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Clips from Farzar - The Adventures of Daddy O'Baggins (S01E01)

"♪ Pee pa poo ♪"
Farzar
"I have a birthmark on my ass in the shape of a treasure map."
Farzar
"♪ Boo da da pa squaw ♪"
Farzar
"So I looked at my ass in a mirror and followed it."
Farzar
"♪ Bee da ba bee bop ba doo dow ♪"
Farzar
"It led me to you."
Farzar
"That's the best story I've ever heard! You should come live in our city!"
Farzar
"Is it Daddy O'Baggins? Or Daddio Baggins?"
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"Yes."
Farzar
"♪ Ba dee doo ♪"
Farzar
"♪ Ska doo ba dot squee dap scoo ♪"
Farzar
"Introducing Czar Fichael,"
Farzar
"and the horn up his ass because he thought I was playing."
Farzar
"[horn tooting]"
Farzar
"Ah!"
Farzar
"Ah. Thanks, Scootie."
Farzar
"We're gonna start off with an informative video"
Farzar
"about adjusting to your new life in Dome City."
Farzar
"Hi, Mr. Stumpy."
Farzar
"Hi, Fichael!"
Farzar
"Whoops, wrong video!"
Farzar
"Why'd you turn it off? It was just getting good!"
Farzar
"I want to see it."
Farzar
"Don't worry, I beat the hell out that sun."
Farzar
"That wasn't the sun. That was your son."
Farzar
"Still made me feel like a big man."
Farzar
"So, uh, is Renzo gonna be making an appearance at this meeting?"
Farzar
"I'm definitely excited to meet him and not kill him or anything."
Farzar
"Sh! The video's starting!"
Farzar
"Thanks, Fichael. And to answer your question, boo-bees. [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Oh yeah. Hey, Fichael. What type of bees make milk?"
Farzar
"Moving on."
Farzar
"To be citizens here, you'll need to learn a few facts about humans."
Farzar
"They only have one butthole,"
Farzar
"and touching nipples is not an appropriate greeting."
Farzar
"And those are just a few things I learned this morning."
Farzar
"Before long, you'll be making human friends like these."
Farzar
"Hi, I'm Val. Welcome to the city!"
Farzar
"And I'm Mal."
Farzar
"I'm the person who's gonna murder you all when this moron's dad comes back."
Farzar
"Now, we need to get you guys job assignments"
Farzar
"so you can be productive citizens."
Farzar
"Daddy O'Baggins, what was your job outside the Dome?"
Farzar
"Freelance jazz karate lothario slash cabana boy."
Farzar
"You sound tough. You can work here at the S.H.A.T. Squad."
Farzar
"You can trust me, or my name isn't--"
Farzar
"Bazarack. That definitely Bazarack."
Farzar
"Flobby and Belzert, what were your old jobs?"
Farzar
"We were firemen."
Farzar
"Oh, that's great! We always need more firemen in the city."
Farzar
"What the hell are you guys doing?"
Farzar
"What? We told you we were firemen."
Farzar
"You're supposed to put out fires, not start 'em!"
Farzar
"What do we look like? Water men?"
Farzar
"So far, so good, Clitaris."
Farzar
"I've infiltrated the S.H.A.T. Squad, and I'm earning their trust."
Farzar
"They've already given me an important assignment."
Farzar
"Yeah, I need a half-caf macchiato for Val, 12 shots of espresso for Mal,"
Farzar
"and a cup of human hair for Barry."
Farzar
"As for me, well, this is on the company card,"
Farzar
"so give me whatever is the most expensive!"
Farzar
"Sure. One $12 pumpkin spice latte."
Farzar
"Soon, I'll track down Renzo and bring this horrible city to its knees."
Farzar
"[dance music plays]"
Farzar
"[Bazarack blubbering]"
Farzar
"Oh yeah! Eat that pumpkin ass!"
Farzar
"I love this city, and I love pumpkin spice lattes!"
Farzar
"I went to the mall. Have you guys ever heard of kiosks?"
Farzar
"It's a fucking store in a wagon."
Farzar
"For four grand, you can buy the whole thing."
Farzar
"I put this on the expense card. Felt like a work thing."
Farzar
"Anyway, who wants a bedazzled phone case?"
Farzar
"How about a light-up, LED, slingshot-style, flying helicopter toy?"
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"-I love it! -You like toys too?"
Farzar
"Toys? That helicopter's my cousin, man. Zootie, watch out for that ceiling fan!"
Farzar
"Oh, shit! If Aunt RC Car asks, I wasn't here!"
Farzar
"Everybody, shut the fuck up! We're trying to do some work here."
Farzar
"Renzo says this is the biggest threat to our city."
Farzar
"Who is?"
Farzar
"How nobody see this?"
Farzar
"Personally, I think Bazarack's just an impotent clown."
Farzar
"That tracks. Impotent clowns are the most dangerous clowns."
Farzar
"Dangerous? Ha! Dude's a joke!"
Farzar
"If he's such a joke,"
Farzar
"then why has he got weapons hidden here, here, here, and here?"
Farzar
"And why does he have a big, tough number two named Clitaris"
Farzar
"that lives with his bitch wife right here? Hmm?"
Farzar
"[phone beeping]"
Farzar
"Sorry I'm on the phone, honey."
Farzar
"I'm trying to reach Bazarack to get an update on his mission inside the city."
Farzar
"I totally understand."
Farzar
"I just wish Bazarack would treat you with the respect you deserve."
Farzar
"He can be a bit quirky."
Farzar
"But, you know, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove,"
Farzar
"he's got my back."
Farzar
"Oh, fuck!"
Farzar
"This is a fun job. What did I just blow up?"
Farzar
"Okay, your last job was a disaster,"
Farzar
"but I don't think you can screw this one up."
Farzar
"All you have to do is shoot this tiny food with this growth ray."
Farzar
"That's how we have enough food here for the whole Dome City!"
Farzar
"We won't let you down, Fichael."
Farzar
"I wonder if this ray makes everything bigger?"
Farzar
"[suspenseful music plays]"
Farzar
"I need an abortion!"
Farzar
"Whoa. Whoa. Slow down. An abortion is a very delicate procedure."
Farzar
"Uh, do you want to go with original or extra crispy?"
Farzar
"I don't care, just kill it!"
Farzar
"Oh, shit, it's armed!"
Farzar
"-Ah! -[Barry] Oh!"
Farzar
"This is coming out of your tip!"
Farzar
"Actually, I think it's coming out of yours."
Farzar
"Ah! I knew it was risky to pop back up, but it was worth it for that zinger."
Farzar
"[horn blaring]"
Farzar
"[scoffs] Fichael, will you finally admit"
Farzar
"that maybe you picked the wrong aliens for this?"
Farzar
"No. This is my one chance to prove alien immigration works."
Farzar
"Besides, I think the Intellectoids are fitting right in."
Farzar
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