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Clips from The Simpsons - Old Money (S02E02)

"...but I know she died of a broken heart."
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"I can tell she really cared."
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"She didn't make me a pallbearer."
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"I can't tell you how sorry I am."
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"Is someone talking? I didn't hear anything."
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"Oh, no! Dad's lost his hearing!"
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"No, you idiot! I'm ignoring you!"
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"I'll never speak to you again! I have no son!"
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"Oh, Bea."
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"-Who are you? -Lionel Hutz, attorney."
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"I'm the executor of the estate."
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"Bea was wealthy and-- Surprise, surprise!"
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"She left it all to you."
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"-Really? -There is one catch."
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"You must spend one night in a haunted house."
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"Just kidding."
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"Here's a check for $106,000..."
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"..."To enjoy as you see fit." Oh, I'm touched."
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"By the way, I do wills."
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"Here's a pen with my phone number on it."
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"It looks like a cigar. Isn't that neat?"
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"Hello, Homer?"
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"-Oh, Dad, I knew you'd forgive me. -I haven't forgiven you!"
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"I just inherited $106,000..."
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"-Mr. Simpson? -What is it?"
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"I couldn't help hearing about your money."
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"Let me assure you that here, money does make a difference."
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"There are rubdowns, and then there are rubdowns."
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"Listen, you bloodsucker!"
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"Does it ever occur to you that old folks should be treated like humans..."
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"-...whether they have money or not? -Yes, but it passes."
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"Oh, you lousy son of a...."
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"Big spender, why the change?"
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"Bea told me to enjoy my moola and I'm going to, dagnab it!"
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"-Where to? -Take me someplace fun!"
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"You're the boss. Next stop, Funsville."
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"-I miss Bea. -I miss you too."
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"Oh, calm down. I'm not here to scare you."
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"Oh, well, I'm glad you're keeping busy."
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"I want to know why my money isn't bringing you happiness."
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"Oh, Bea, I'm not cut out for the highlife."
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"If you're not happy, why don't you spread it around?"
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"Make other people as happy as you made me."
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"Oh, thanks, Bea. I will!"
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"And your son misses you."
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"Oh, I miss him too, the big fat dickens."
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"Hey, Bea, I've got to ask you, what was death like?"
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"Not as scary as this!"
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"This thing has had you moping around for days."
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"I think it's time for you to talk to someone."
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"You've reached Dr. Monroe's Anxiety Line."
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"If you have a sullen teenager, press 1."
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"For spousal problems, press 2 now. If you have trouble--"
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"Grampa!"
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"-Dad! -Sonny-boy!"
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"Is there room at your table for an old man?"
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"Well, sure!"
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"We'll have to move a chair in, but it's no problem. Bart!"
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"-Choose your corncob. En garde! -Challenge accepted!"
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"All my precious sacks of gold..."
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"...couldn't buy me the joys of a family meal."
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"-Pass the bug juice. -Wait your turn!"
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"I have an announcement. I've decided to give Bea's money away..."
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"...to people who need it."
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"I'm gonna let them come to me and plead their case and then I'll decide."
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"That's the noblest thought ever expressed at this table."
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"-Give it to us. -Bart!"
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"...who says the first thing in his head."
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"-I do. -You ain't getting it!"
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"...has this town been so consumed with rumor and innuendo. Here's why:"
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"...that he'll give away over $100,000 to the person he finds most deserving."
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"Is Grampa Simpson a saint, a rich nut, or both?"
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"Time will tell. Kent Brockman, on line for an old man's money."
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"You see, Gramps, I wanna customize the bus."
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"Chop the top, jack it up, put on wheels..."
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"Here's a rendering. Note the cobra wrapped around the naked chick."
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"Next!"
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"Grampa?"
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"-I can call you Grampa, can't I? -Go ahead."
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"I need that money. Please--!"
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"Wait! You're the guy who owns the nuclear power plant."
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"-Ownership is divided-- -What are you doing?"
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"I dread the day when $100,000 isn't worth groveling for."
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"Get out of here!"
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"You just made yourself a very powerful enemy, old man."
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"Here's the deal, Grampa."
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"A guy I think was an explorer left this in the bar."
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"To find out, we'll need money, provisions and a diving bell."
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"It's pretty stupid, but so far you're the front-runner."
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"It's an isolation chamber."
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"A subject pulls levers to get heat and food."
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"The floor can become electrified and water falls on the subject."
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"Well, it sounds interesting."
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"How much will it cost?"
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"It's already built!"
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"To prove what?"
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"The subject should be maladjusted and harbor resentment towards me."
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"Interesting...."
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"I want a tear gas pen, a blowgun with paralyzer darts--"
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"Nunchucks? What are those?"
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"And I want that baseball card where the guy's flipping the bird."
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"-I've seen that one. -And a monkey."
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"Why, it's a death ray, my good man. Behold."
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"-Hey, feels warm. Kind of nice. -Well, it's just the prototype."
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"With funding, this baby could destroy an area the size of New York."
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"-I wanna help people, not kill them! -Oh."
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"The ray only has evil applications."
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"My wife'll be happy. She's hated this death ray from day one."
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"Oh, Lisa, what makes you think you deserve all that money?"
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"I don't deserve it, Grampa. No one here does."
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"The people who deserve it are in the slums."
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"They're children who need books and families who can't make ends meet."
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"-But you can buy me a pony. -You're right!"
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"I'll name her Princess."
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"No, you're right about the poor souls who need a helping hand."
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"I need to take a walk."
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"Oh, dear."
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"-Oh! I'm exhausted. -Poor baby, been lifting your wallet?"
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"No! I've decided to give my money away..."
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"...to truly needy causes!"
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