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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Acupuncturist (S02E02)

"Feeling all right? No uncomfortable sensations?"
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"- No, how much longer? - Maybe 10 to 15 more minutes."
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"- Very good. - Yes."
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"Yeah. I think you'll be very happy with the treatment."
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"Really?"
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"Of course, I absolutely guarantee it if you follow my prescribed course."
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"- Four to six weeks, maybe twice a week. - Yeah."
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"You have?"
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"- Really? - I never get any results."
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"people who call themselves healers."
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"Yeah, healers. What a joke that is."
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"Well, I understand your concerns."
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"But acupuncture has been around for a long time..."
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"- Yeah? - Yes."
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"- You do? - Yes."
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"Okay, I'll tell you what. I got a little proposition for you."
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"If you can fix my neck, I'll give you $5,000."
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"- $5,000? - $5,000."
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"- And if you do not recover, I get nothing? - You get nothing."
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"Well, it would be like taking candy from a baby, but..."
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"- Really? - Yes."
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"I love you. I love your confidence."
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"Wait a minute now, if I cure you, how would I know if you are cured or not?"
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"What are you saying? You're saying that I wouldn't tell you?"
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"So I wouldn't have to pay the money? That's ridiculous."
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"- Come on, I'm a man of honor. - It's a family tradition, honor."
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"It's not in my family, but I'm trying to break the mold."
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"All right, done."
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"I hope you win."
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"Larry?"
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"How you doing?"
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"- It's Barry. - Yeah."
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"What the..."
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"You don't have to look at me that way, no need for pity."
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"No, I mean, I'm just shocked to see you here working."
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"What do you want?"
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"- I talk to Elliot and Andy occasionally. - Yeah, how's Elliot doing?"
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"The writing wasn't happening?"
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"You know, I just couldn't write for TV anymore."
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"But things are going good, except for this thing with my dad, a situation."
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"He came to your house, yeah, I remember."
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"- this weird number on me- - Try and put that on the swiss if you can."
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"Boy, he's got seven total bases there, yeah."
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"But he won't let me have any of it, you know?"
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"Your father's got a lot of money, doesn't he?"
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"Yeah, you know, and so, it's..."
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"- He knows you're working in a deli? - Yeah, of course he does, yeah."
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"And won't give you the money until he dies? Why do people do that?"
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"I don't know why you have to wait until he dies. That's crazy."
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"You'd think that he would want his kid to be happy..."
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"Are you guys out of peanut butter here? Because I can't find it."
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"Hey, let me ask you something."
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"It's amazing that you came in here today. It could really help me out."
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"I need to borrow $5,000."
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"I'll be able to pay you back as soon as he, you know, as he goes."
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"Yeah, when do you expect that'll be?"
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"Okay, tell me if I got this right."
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"Asshole."
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"So, in the last three hours, you've given away $10,000."
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"Yeah, that's not quite accurate."
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"I haven't paid the acupuncturist yet. He has to cure my neck."
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"And I'll be happy to give it to him if he does."
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"And Weiner's father has a heart condition..."
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"and he's not supposed to live that long, and then he'll give me the money back."
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"I don't know why you call him an asshole. Is he?"
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"- He's not an asshole, he's just shy. - No, he's not shy."
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"He thinks he's smarter than everybody else..."
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"- and he sits there and he judges- - No, he doesn't, he's just shy."
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"It's just that you got shy-asshole confusion, my friend."
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"- No, I don't think so, my friend. - Yes, I think so."
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"People come to you with their hands out, you can't say no?"
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"I have trouble saying no."
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"You know why?"
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"'Cause you're a pussy. I'm just being frank."
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"Maybe I'm nice. You have nice-pussy confusion."
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"And he invited us to his wife's surprise birthday party..."
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"and I couldn't say no to that either."
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"Hey there, flowers for Larry David."
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"- Yeah, I wish. - Thanks."
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"Did you give him a $5,000 tip?"
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"Flowers."
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""Enjoy these beautiful orchids. Kazu.""
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"- Who's Kazu? - The acupuncturist."
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"Why is the acupuncturist giving you flowers?"
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"It was depressing to see him like that."
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"I didn't know he was working in the deli."
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"He keeps in contact with me. He doesn't let me know that stuff."
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"Boy. "There, but for the grace of God, go you.""
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"- Go me, not you? - No, not me."
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"Yeah, go me."
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"He invited me to a surprise party next Thursday night for his wife."
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"- You're going? - Yeah, I'll pick you up, we'll go together."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"I don't know if I'll even go back to him 'cause of this."
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"Would you? I don't know? Would you go back?"
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"I mean, that's a weird thing. I wouldn't go back."
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"Let me ask you a question."
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"Is it common in Japan for a man to send another man orchids?"
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"A professional man?"
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"I knew you'd open up a can of worms just by starting to ask him."
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"- He's been weird all lunch. - What the hell?"
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"- I don't know what that was. - What was that?"
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"- That guy's a freak. - I think I struck a chord."
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"- Good to see you. - Good to see you."
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"- Jeff, nice to meet you. - Heard a lot about you."
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"The estate lawyer, he's gonna handle my estate when I die..."
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"and I leave you all my money."
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"Have you worked it out that way? Cheryl will love me."
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"- You're not working today? - Yeah, I'm going back right now."
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"- What's with the outfit? - It's Casual Friday."
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"- I don't like this Casual Friday. - What are you, my mother?"
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"I want you people to be uncomfortable all the time."
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"Yeah, Naked Tuesdays. See? He's a funny lawyer."
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"- All right, I gotta go. Okay, nice to meet you. - All right, I'll see you."
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"I'll see you Tuesday."
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"Casual Friday. Pisses me off."
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"I'm telling you, soon it's going to be Casual Monday."
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"Five to 10 years."
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"That's the direction we're heading. It's gonna be a sad state of affairs."
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"People like you walking around like people like me."
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