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Clips from 30 Rock - Cooter (S02E02)

"Hey, it's not up to me."
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"Even if I let you resign, my boss wouldn't."
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"They don't want people leaving here anymore."
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"You're not going anywhere, buddy!"
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"Hey, the pens are here!"
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"U.S. A!"
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"U.S. A!"
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"U.S. A!"
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"Hello, friend."
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"Oh, my God, you're pregnant."
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"What?"
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"I just can."
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"People always underestimate my instincts because of my looks."
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"I'm just so happy for you. This is what you wanted."
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"As my mom used to say, "You never want this to happen.""
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"Have you called Floyd yet?"
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"What? Floyd."
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"Oh, no. It is Floyd, right?"
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"Whoo! Those margaritas were strong."
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"Can you come inside?"
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"Yeah."
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"Oh, my God."
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"It was before he tried to throw me under the subway train."
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"Oh, my God."
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"that's allowed to make sex mistakes?"
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"You had a three-way with Roseanne and Tom Arnold."
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"Fine. So I made one extremely unfortunate coupling decision."
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"So, what are you gonna do?"
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"So I am just gonna be a kick-ass single mom,"
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"Listen to you. You're actually excited about this."
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"Yeah, I am, even though it's Dennis'."
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"Go to the doctor and get a blood test so you know for sure."
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"Well, I can't believe the best friend I've ever had would try and leave me."
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"This can't be what you want in life."
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"Look at these resignation letters."
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"They're written in ketchup, dirty rock, leak water."
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"But now you're here."
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"Glorious pens!"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"Cooter."
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"That's not my name!"
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"My name is James Reilly!"
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"Cooter Berger?"
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"The President named me that."
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"He gave you two nicknames?"
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"Now, that's the spirit."
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"Hello, Elizabeth."
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"Dennis, what are you doing here?"
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"for the past couple weeks during the day."
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"What? How come you're not at work?"
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"Because I forgot my computer."
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"No, why am I... This is my apartment!"
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"There something you want to tell me? No."
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"Elizabeth, this is Melinda"
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"from Dr. Beauvoir's office."
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"We'll try to reach you again later."
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"Every one of my sisters got that message"
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"What? No."
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"Oh, my God. All right."
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"First things first, we're gonna have this baby"
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"Oh, my God."
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"Secondly, if it's a boy,"
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"If it's a girl... Ooh, yeah, I used to boff this chick named Judy,"
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"Morpheus hears everything that you say. Out!"
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"What's that, Miss Maroney?"
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"It's your personal essay, Kenneth."
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"Oh, hello."
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"I didn't see you there."
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"and how much he personifies the Olympic spirit."
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"Yes."
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"to the many charities I support anonymously?"
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"Of course."
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"Shh, shh."
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"So beautiful in every way?"
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"I see myself in you?"
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"I have 20 minutes. I'm gonna make it."
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"I see myself in you?"
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"They need 12 boxes of copier paper on stage one."
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"embarrassing to the administration,"
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"and upsetting to the voters."
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"Holy smoke."
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"What have you got?"
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"that would, "reduce enemy soldiers' combat posture"
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"by making them totally gaybones for each other.""
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"How gay?"
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"Of course it was."
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"It would have been expensive, impractical,"
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"A guaranteed disaster."
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"But not your best friend, right?"
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"Yo, Frank."
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"It's just a prototype."
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"This is such an honor."
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"I got an "Additional Filth By" credit."
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"Good job, Parcell."
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"Wait a minute. Who's this paper for?"
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"Looks like you only have 30 seconds"
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"Ow! Oh! Oh!"
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"Oh, oh!"
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"This a disaster."
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"This baby's gonna have a father!"
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"A gay bomb?"
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"I was gonna meet Bono."
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"Representative Cunningham. We'll keep this professional."
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"But then we broke up before my birthday, so you owe me."
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"Jack."
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"This could take weeks to get approved."
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"I'll take my chances."
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"And that would mean I would be spending my birthday here, so..."
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"All right."
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"I will help you get fired."
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"Yes! I am so on a roll!"
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"Hey, Jack, it's Liz."
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"Um, maybe you're busy spreading democracy."
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"Anyway, give me a call."
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"Hey, it's Liz Lemon."
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"Funny story... I think I'm pregnant"
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"Thought you'd be super proud."
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"He knows! Oh God, call me, Jack!"
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"This is a disaster."
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"This baby's gonna have a father!"
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