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Clips from Farzar - The Adventures of Daddy O'Baggins (S01E01)

"Eating trash pizza?"
Farzar
"No, I also plan to take a bubble bath in grape Kool-Aid."
Farzar
"You always talk about alien immigration."
Farzar
"Now you're czar, you finally have a chance to do it!"
Farzar
"That's a great idea!"
Farzar
"But the czar is kind of busy right now."
Farzar
"Power! [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Unlimited power!"
Farzar
"Oh. Goddamn, I didn't even put the packet in yet."
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"Who's got ideas on how to take down the city?"
Farzar
"Because fuck your ideas, I've got a better one."
Farzar
"I'm gonna kill Renzo! I just haven't worked out how yet."
Farzar
"I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me."
Farzar
"Ah!"
Farzar
"What kind of Daffy Duck bullshit is this?"
Farzar
"I hate this lair!"
Farzar
"This place is a shithole"
Farzar
"and the rent's so damn high we had to get a roommate."
Farzar
"Why are you always cooking, Agnes?"
Farzar
"It smells like cat piss!"
Farzar
"Speaking of piss, I'm still mad that I had to put down a pet deposit for Gorpzorp."
Farzar
"I am not a pet."
Farzar
"I am a scientist, damn it!"
Farzar
"He's yapping again. Put him in his crate."
Farzar
"How dare you put me in this accursed prison?"
Farzar
"At least give me my squeaky steak toy, you bastards!"
Farzar
"This place sucks. I can't even order a decent salad around here."
Farzar
"They put jicama in everything."
Farzar
"Who likes that shit? It just tastes like crunchy water!"
Farzar
"[whispers indistinctly]"
Farzar
"Master, our spies tell us"
Farzar
"that Prince Fichael is planning to enact alien immigration."
Farzar
"Hey, do not interrupt me when I'm workshopping my tight five on jicama!"
Farzar
"Perhaps if you posed as an immigrant, you could infiltrate the human city"
Farzar
"and execute your plan to kill Renzo."
Farzar
"Or we could keep talking about jicama."
Farzar
"Well, someone's bitchy"
Farzar
"because their dad died and I didn't give them the day off."
Farzar
"You know you're lucky your ideas are better than your dad's heart!"
Farzar
"He died of space lupus, Master."
Farzar
"I was just doing a bit. Holy shit! Your dad actually died?"
Farzar
"-[grunting] -[toy squeaking]"
Farzar
"I have you now, steak!"
Farzar
"One day, I will find the source of your magic squeaking"
Farzar
"and rip it from your rubber loins!"
Farzar
"Are you sure you know where you're going? All this stress is bad for the baby."
Farzar
"The baby we're trying to abort?"
Farzar
"I still want the best for him!"
Farzar
"I'm gonna make some calls and get him into a private dumpster."
Farzar
"If not, he'll never get into a good landfill."
Farzar
"Oh, no. You've led us to…"
Farzar
"[announcer] Extreme Border Patrol!"
Farzar
"-These guys will recognize me! -Don't worry, I've got this."
Farzar
"Folks, we've got a new contestant tonight, and he's one weird-looking alien."
Farzar
"Welcome, Renzbo!"
Farzar
"No, no, no, go left, go right! Duck!"
Farzar
"Do the tootsie roll! Pop and lock! Hammer time!"
Farzar
"Super Bowl shuffle!"
Farzar
"Listen, we've got to make it to the other side before Laser gets us."
Farzar
"What are you waiting for? Let's go!"
Farzar
"My arms are too tired to move. These are glamour muscles, they're not functional!"
Farzar
"I can help, but things have to get a little chaotic first."
Farzar
"You're lucky I stole this truth-blaster from Barry's lab."
Farzar
"[announcer] Renzbo looks like he's in trouble."
Farzar
"No alien has ever made it past our superhuman gladiators,"
Farzar
"who spend countless hours training,"
Farzar
"mainly to compensate for their tiny, baby cocks."
Farzar
"Everybody knows these oiled-up protein queefs"
Farzar
"are only here because they're too stupid to be pro-wrestlers."
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"[grunts]"
Farzar
"Ah!"
Farzar
"[grunting]"
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"-Stop! -Chaos! Chaos!"
Farzar
"Wait, we have a winner!"
Farzar
"Well, normally we would,"
Farzar
"but just last week, the czar added a new super gladiator."
Farzar
"Goddamn it! Curse my love of giant, oiled-up, protein queefs."
Farzar
"This is bad."
Farzar
"It's worse than you think."
Farzar
"♪ Squiggles ain't nothin' to fuck with! ♪"
Farzar
"Ha! That little guy? Looks like he sleeps in a shoebox."
Farzar
"You just damned us to hell."
Farzar
"Lucky for you, I know his weakness."
Farzar
"Good thing I registered for this."
Farzar
"[muttering]"
Farzar
"This'll calm his little ass down."
Farzar
"[lullaby plays]"
Farzar
"[fanfare plays]"
Farzar
"Presenting Czar Fichael!"
Farzar
"And if he makes me do this one more time, I'ma shove this horn up his fucking ass!"
Farzar
"Billy hate gig economy."
Farzar
"Fichael, ooh, I am so excited that you're enacting alien immigration."
Farzar
"Now, I think that I have found the aliens' best and brightest."
Farzar
"Meet Antillion."
Farzar
"I can vouch for him."
Farzar
"Killed his whole family and he wasn't a little bitch about it."
Farzar
"I have an IQ of 360."
Farzar
"Also, I can heal humans physically and emotionally just by touch."
Farzar
"I must warn you, you'll likely orgasm."
Farzar
"Val won't be orgasming while I'm around, thank you."
Farzar
"I do have some other options."
Farzar
"Mm, how about those aliens? They look smart."
Farzar
"The one's arguing with the sun?"
Farzar
"You'd better hide behind that cloud, you big, orange son of a bitch!"
Farzar
"And stop sending them scary ground ghosts to chase me around!"
Farzar
"I'll show him for you, Flobby. I'm gonna beat him at this staring contest."
Farzar
"Oh, come on, you can't be serious? The Intellectoids are idiots!"
Farzar
"So you're saying you're not attracted to them?"
Farzar
"Oh God, no!"
Farzar
"Come on in, guys. Welcome to the city!"
Farzar
"♪ Pa poo pa poo pa pee ♪"
Farzar
"♪ Pee pa poo ♪"
Farzar
"Wow."
Farzar
"Who is that alien?"
Farzar
"Who, me, cool cat?"
Farzar
"Well, I'm Daddy O'Baggins."
Farzar
"♪ Pa poo pa poo pa pee ♪"
Farzar
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