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Clips from Schitt's Creek - New Car (S03E03)

"I think we can do without."
Schitt's Creek
"I see... now, I know this may sound premature,"
Schitt's Creek
"but have the two of you thought about the planning"
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"of your own funerals?"
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"I think we got what we came here for,"
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"thank you so much."
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"What?"
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"- Well, if I squint,"
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"I feel like I'm seeing your rough and rugged"
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"country cousin."
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"- Oh, and you feel confident"
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"you've hit the target with this?!"
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"I apprenticed costume design under Stan LaCoulier."
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"I'm sure he'd agree this toggery"
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"is the perfect tribute to the common woman."
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"Oh, John, look."
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"It's our car!"
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"Well, Moira, let's not pick the first car we see."
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"- No, before David was born!"
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"don't you remember?"
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"Well, I don't remember the "Everything Be Irie""
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"bumper sticker."
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"- Oh no, it's perfect!"
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"Hello! - Moira!"
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"This car is $3,000 more than our budget."
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"- I'm a trained actor."
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"A humble back story will disabuse this man"
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"of any notion we're too patrician."
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"- Well, okay, but..."
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"let's start by losing words like "patrician.""
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"- Hey folks, how we doin' today?"
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"- Oh, excited beyond compare!"
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"Yes, especially with this being our first ever purchase"
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"of an automobile."
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"- Yes, it's our first car,"
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"let's hope we can afford it."
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"Yes, my poor 'usband, lost his job recently"
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"as a tennis pro,"
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"yes, at a public resort, that is, yeah."
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"Well, let's get you folks settled inside,"
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"we'll see what we can do."
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"- Oh, thank you."
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"It'll be nice to get off the streets,"
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"and be indoors for a change, yeah?"
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"- Moira... - What?!"
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"Moira: The truth is that um..."
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"we've-we've struggled with penury"
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"for quite some time now,"
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"well, just two years ago, we were..."
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"practically 'omeless."
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"- Where are you two from?"
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"You know, I've been wondering that myself."
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"I was one of two identical twins."
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"Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth"
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"by Russian mobsters."
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"Mhmm, they looked at my fair skin,"
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"and my dazzling eyes, and they said,"
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"we'll make a pretty penny on that one,"
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"on the human black market, we will."
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"- And what about the twin? - What's that, love?"
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"- Well, if you're identical,"
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"I thought you'd both be valuable."
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"- Yes, wouldn't you?"
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"- She wasn't born yet."
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"Yep, she wasn't born."
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"'til three minutes later,"
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"and the Bratva work very quickly."
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"- That is quite a story."
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"Isn't it?"
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"Um, excuse me, I... I'll be back in a moment."
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"- I think he's buying it!"
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"- You think?"
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"Hey!"
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"These are for you."
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"Oh, you didn't have to do that."
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"- Lisa dropped them off."
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"- Oh. - Hey!"
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"- Don't be embarrassed."
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"- I'm not embarrassed."
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"- I know your little secret,"
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"and as your assistant I will be discreet,"
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"and professional. - What?"
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"No one's gonna know that you're having"
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"an adventurous little rendezvous"
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"with an apple-cheeked farmwoman!"
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"- But that's not what happened!"
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"- Wink."
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"I was making a house call to Lisa's farm,"
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"and got..."
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"head-butted by her goat."
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"and then the other one kind of just like hops..."
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"- No, uh..."
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"I was head-butted by an actual goat."
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"And as a vet, that's not something"
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"that I want getting out, so please don't be thinking"
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"that this is something that it isn't."
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"- Okay. Sorry."
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"Those are delicious, by the way."
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"She practically begged me to try one."
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"So... I did."
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"And I also took a couple for David."
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"Um, yeah, you're right, this is a bit depressing."
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"- She was very specific"
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"about where she wanted to be scattered."
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"where-how... where should we do..."
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"Well, I don't want people parking on her!"
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"- Okay. - So..."
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"Maybe I could just put her on the grass over there?"
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"- Sure."
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"- Ooh, it smells like cigarettes."
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"- Ohhh... - Um..."
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"do we scatter it all, or do we..."
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"I don't know!"
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"This is gonna be me."
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"Well, theoretically, it's gonna be all of us."
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"Um, although I'm hoping that when I pass,"
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"there'll be a little more fanfare."
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"My great aunt worked at the motel."
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"Front desk."
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"- You never told me that. - Yep."
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