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Clips from M*A*S*H - Major Fred C. Dobbs (S01E01)

"Any time I‘m not indoors, that‘s where you‘ll find me."
M*A*S*H
"Shh."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s all right, Radar. |—|—| just wanted to borrow something."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Do you, uh, always sleep with a teddy bear?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, not when I‘m on duty, sir."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s okay. It‘s okay."
M*A*S*H
"Bad man go away."
M*A*S*H
"[Panting]"
M*A*S*H
"Gold! Gold!"
M*A*S*H
"Gold, gold, gold!"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Frank, do you know what——"
M*A*S*H
"|, uh, fell down."
M*A*S*H
"Really? How many times?"
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ve got to talk to you, sir. — Not now, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"| just lost a temporary fllling,"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, ifyou thinkyou‘re gonna sleep here tonight, you‘re crazy."
M*A*S*H
"I mean my transfer. I want to stay!"
M*A*S*H
"Well, tear them up! Tear up my orders! |don‘t want to go!"
M*A*S*H
"— What about Pierce and McIntyre? — Great guys. Fun—loving."
M*A*S*H
"— A little high—spir—— What? — Frank."
M*A*S*H
"You‘ve been pushing your stethoscope too far into your ears."
M*A*S*H
"I think it scratched your brain."
M*A*S*H
"Well, think whateveryou like, but I don‘t want to leave here."
M*A*S*H
"— There it is! — Where?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s right underyour foot."
M*A*S*H
"Is this your final decision, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"Absolutely and irrevocably, yes."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve got to tell you somethin‘, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve gone to sleep with happier thoughts."
M*A*S*H
"But, Frank, I‘m all packed. What do you mean we‘re not leaving?"
M*A*S*H
"The colonel has rescinded my orders. You‘ll just have to unpack."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve said good—bye to all the nurses. They even gave me a farewell present."
M*A*S*H
"They must have spent at least two dollars."
M*A*S*H
"Who is she, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"Frank, I don‘t understand any ofthis."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, don‘t cry, Margaret. — Ow!"
M*A*S*H
"Or go ahead, and I‘ll dryyourtears with a gold handkerchief."
M*A*S*H
"There‘s a fortune in gold out there."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve seen it! McIntyre and Pierce have a whole bag ofit!"
M*A*S*H
"Waita minute. I smell a rat."
M*A*S*H
"No, two rats. Two 1 4—karat rats."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, no. No, no, no, no."
M*A*S*H
"Let me prove it to you. Come on."
M*A*S*H
"Morning, Maj. Burns, Maj. Houlihan."
M*A*S*H
"The secrets out. Come on!"
M*A*S*H
"This way."
M*A*S*H
"You see? [Giggling] You see?"
M*A*S*H
"[Man Over RA. ] A tten tion. A tten tion, all personnel"
M*A*S*H
"Tonight’s double feature is Greed,"
M*A*S*H
"and The Major Was a Miner,"
M*A*S*H
"starring Maj. Frank “There Goes My Transfer" Burns."
M*A*S*H
"— Frank, they‘re trying to make amends. —[Groans]"
M*A*S*H
"We‘ll never try to makeyou look foolish again, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"Scout‘s honor."
M*A*S*H
"Well, okay."
M*A*S*H
"Oh! What are you doing? Stop that!"
M*A*S*H
"How about selling married couples his—and—her—terectomies?"
M*A*S*H
"My head is getting wall—to—wall crazy."
M*A*S*H
"— Would you like a drink? — |s gas inflammable?"
M*A*S*H
"What‘s happened to your hook—— your hand?"
M*A*S*H
"[Gasps]"
M*A*S*H
"Col. Blake has okayed my transfer."
M*A*S*H
"The kind you like... with extra fat."
M*A*S*H
"It‘sjust that every man has a breaking point,"
M*A*S*H
"[Margaret] But last night you said you lo i/ed me."
M*A*S*H
"| make it a point never to drink with strangers."
M*A*S*H
"That‘s right. Nurse Dribble and Dr. Manure."
M*A*S*H
"— You dirty rat, you! —]ames Cagney."
M*A*S*H
"0h, Margaret, there’s so much to do and so little time."
M*A*S*H
"[ Lisping] It‘s absolutely inexcusable!"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t care how drunkyou make me, I‘m not going home with you."
M*A*S*H
"I love the outdoors."
M*A*S*H
"— We‘re sorry, Frank. — We really are."
M*A*S*H
"I told you he was a sweetheart."
M*A*S*H
"How dare you!"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t ever want her at my table again. She‘s an incompetent bungler."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, you guys. What if| told you there‘s real gold out there?"
M*A*S*H
"What a reliefit is to know..."
M*A*S*H
"[Glasses flattering]"
M*A*S*H
"No."
M*A*S*H
"I want a transfer and I want it now."
M*A*S*H
"Ha, ha."
M*A*S*H
"[Margaret] I‘ll be devastated without you, you know that."
M*A*S*H
"This can‘t be Death Valley Scotty, can it?"
M*A*S*H
"And then the cops brought him to the woods hoping the bears would raise him."
M*A*S*H
"— You bring a lot ofthis on yourself. — Oh, really?"
M*A*S*H
"Make Franka ShirleyTemple and put it on my tab."
M*A*S*H
"I take my life in my hands every time | go to bed."
M*A*S*H
"— [Object Banging] — Say what?"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, I have something very painful to tell you."
M*A*S*H
"It takes a certain kind ofman not to crack under combat."
M*A*S*H
"But we can still make dinner. It‘s not till tomorrow."
M*A*S*H
"let alone the United States Army."
M*A*S*H
"And you got that from an expert on the subject."
M*A*S*H
"This is it, Colonel! This is it!"
M*A*S*H
"“The Princess and the Pea?”"
M*A*S*H
"Darling, it‘s nothing you‘ve done, or did."
M*A*S*H
"Just like I do mywife."
M*A*S*H
"Let‘s flnish these and go back to the creek and get some more."
M*A*S*H
"and every time| suck air it‘s a new adventure in pain."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve decided not to go, sir."
M*A*S*H
"For cryin‘ out loud, Frank! I went to a lot oftrouble to accommodate you."
M*A*S*H
"I never want to leave here. I‘m yours... forever."
M*A*S*H
"One morning they gave me the “Princess and the Pea” treatment."
M*A*S*H