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Clips from American Dad! - A Jones for a Smith (S05E05)

"Oh, my God, it's crack. Oh, my God."
American Dad!
"C. I.A. agents are supposed to distribute crack to the inner city, not smoke it."
American Dad!
"Okay, this is okay."
American Dad!
"Easy mistake. Anyone could make it."
American Dad!
"I'll throw this away and forget about it."
American Dad!
"This is just between us, Roger, all right? It will never happen again."
American Dad!
"That's what I say every time I wear the plunger penis."
American Dad!
"Aaah! I said I wouldn't do this again."
American Dad!
"I wish I was dead."
American Dad!
"Anyone else wish they were dead?"
American Dad!
"Uh, I don't."
American Dad!
"So, there's this girl I like..."
American Dad!
"and her father wants our families to have dinner together."
American Dad!
"Oh, Steve, your voice is so annoying sometimes."
American Dad!
"[Sighs, Sobs]"
American Dad!
"[Chuckling]"
American Dad!
"Look, forget it. It's just this damn cold. It's making me cranky."
American Dad!
"You know, Stan, sometimes people need help getting over their... colds."
American Dad!
"I don't need any help. I'm fine."
American Dad!
"Now let's just all try and enjoy our dinner."
American Dad!
"- [Slurping] - [Slurping]"
American Dad!
"[Panting]"
American Dad!
"I'm gonna go take out the trash."
American Dad!
"There he goes. All right. I didn't want to do this."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God!"
American Dad!
"Could you imagine if I really had nips like these?"
American Dad!
"I'd like to think I'd find love."
American Dad!
"[Man's Voice] Do you sometimes feel irritable, restless, uneasy..."
American Dad!
"sad, normal, or just plain not high?"
American Dad!
"[Spraying]"
American Dad!
"[Barking]"
American Dad!
"Crack may cause shivers, night terrors, gay for pay..."
American Dad!
"or the sensation that you're on fire."
American Dad!
"Peeing blood and seeing friends'faces as talking skeletons..."
American Dad!
"are possible side effects of crack."
American Dad!
"People who use crack may also experience..."
American Dad!
"If you experience one or more of these side effects, consult your dealer."
American Dad!
"You may need more crack."
American Dad!
"- [Siren Blaring] - [Groans]"
American Dad!
"- It's so boring. - Shh!"
American Dad!
"Are you crazy? You can't speak ill of Oprah."
American Dad!
"and now he's slowly turning into a pumpkin."
American Dad!
"[Door Opens]"
American Dad!
"Stan, where have you been? I haven't seen you in three days."
American Dad!
"It feels that way because we love each other."
American Dad!
"No, it's been three days. We need to talk."
American Dad!
"My A.T. M. card was rejected for insufficient funds."
American Dad!
"I don't think that's the TV, Stan."
American Dad!
"Sure it is. It's just not plugged in."
American Dad!
"Hey, wasn't your Aunt Beverly buried with her jewelry?"
American Dad!
"I want to go pay my respects. Where was she buried? [Farts]"
American Dad!
"Tonight is our dinner at Janine's house."
American Dad!
"Roger is coming as my Uncle Cosworth."
American Dad!
"I need everything to go perfect tonight."
American Dad!
"Of course it will, honey."
American Dad!
"Now help me fix the TV."
American Dad!
"I don't think this is right."
American Dad!
"[Man] # Get down, get down #"
American Dad!
"Steve, your family is charming."
American Dad!
"Next time you're down at the marina..."
American Dad!
"Also, you should take a spin on my boat."
American Dad!
"You guys mind if I steer the conversation to a little tech talk?"
American Dad!
"Does your TV have insides?"
American Dad!
"Come back with cash, and we'll do business."
American Dad!
"So I'm huddled there."
American Dad!
"With my eyes closed, I feel the bear's wet nose on my cheek."
American Dad!
"Sorry about that."
American Dad!
"[Thinking] Got to find a way to make some quick cash."
American Dad!
"# Get down, get down #"
American Dad!
"So with a black bear, I wasn't sure..."
American Dad!
"if you're supposed to make yourself look as big as possible or as small."
American Dad!
"- [Gasps] Hey! - Twenty bucks, I'll make you see heaven."
American Dad!
"Stan, what the hell are you doing?"
American Dad!
"Ten bucks- Ten bucks and you can slap me with it."
American Dad!
"What? Stan, you're on crack?"
American Dad!
"Get out of my house."
American Dad!
"No! Sir, please?"
American Dad!
"I'm sorry it didn't work out, son."
American Dad!
"[Clears Throat]"
American Dad!
"First you go down that hallway, and then you take a left."
American Dad!
"Stan, we need to talk."
American Dad!
"Stan, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to go downtown and buy crack?"
American Dad!
"You could have bought from me right here in the house."
American Dad!
"Roger, you're not being helpful."
American Dad!
"Did you really expect me to be?"
American Dad!
"We're here to talk about your drug problem."
American Dad!
"- It's hurting the family. - I had a sure thing, old man!"
American Dad!
"- [Grunts] - Ow!"
American Dad!
"[Sighs]"
American Dad!
"You're right. I have a crack addiction..."
American Dad!
"and I've been stealing from all of you to support it."
American Dad!
"I took the TV and Francine's jewelry."
American Dad!
"Roger, I stole about eight of your wigs..."
American Dad!
"but those were just to wear while I was high."
American Dad!
"It's super fun to walk around high in a wig."
American Dad!
"But my family shouldn't have to pay the price."
American Dad!
"I realize that now."
American Dad!
"And I'm gonna kick this thing, I swear."
American Dad!
"Oh, thank God."
American Dad!
"Now we can get you the help you need."
American Dad!
"No! Stan Smith doesn't take help from anyone."
American Dad!
"Don't be ridiculous."
American Dad!
"Okay, Roger. For the next 48 hours, your attic is my withdrawal pod."
American Dad!
"I'm doing this on my own. No help from anyone."
American Dad!
"Don't let anyone in..."
American Dad!
"- and whatever I say, don't open the door. - Got it."
American Dad!
"You've got the room for as long as you need it."
American Dad!
"Good luck, friend."
American Dad!
"[Sighs]"
American Dad!
"- I forgot my comb. - I need crack!"
American Dad!
"Why do I need a comb?"
American Dad!
"[Clattering]"
American Dad!
"Intruders!"
American Dad!
"[Siren Blares]"
American Dad!
"[Man On P.A.] We have the place surrounded. Come out with your hands up."
American Dad!
"- Now let me go or I'll kill the gay news team. - [Both Gasp]"
American Dad!
"You can just say "news team.""
American Dad!
"[Siren Blares]"
American Dad!
"Malcolm Hathaway, hostage negotiator. I'll take it from here."
American Dad!
"We're gonna get your husband out of there."
American Dad!
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