
"Boy, you guys are impossible."
M*A*S*H
"Well, flre us, Henry. Fire us!"
M*A*S*H
"Listen, big shot, I‘m gonna do more than that."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m gonna do more than that."
M*A*S*H
"What am I doing? This is my office. You guys, get out!"
M*A*S*H
"Hawkeye?"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Hawk."
M*A*S*H
"|f| open my eyes and you‘re not a blond pushover, you‘re in trouble."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s me, Radar. You gotta get up right away."
M*A*S*H
"One more word and I‘ll nail your tongue to your nose!"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m sorry. It‘s the colonel‘s orders."
M*A*S*H
"Trapper too. You both have post—op duty this morning. Trapper?"
M*A*S*H
"What are you talking about? Wejust came off post—op duty."
M*A*S*H
"Get your hands offme."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll clean your glasses and you‘ll find out where you are."
M*A*S*H
"Col. Blake says both you guys from now on are pullin‘ double duty..."
M*A*S*H
"[Mock Chuckle]"
M*A*S*H
"He can‘t do that to us."
M*A*S*H
"He‘ll wear us to a frazzle."
M*A*S*H
"I think maybe we finally went too far."
M*A*S*H
"You should have thought ofthat before we started."
M*A*S*H
"Give me a minute."
M*A*S*H
"—Wanta martini? — No, thanks. I just put one away."
M*A*S*H
"What are you laughin ’ at?"
M*A*S*H
"|think| have what just might be an idea."
M*A*S*H
"Yeah?"
M*A*S*H
"Three ofthe basic human emotions..."
M*A*S*H
"|fthere was money in dying, he‘d throw himselfunder a truck in a minute."
M*A*S*H
"All ofwhich means what?"
M*A*S*H
"Remember that story Radar told us about there being gold in Korea?"
M*A*S*H
"Frank isn‘t much smarter."
M*A*S*H
"|fhe thought he could get rich staying here, he‘d never leave."
M*A*S*H
"Now how ‘bout a martini?"
M*A*S*H
"He must have some around here someplace. Every dentist does."
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t know how anyone can be a dentist."
M*A*S*H
"— Gives you wrinkled flngers. — Yuck!"
M*A*S*H
"— Hey! — What?"
M*A*S*H
"Must be Henry‘s."
M*A*S*H
"|fit is, it‘s the only good thing that ever came out ofhis mouth."
M*A*S*H
"Forget it. He‘s still asleep."
M*A*S*H
"— How much gold do you think we got? —I don‘t know."
M*A*S*H
"Enough to buy Frank‘s country club and have him thrown out ofit."
M*A*S*H
"In my wildest dreams, I never thought I‘d be this rich. I‘ll buyyou a drink."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t be greedy. I‘m putting mine under my bed."
M*A*S*H
"— Why not under my bunk? —Stop pulling it!"
M*A*S*H
"Quiet. You‘ll wake him up."
M*A*S*H
"Shh. Where are you going with that?"
M*A*S*H
"—The First National Latrine. — Aren‘t you afraid of being robbed?"
M*A*S*H
"Have you ever heard ofa latrine being robbed?"
M*A*S*H
"I‘m going with you."
M*A*S*H
"What‘d I say?"
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"— Were you talking? — Oh, really, Frank."
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"These rocks!"
M*A*S*H
"| just wanted a last look around, you know, sort ofa sentimental journey."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s so unlike you. You never liked the outdoors."
M*A*S*H
"Well, that‘s ridiculous."
M*A*S*H
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