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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Kaye Ballard (S01E01)

"It's The Muppet Show,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(♪ "The Muppet Show" theme)"
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"♪ It's time to play the music"
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"♪ It's time to dress up right"
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"Have you heard the one about this very flat bear?"
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"♪ To introduce our guest star"
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"♪ To introduce to you"
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"♪ Celebrational, Muppetational"
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"♪ This is what we call"
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"♪ The Muppet Show ♪"
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"Not bad."
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"And our special guest star tonight is one of the funniest ladies in the business"
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"♪ "Some other time," that's what you say when I want you"
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"♪ Then you laugh at me and make me cry"
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"♪ When the nights are cold and you're so all alone"
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"♪ Ring a-ding a-ding ba ding bam bing bang bing"
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"♪ Ner near nare... ♪ Dong dor dorn..."
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"♪ Ghee a-ghee a-goh gh-ghee ghee gh-gh-gh-ghee"
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"(both) ♪ In the summertime when all the trees and leaves are green"
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"♪ And the redbird sings I'll be blue"
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"♪ Ring a-ding a-ding a-dang ba ding bang bing bong"
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"Encore! Encore!"
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"Hey, Kermit, so long, man."
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"Hey, but, Floyd, the show is on."
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"But, Floyd, you can't just leave us."
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"Listen, Kermit,"
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"♪ Dunh dunh dunh dunh da-da ♪"
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"Hey, Animal, you like the theme, don't you?"
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"Yeah, yeah!"
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"Whoop. (drum flourish)"
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"Right now, gang, it's time to meet a star"
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"Aw, Kaye."
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"♪ Oh, babe"
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"♪ What would you say?"
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"I'm so sorry."
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"♪ What would you say? ♪"
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"(laughs) You dirty old man."
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"and now, before it's time for that awful theme song, we're leaving."
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"Oh, good. Listen, I'm asking you,"
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"But wait a minute, wait a minute."
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"I always thought it was kind of a hip tune."
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"...and the dog fell over the nose of the tree"
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"who wore a turtleneck convertible as the rain fell..."
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"...in what was said not the fault of the blueberry bush,"
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"...in the third row of the balcony,"
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"So has my family."
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"George, why is it that everything we discuss"
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"I just want to make you feel comfortable."
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""What kind of a girl do you think I am?""
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"Oh."
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"Il canto... E l'amore... Ma il bambino."
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"Is that Italian? No, it's pig Latin."
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"Pig Latin!"
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"♪ I just get up and it's time to sit down"
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"♪ Life gets teejus, don't it?"
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"because I'm a bit of a musician myself."
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"Animal! Come here. I'd like to talk to you a minute."
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"Now listen,"
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"♪ Da da da da da da... ♪ Bleah."
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"as a demeaning situation. Right?"
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"I think it's good."
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"Animal! Animal! Animal! Please control yourself."
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"Now, I really feel you should discuss this further with Kermit..."
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"I don't think we need to actually discuss... Discuss! Aah!"
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"(panting)"
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"Hi. Howdy."
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"My rock group just broke up, and I'm sick of it."
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"All righty."
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"Yes, but it's the audience that should be doing the running."
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"By the way, who cuts your hair - the gardener?"
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"Hey, my friendly froggy little flipper friend. Yeah?"
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"If I can write the new theme song."
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"Hello. I am Vendaface,"
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"Oh, yes! I'll do it, I'll do it!"
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"(inserts coin)"
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"(sucking)"
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"Next."
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"OK. So you've written a new theme song, huh?"
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"Hit it!"
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"♪ Mup-Mup-Mup-pet Show ♪"
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"That was the worst! And besides that,"
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"Frog has no musical taste."
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"♪ Other notes are bound to follow"
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"♪ There's so many people who can talk and talk and talk"
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"♪ Re mi fa so la ti do"
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"Me and the band want Miss Ballard to sign this petition"
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"Well, having settled that, I'd like a warm thank-you"
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"to our special guest star Miss Kaye Ballard. Yay!"
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"I love you. I really do. I love all of you."
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"Wait a minute, I take that back. There's one exception."
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"(♪ piano solo of "The Muppet Show" theme)"
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"Well, you must admit, Nigel,"
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"with our special guest star, Miss Kaye Ballard."
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"♪ It's time to light the lights"
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"♪ It's time to put on makeup"
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"Hey, have you heard the one about this very fat pig?"
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"Hii-yah!"
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"♪ That's what I'm here to do"
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"♪ So it really makes me happy"
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"Miss Kaye Ballard."
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"♪ But now let's get things started"
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"Whoop! (rimshot)"
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"Thank you, thank you,"
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"and welcome again to The Muppet Show."
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"and one of the nicest - Miss Kaye Ballard."
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"So we think it's gonna be a great show tonight,"
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"and if you stick around, we think you'll agree."
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"But right now, let's get things moving on The Muppet Show."
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"♪ In the summertime when all the trees and leaves are green"
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"♪ And the redbird sings I'll be blue"
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"♪ 'Cause you don't want my love"
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"♪ 'Cause you don't want my love"
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"(both) ♪ You don't seem to care a thing about me"
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"♪ Ging gong de-gong gong ging ga-ding ga-ding ga-ding dong"
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"(both) ♪ In the summertime when all the trees and leaves are green"
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"♪ And the redbird sings I'll be blue"
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"♪ 'Cause you don't want my love"
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"♪ Ner near nare deedle deedle near-nor near-nor near-nor"
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"♪ Deedle deedle deedle-no near-nor near-nor..."
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"♪ Duddle deedle doddle ding-dong..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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