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Clips from Friends - The One with the Lottery (S09E09)

"It's really not fair. Just because we don't eat the meat..."
Friends
"...doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses."
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"All right. Rash'?"
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"I don't want that turkey smell all over my hands."
Friends
"- I hope I win. - Well, it doesn't really matter."
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"You're both wishing for the same thing."
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"I can't tell you what I'm wishing for, or else, you know, it won't come true. Ha, ha."
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"But you're wishing for what we think, aren't you?"
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"I'm not really comfortable with these questions!"
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"- Please! - Just do it!"
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"Okay. One, two, three."
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"You know what? I'm sure your wish is gonna come true."
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"But, you guys, just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp."
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"Qw!"
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"That thing gets hot!"
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"Ross, just keep making yourjokes."
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"How are you gonna feel if we actually do win?"
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"- Uh, you're not gonna win. - I know the odds are against us..."
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"...but somebody has to win, and it could be us. And then how you gonna feel?"
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"We're gonna be like, "Everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the Cape.""
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"And you're gonna be all, like, "Oh, I can't, guys."
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"Okay, I've heard myself on tape, and I sound nothing like that."
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"I can see the headline now: "Lottery Winners' Friend..."
Friends
"...Filled With Regret, Eats Own Arm.""
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"Why would I eat my own arm?"
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"Well, you wouldn't, but we own the paper. We can print whatever we want."
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"- Why? - Because I know that you think..."
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"...but we're all here, and we're gonna watch the numbers and have fun."
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"And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this."
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"You don't have to do that. I mean, I'll pay for myself."
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"But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys, that's so sweet."
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"Come here."
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"Get a room."
Friends
"So now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?"
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"- I don't know. I'll probably just invest it. - Ooh. Calm down."
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"Seriously, that's your fantasy? To invest it?"
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"Oh! Oh! I know! We should pool all our money and buy the Knicks!"
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"I don't really care about the Knicks."
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"You will when I pick you as starting forward."
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"You would do that? I never get picked!"
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"You won't let me buy the Knicks? I can't believe you're taking this away."
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"You're right, it has been your dream for over 15 seconds."
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"Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy?"
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"Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy"..."
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"I'm hoping that if she hears it enough..."
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"- ...it'll be her first word. - Oh."
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"Mm. I like that, Daddy."
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"I, uh... I was just talking about Rachel."
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"Ooh, is Daddy getting angry?"
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"Is Daddy gonna spank me?"
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"Well, that depends."
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"Have you been a bad...? No, I can't."
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"Hello? Hello? Hey, Charlie. Did anybody else hear?"
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"What? Susan got it? How?"
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"Oh, man, I would've slept with him!"
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"All right, bye."
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"Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot left, right?"
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"- Well, Charlie's gonna get that. - Hey, don't say that."
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"You've got just as good a chance of getting that job."
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"He is the boss' son."
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"- Come on, lottery! - Yeah!"
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"- It starts in, like, 20 minutes. - Okay, here we go."
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"We need to sort through the tickets quickly to see if we've won."
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"So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this?"
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"Okay, how about this:"
Friends
"The remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes first."
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"- I have another idea. - I'm sorry, idea time is over."
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"- Well, are all the tickets in the bowl? - Yeah."
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"Heh. Uh, no, you didn't. You must be mistaken."
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"- There are 20 tickets on the nightstand. - Chandler, sense the tone."
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"Well, well, well. Look what Mommy found."
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"Okay, fine. I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler."
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"The psychic also said that I would be betrayed."
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"I can't believe this. I thought we were all in this together."
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"- Hey, you just got in five minutes ago! - Three minutes ago!"
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"I don't know why that's important."
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"I was with you the whole time. When did you even get those?"
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"When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic."
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"I'll show you how."
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"Okay. Well, Monica, suppose one of your special tickets wins?"
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"How are you gonna feel when you win and lose your friends?"
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"Someone gave me muffins last week. I couldn't get rid of you for three days!"
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"She's right. You shouldn't have bought tickets just for us."
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"Let me finish."
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"However, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job..."
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"...so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you! The tickets are ours!"
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"There's the man I married."
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"All right. Believe me, if you win the lottery..."
Friends
"...it's the last you're gonna hear from us."
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"Fine. Don't be my friends. I'll buy new friends."
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"Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they look just like you!"
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"I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks!"
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"Cool. Then I want mine too! And if I win..."
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"...I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond!"
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"No. No, we should divide them up..."
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"...and I should get extra because we used my car!"
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"Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me!"
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"- This whole thing was my idea! - Yeah. Thanks for inventing the lottery!"
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"Just give them to me, and I'll split them up!"
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"ROSSI Hey, hey! - Aah!"
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"God, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!"
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"- Okay, if she jumps, I get her tickets! - Wait, no, no! Hey!"
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"If we're not doing this together, we're not doing it at all."
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"- Say goodbye to your tickets. - No! No! No!"
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"Do not come any closer!"
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"Now, what's more important, your friends or money?"
Friends
"Fflends."
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"Hey, Monica, what about your extra tickets?"
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"They're all in there."
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"- Even these five that I hid in my bra. - Monica!"
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"Go! Go! Go!"
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"What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets."
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"- Phoebe, we lost half of them. - So what?"
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"Monica, we have the winning ticket."
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"My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?"
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"As a matter of fact, she said that's how I'm going to die."
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"So excuse me for being a little skittish."
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"There's two messages. This could be from work."
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"- Oh, play them. - Okay. Here we go."
Friends
"Hello. This is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologize."
Friends
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