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Clips from King of the Hill - Tankin' It to the Streets (S06E06)

"[patients groaning]"
King of the Hill
"You'll have to lay off cutting hair for two weeks."
King of the Hill
"If you don't mind, we need the bed for some soldiers."
King of the Hill
"You know what I mean."
King of the Hill
"Give your chart to the nurse on the way out."
King of the Hill
"[groans]"
King of the Hill
"Any of you guys have large portions of your medical chart blacked out?"
King of the Hill
"On a scale of one to ten, I'd say eight of my file was crossed out."
King of the Hill
"Is that something to worry about?"
King of the Hill
"Only if the idea of a massive cover-up concerns you. Jeez."
King of the Hill
"Don't get him all jacked up about nothing."
King of the Hill
"If the United States government did it, I'm sure they had a good reason."
King of the Hill
"Based on what I know about Bill and cover-ups..."
King of the Hill
"of boxing promoter Bob Arum."
King of the Hill
"you need to get a hold of your untransmogrified personnel file."
King of the Hill
"How do I do that?"
King of the Hill
"Well, like any first-rate organization, I'm sure the Army has a form..."
King of the Hill
"you can request, fill out and submit."
King of the Hill
"Yeah. Good plan."
King of the Hill
"Why don't you also ask them for a tour of the underwater White House?"
King of the Hill
"You know, Dale, sometimes I think you say things just to hear yourself talk."
King of the Hill
"What do you want me to do, ignore myself?"
King of the Hill
"Scoop full of Oreos."
King of the Hill
"Two ounces."
King of the Hill
"Bobby, you just focus on smashing those cookies."
King of the Hill
"Exterminator."
King of the Hill
"Exterminator."
King of the Hill
"Now we'll see who talks out loud just to hear himself speak."
King of the Hill
"All right, Dale. Now that you've got us down here..."
King of the Hill
"where's this top-secret fishing rod of yours?"
King of the Hill
"What about the fresh-baked cookies?"
King of the Hill
"Yeah. And they're gonna send us that form in six to eight weeks."
King of the Hill
"Well, how's six to eight seconds?"
King of the Hill
"Now, as you will see from this incontrovertible evidence..."
King of the Hill
"Sergeant, then Private, Bill Dauterive was given large doses..."
King of the Hill
"of an experimental drug from 1982 to 1984."
King of the Hill
"The Army was trying to create an elite group of Arctic commandos..."
King of the Hill
"Their mission, to repel an invasion..."
King of the Hill
"The drug was designed to promote accumulation of heat-retaining blubber..."
King of the Hill
"on the torso, foster the growth of insulating body hair..."
King of the Hill
"[stammering] Yeah. But all those years they told me..."
King of the Hill
"they were giving me super vitamin shots."
King of the Hill
"Side effects include headaches and erectile dysfunction."
King of the Hill
"I gave 20 years of my life to the Army, and this is what they did to me."
King of the Hill
"Bill, it was a different time."
King of the Hill
"[sobbing]"
King of the Hill
"[door opens]"
King of the Hill
"Three, four, five...."
King of the Hill
"Look out, world!"
King of the Hill
"[crickets chirping]"
King of the Hill
"It was all there in black and white."
King of the Hill
"Is this what my tax dollars are going for? To put hair on Bill's back?"
King of the Hill
"Poor Bill."
King of the Hill
"And I can fathom just about anything."
King of the Hill
"Hold on. Let me take a guess."
King of the Hill
"[rumbling]"
King of the Hill
"All right. We need some tunes."
King of the Hill
"[exclaims]"
King of the Hill
"I got the head spins."
King of the Hill
"This is Hank Hill, block captain. I know it's the war games..."
King of the Hill
"Good Lord, I think there's some kind of dead animal in there."
King of the Hill
"[exclaims]"
King of the Hill
"Come on, Bill, wake up. You stole a tank."
King of the Hill
"[mumbles]"
King of the Hill
"I tell you what, man. You had better call up somebody, man."
King of the Hill
"as well as everybody on his buddy list."
King of the Hill
"[exhales] They won't do that."
King of the Hill
"But they will throw him in the stockade for the rest of his life."
King of the Hill
"We've got to take the tank back ourselves. It's Bill's only hope."
King of the Hill
"-Plus, we'll get to ride in a tank. -I get to drive!"
King of the Hill
"Hey, man! What're you talking about? I'm gonna drive that tank, man."
King of the Hill
"It's got too much muscle for your skinny little old puny old arms of yours, man."
King of the Hill
"Have you also downloaded the classified instruction manual for this tank..."
King of the Hill
"from Vladimir Putin's web site..."
King of the Hill
"translated the manual, memorized it, and eaten it?"
King of the Hill
"What do you say we go to the Mega Lo Mart for a couple of..."
King of the Hill
"-I'm there! -...make-your-own sundaes?"
King of the Hill
"[moaning]"
King of the Hill
"All right. First."
King of the Hill
"[speaking Russian]"
King of the Hill
"Straighten it out, Dale. It feels like you're weaving."
King of the Hill
"Now, where's the cigarette lighter?"
King of the Hill
"Hold it, boys! Hold--"
King of the Hill
"[shouts] My ride! It's so cherry!"
King of the Hill
"Damn it, Dale. I told you. You just hit a curb."
King of the Hill
"Open the hatch!"
King of the Hill
"-Not in the sandbox. -Relax, Hank."
King of the Hill
"Studies show that your average sandbox is only 30%% sand."
King of the Hill
"Bill, I want you to stand downwind of me..."
King of the Hill
"and tell me what you hoped to accomplish by stealing this tank."
King of the Hill
"I don't know. I was at the base, I was drunk, I couldn't find my car keys...."
King of the Hill
"And look at me! Look at what they did to me!"
King of the Hill
"Did they take your clothes?"
King of the Hill
"No. But they took everything else."
King of the Hill
"When I first enlisted..."
King of the Hill
"I'm a big fat pant-load throwing up in the sandbox."
King of the Hill
"I know you're disappointed with the way you turned out."
King of the Hill
"We all are."
King of the Hill
"All those things that were great about you back in high school..."
King of the Hill
"the confidence, the charm, the pep..."
King of the Hill
"they're still a part of you."
King of the Hill
"What?"
King of the Hill
"So it's not my fault that I'm fat, bald and lazy?"
King of the Hill
"It doesn't smell pleasant most of the time."
King of the Hill
"Why didn't you guys ever say anything?"
King of the Hill
"Well, we didn't tell you because it would have hurt your feelings."
King of the Hill
"But now that we know it's the government's fault..."
King of the Hill
"You talking about standing in the alley, man, that old cooler ain't cold, man."
King of the Hill
"-You know what I'm saying? -You think I'm boring, too?"
King of the Hill
"I'm not a loser."
King of the Hill
"Deep down under all this government ape fur, I'm a winner."
King of the Hill
"Well, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let the Army..."
King of the Hill
"Iock me away for the rest of my life."
King of the Hill
"We are taking the tank back to the base and I'm driving."
King of the Hill
"-I'm so sorry. 10.3. -What?"
King of the Hill
"Oh, Peggy, you idiot."
King of the Hill
"Oh, God! It's the cops."
King of the Hill
"I wonder how much trouble you get in for stealing a tank."
King of the Hill
"And taking three hostages. Help!"
King of the Hill
"No. This isn't over."
King of the Hill
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