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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: A Warrior in Costume (S09E09)

"And then his dick off."
Archer
"And then... his brains."
Archer
"- Whaaaat? - Yeah, you don't wanna do that..."
Archer
"Yes, I do, Pam! An eye for an eye!"
Archer
"That's right in the goddamn Bible!"
Archer
"Yeah, but c'mon, that was a fair fight."
Archer
"It wasn't fair! I was in a biplane!"
Archer
"- He was in a brand-new goddamn 109! - Still though..."
Archer
"Yeah, but you don't wanna kill him like this, it's..."
Archer
"- It's chickenshit. - [weary sigh] You're right."
Archer
"Goddamn it, you're right. And so..."
Archer
"- I'm sorry for this. - Sorry for...? Ungh!"
Archer
"[Pam thuds] Oh, what the shit, man?!"
Archer
"[gulps] Shut up, bird."
Archer
"[Crackers] Hey."
Archer
"Hey, wake up. [Ziegler snoring]"
Archer
"C'mon, rise and shine, Fritz. [gentle snoring]"
Archer
"[annoyed sigh] [squawks]"
Archer
"[Charlotte] Waaaghh!"
Archer
"- Jesus, what?! - Was?!"
Archer
"Easy! Easy! I'm supposed to give you this."
Archer
"- How is this bird talking?! - Right?"
Archer
"Was zum Teufel ist... Oh, Scheiße!"
Archer
"Nein, nein, nein, nein! Scheißkopf!"
Archer
"So, hey, what would a gal have to do to...?"
Archer
"[door closes] Jesus, rude much?!"
Archer
"I was going to ask how to get"
Archer
"a ride out of here on one of their planes."
Archer
"Yeah, I wouldn't hold my breath."
Archer
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't be a talking bird."
Archer
"[sniffs]"
Archer
"[sniffs]"
Archer
"[gentle snoring]"
Archer
"Huzza... wuzza..."
Archer
"Where the...? Oh, what the shit?!"
Archer
"[Archer] Heh, heh. Hey, sleepyhead."
Archer
"- Glad you could join us. - Why the hell am I in a... Owww!"
Archer
"Christ on a bike! My head kills!"
Archer
"[chuckling] Yeah, mine did too, to be honest."
Archer
"- Little hairy dog? - No, I... Wait a minute."
Archer
"- You hit me! - I lightly tapped you..."
Archer
"You piece of shit, you hit me!"
Archer
"- Only because you were right! - What?!"
Archer
"I was gonna shoot Ziegler, you may not remember this"
Archer
"'cause you have a concussion,"
Archer
"but I was gonna shoot Ziegler,"
Archer
"but you told me that was chickenshit,"
Archer
"and so now we're gonna settle it up here,"
Archer
"in a dogfight, in evenly matched planes!"
Archer
"- Man to man! - And woman!"
Archer
"Well, yeah, I needed a tailgunner, so..."
Archer
"- Goddamn it! - And so now's probably a good time"
Archer
"- to familiarize yourself with said gun... - Goddamn it!"
Archer
"'Cause if Crackers did what I told him to, it won't be long before..."
Archer
"- [Ziegler over radio] Archer?! - Speak of the teufel..."
Archer
"Come on up, Ziegler."
Archer
"See what it's like to fight somebody fair and squ..."
Archer
"[Archer and Pam startled yelps] Say your prayers, Archer!"
Archer
"This time I will put you down once and for all!"
Archer
"Pam, get your head outta your ass!"
Archer
"- Me?! - Your one job..."
Archer
"is to shoot things coming at us from beh..."
Archer
"Oh, shit!"
Archer
"- Son of a... - [Pam] What was that?"
Archer
"[Archer] Nothing."
Archer
"[soldiers chattering in German]"
Archer
"- I assume this was Sterling? - Yep, yep, yep."
Archer
"Mm-hmm. [sips]"
Archer
"- Putamierda! - Goddamn it!"
Archer
"[Ziegler laughing] It doesn't matter what you fly,"
Archer
"- Archer, I will always beat you! - Oh, you couldn't beat..."
Archer
"Hang on, I had something for th..."
Archer
"- Ya wanna save the quips?! - It was pretty good!"
Archer
"Oh, wait, so's that."
Archer
"[laughs hysterically] How do ya like that, Ziegler?!"
Archer
"Heh. Who taught you how to shoot, your husband?"
Archer
"[laughs] Will you shut up?!"
Archer
"It was pretty good!"
Archer
"All right, Archer, I am bored with this and with you."
Archer
"Get ready to die."
Archer
"[shrieks]"
Archer
"Um... okay."
Archer
"- Was ist Los?! - Scheiße! Wir sind getroffen!"
Archer
"[Ziegler] Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein..."
Archer
"[speaks German]"
Archer
"What the...? [Ziegler screams]"
Archer
"Whoo-hoo-hoo-hooo!"
Archer
"[laughing] Holy shit!"
Archer
"- Did you see that?! - Yeah, I..."
Archer
"I must've hit his fuel tank!"
Archer
"- Wait, what? - Whoo-hoo!"
Archer
"Million-to-one shot, but I did it! I finally beat Ziegler!"
Archer
"- Yeah. Way to go. - [laugsh] Right?!"
Archer
"But so now what? We can't go back to the island now,"
Archer
"the krauts are gonna know this whole thing was you."
Archer
"You think I didn't think of that?!"
Archer
"Don't worry, I put Crackers on it."
Archer
"[Fuchs] What in ze hell is going on here?!"
Archer
"Well?! Someone had better tell me!"
Archer
"Uh, yeah, so I was here, earlier, and I saw the whole thing,"
Archer
"which was Ziegler and the other guy,"
Archer
"Schnell, who, come to find out, is his lover..."
Archer
"- [all reactions of disbelief] Nein! - Yeah..."
Archer
"So they stole the other two planes and set this one on fire,"
Archer
"so nobody could follow them to Shanghai,"
Archer
"where they plan to open a cabaret,"
Archer
"the unfortunately named "Scandals." [soldiers all exclaiming]"
Archer
"Ooh, Scandals, that sounds fun, huh?"
Archer
"- [speaking German] Morgen! - Hallo, Schatz!"
Archer
"- [giggles] Hi, guys! - You're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."
Archer
"- I'm surprised you can even walk. - What? Oh!"
Archer
"God, no, they were all so drunk they thought"
Archer
"that jar of coconut butter was, you know, me. [Chuckles]"
Archer
"Oh. Oh!"
Archer
"Well, as long as you charged everybody full price..."
Archer
"Heh. Right?"
Archer
"Then you should have a lot of money to give me?"
Archer
"Ah. About that... [scoffs]"
Archer
"I've decided that from now on, I'm keeping all of it."
Archer
"- Excuse me?! - Yeah, because your cop buddy"
Archer
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