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Clips from 30 Rock - Cooter (S02E02)

"Jack, I've spent the last hour looking at cribs online."
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"It's crazy."
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"all I can think about is baby hair"
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"and converting my laundry and newspaper pile into a nursery."
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"So I-I don't want you to worry about me"
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"'cause, um, I'm happy."
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"Oh, and yes, you hear me eating Sabor de Soledad"
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"'cause I can eat whatever I want now."
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"Ooh, hang on."
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"I am not, um..."
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"Never mind."
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"Causing the false positives on my home pregnancy tests."
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"Apparently, Sabor de Soledad gets its special tangy flavor"
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"from evaporated bull semen."
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"to stop their periods before Cinco de Mayo."
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"I'm a little afraid to ask if you're still eating them."
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"They're so good."
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"Lemon, I'm sorry you had to go through this by yourself."
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"I was actually ready to have Dennis Duffy's baby."
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"I guess I'm getting to that age where I don't care what anybody thinks of me."
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"Resist that urge."
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"And I know now that I'm definitely ready."
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"No, I can't go to a sperm bank."
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"What?"
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"I know a lot of well-connected people."
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"Uh, how was your day?"
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"It was good."
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"The President gave me a nickname."
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""The Jacker.""
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"The chemical dissipates harmlessly"
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"in open tactical environments"
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"Ooh, pens!"
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"It's okay, I guess."
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"Frank, you've been in your office for three months."
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"But that's not likely."
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"The cryogenecists are already sharpening their head saws."
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"I found a prize in here the other day... I hope."
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"Liz Lemon, do these look like wizard nipples to you?"
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"Yeah, you fixulate this!"
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"Liz Lemon, do you know what it's like"
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"Uh-oh. Emotions."
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"Donny?"
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"Saboteur!"
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"And the media are so obsessed"
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"It's an exciting time."
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"Oh, I'm sorry!"
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"Not you, Grizz. You're doing great."
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"Don't overthink it."
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"We need pens."
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"Cooter, I used to work for a man named Don Geiss."
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"He said..."
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"Look, the leak stopped."
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"U.S. A!"
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"This is no time for back-door bragging!"
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"That was two years ago."
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"Well, obviously Dennis can't be involved"
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"because he is a class-A moron."
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"Every day for two years."
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"there's only one way out."
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"Prenatal vitamins?"
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"Pre... before. Natal... ruined."
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"I was just thinking about my friend Kenneth Parcell"
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"Oh, Miss Maroney, this is empt..."
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"So ready?"
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"of a nonlethal chemical weapon"
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"Oh, my God. Is that..."
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"Too bad it cost you a trip to China."
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"What?"
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"You dragged me out of a meeting for this?"
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"Never mind."
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"I guess in Mexico women use it"
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"What?!"
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"I think you're supposed to take all of them, like, in a row."
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"You know the applications are due today."
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"We've looked into it, and it's not."
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"That was amazing."
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"Excuse me."
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"What?"
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"Kenneth, can you take this money"
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"could not be effectively weaponized."
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"This is it, Lemon. Government."
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"Yeah, okay, let's go with that."
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"Kenneth, I see myself in you?"
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"It was the cheese curls. Pardon?"
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"Let's do this."
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"like Erin Brockovich or Sarah Connor."
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"Nope, I've kind of gotten used to it."
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"I memorized all my lines at home."
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"Really?"
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"and the gayer blue states."
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"Yes."
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"Today, sir?"
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"He taught me how to be proactive."
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"Oh, my God."
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"No congressman in his right mind would support this."
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"Run, Kenneth, run!"
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"But I have been sexually active since I was 25."
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"Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the gay bomb"
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"we called it a God finger."
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"Yeah, but not like this."
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"What? No. I just had my woman times last..."
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"Ahh."
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"With an adoption."
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"Lemon, I have to go. It's time for my freedom search."
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"Cooter, this is my letter of resignation."
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"Don't worry. I've got a friend in Congress."
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"No, it's okay."
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"You're going to want to get a very short haircut."
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"We all know that Rome wasn't built in a day."
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"to get your application to the 27th floor."
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"You earned it."
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"being due two weeks from now?"
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"Cooter Berger, vice chair of Farm Subsidies,"
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"You're here, and everything's gonna be better."
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"Sure, Kenneth."
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"I mean, last week you were at GE, and this week you're..."
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"Cooter because I look like a turtle"
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"and I'm denying your resignation."
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"The working title is"
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"The administration has been streamlined."
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