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Clips from Archer - Danger Island: A Warrior in Costume (S09E09)

"[Pam] Okay, keep coming..."
Archer
"[music]"
Archer
"[annoyed sigh]"
Archer
"- Looking good, keep coming... - Can I just take it off?"
Archer
"- No, shut up, keep coming... - Really not liking this."
Archer
"Well, but once you see the surprise, keep coming,"
Archer
"you're gonna forget all about being mad about the map."
Archer
"That's what I'm saying, if the goal here is to unpiss me off..."
Archer
"- [metallic clang] Oww! What the...? - Sorry, go left?"
Archer
"- Goddamn it! - Wait, hang on, wait, wait, wait!"
Archer
"- Wh...?! What the...? - [Pam] Ta-da!"
Archer
"- [Archer] What the actual goddamn shit?! - [Crackers] Yeah, right?"
Archer
"At first, I was like, "pfft," but then I was like "myeah?""
Archer
"What'd you... What have you done?!"
Archer
"Well, I used the all the ribs, they were in pretty good shape,"
Archer
"the spans are the toughest bamboo I could find..."
Archer
"- I helped. - Shut up."
Archer
"Then I covered 'em with canvas sails, and doped"
Archer
"the whole thing up tighter than dick's hatband!"
Archer
"- Hey, whoa! - Dick's hatband?! Dick's hatband?!"
Archer
"- Yeah, I dunno. - People say that."
Archer
"- Right? - You big dumb ox! You ruined her!"
Archer
"[tearing up] B-But... I thought you'd be happy!"
Archer
"Happy?! You thought I'd be happy? I oughta..."
Archer
"What the...? [plane approaching]"
Archer
"[music]"
Archer
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, where are you?"
Archer
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon."
Archer
"C'mon, baby, c'mon, you can do it. Don't let him in the slot!"
Archer
"[chuckling] [speaking German]"
Archer
"[artillery firing]"
Archer
"[grunting] C'mon, ya fat Russian pig!"
Archer
"Goddamn it!"
Archer
"[Archer] Son of a... No! No!"
Archer
"No, no, no, no, no, no!"
Archer
"[chuckling]"
Archer
"[coughing]"
Archer
"Goddamn it. Goddamn it!"
Archer
"Eat a dick!"
Archer
"- [Archer] Wha... what... what is it... - [Pam] Archer?"
Archer
"- [snaps fingers] Hey. Hey! - Huh?"
Archer
"Where'd ya go, buddy?"
Archer
"Spain... [body thud]"
Archer
"[Crackers] Heh. Oh, man. Is Spain not the best?"
Archer
"C'mon, tapas?"
Archer
"[title theme]"
Archer
"[Pam] Archer? Archer, hey, c'mon..."
Archer
"C'mon. C'mon, snap out of it, bub, 'cause, uh, we got company."
Archer
"Huh? What-what...? Wait, where am I?"
Archer
"Right here with me and Crackers."
Archer
"- Ugh. - [hurt] Hey..."
Archer
"- Question is, where were you? - Pam, it was the damnedest thing."
Archer
"All of a sudden I was back in Spain,"
Archer
"getting shot down by that son of a bitch Ziegler."
Archer
"Yeah, so... [Ziegler chuckles]"
Archer
"- Which time? - [Archer gasps] What the hell?!"
Archer
"- Yeah, so, funny story... - Ziegler?!"
Archer
"Hallo, Archer. Heh. You are flying a garbage truck now?"
Archer
"No, I... Wait, how are you here?!"
Archer
"- It is an incredible coincidence, ja? - Literally incredible."
Archer
"So, does this place have a bar?"
Archer
"I owe you a drink, you have made me famous."
Archer
"[speaking German]"
Archer
"[raucous laughter]"
Archer
"- Das is die umgekerht Ace?! - Ja! Es war er!"
Archer
"[speaking German]"
Archer
"This means the "reverse ace.""
Archer
"Because in Spain I shot him down five times."
Archer
"- We know. - Plus not to mention his eye..."
Archer
"Then why did you...? [verbal shrug]"
Archer
"- And why the hell are you here?! - Well, I..."
Archer
"[Fuchs] I don't see how that concerns you."
Archer
"- Hauptmann Ziegler? - Ah, sie sind bestimmt Herr Fuchs."
Archer
"[speaking German]"
Archer
"Oh. So, hey, Archer, please let me buy you that drink, eh?"
Archer
"- Come find me later. - Oh, don't worry, I'll find you."
Archer
"[chuckles] Well, that would be a first."
Archer
"[speaking German]"
Archer
"[laughing] [speaking German]"
Archer
"Man. So the guy who shot you down all those times,"
Archer
"shot your eyeball out, he shows up on the same teeny tiny island,"
Archer
"halfway around the world? I mean, what're the odds?"
Archer
"- Literally zero. - Shut up, bird."
Archer
"Eh."
Archer
"- So... you okay? - Hm?"
Archer
"Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine, I'm good, I'm totally good, I'm..."
Archer
"[music]"
Archer
"God..."
Archer
"[machine gun firing]"
Archer
"Damn it!"
Archer
"[chuckles] No, I am good, I'm great."
Archer
"'Cause I'm gonna kill him."
Archer
"[Malory] Alright, Missy, we need... [pianist playing jazz within]"
Archer
"To have a little talk."
Archer
"Now, I don't know what you studied"
Archer
"at whatever fancy-pants finishing school you went to..."
Archer
"- Finch. - What?"
Archer
"- I went to Finch? - No one cares. But can I assume"
Archer
"they didn't teach you business management?"
Archer
"- I don't know. - Well, now you are a business."
Archer
"In which I've made a major investment..."
Archer
"- Pfft, what, bear claws and brandy? - And a roof over your head."
Archer
"And so far, you're not making me any money."
Archer
"Well, how can I? Look at this place."
Archer
"There's hardly ever anybody in here."
Archer
"Well, what about him? Did you ask him about a date?"
Archer
"- I asked them both. - Seriously?"
Archer
"Ugh! I'll try again after they finish that sherry."
Archer
"I-I... I think she was on the fence."
Archer
"- [gasps] Wait, what about him? - [Malory] Ohh, no."
Archer
"He is strictly off limits. And if I catch you sniffing around..."
Archer
"[shattered glass] [soldiers chattering in German]"
Archer
"[raucous cheers] [speaks German]"
Archer
"What in the...?"
Archer
"Eh... parlez-vous Français?"
Archer
"- English. - Good, better."
Archer
"Eleven liters of beer, please."
Archer
"The first round is on me! [soldiers cheering raucously]"
Archer
"And then they pay for themselves!"
Archer
"[soldiers playful boos and raspberries]"
Archer
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