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Clips from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - Scotch Mist (S01E01)

"I don't want to be here tomorrow with mist up my crack. Now get!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"PHONE RINGS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That's the phone."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Hello? Speaking."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I beg your pudding? And the same to you too!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"If I catch them, I'll string them up by their Buster Browns."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"- Not if I catch the mongrel first. - I don't understand it!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Why are you two still here? Scram!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE DOWN CORRIDOR"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"GHOSTLY BAGPIPES PLAY"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'The mist rolled rellent-lessly round Darkplace, much like smoke or fog."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'but was probably nearer 20 minutes to half an hour.'"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"- It's Liz! She's having a vision! - Argh!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Go away. I demand that you go. Please be gone."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"My God, you must go!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Argh!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"- Thanks, Rick. I was hysterical. - What is it?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Now, I don't like to see anyone die,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CROW CAWS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Sanch) Dag, what batteries are you using?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Rick) Powerzone Turbo Cells. Got a bag of 'em down Herne Bay market. £1 for 30."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Sanch) Hm. Can I speak frankly? (Rick) Of course."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Sanch) If you act like an cheap arsehole, expect the shittiest portion."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Rick) Let me live my own life, Sanch. They're fine."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Look - Jim, struck by the mist,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"though he's still alive, unbelievable as that seems."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Let's run into that outhouse."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You goddamned evil misty Jocks."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Listen - I am not prejudiced, all right?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"But Joe Public is. You probably are."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You look like a dropout."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Point being - I wrote this to heal Britain."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Erm... Scotch Mist some thought was fairly racist."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I didn't, to be honest. Erm..."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"not even for the big boys."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"GHOSTLY MUTTERING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CLOCK TICKS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Have you ever been to Scotland, Dag?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Once."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"What was it like?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I remember it much as one recalls a dream, or a nightmare."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"It's so hilly up there, you can't get any signal on your carphone."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"It looked bad. It looked like I'd have to spend the night in Glasgow."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Jesus Christ!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I figured it'd be safer on the streets."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat - and it weren't pretty."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'd seen them in stations before, being loud, but now I was surrounded."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"It felt like they were watching me. >"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Fish-white flesh puckered by the highland breeze. Tight eyes peering out."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"A shatter of glass. A round of applause. >"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I ain't never goin' back. Not never."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"My aunt lives in Scotland. She says it's quite nice."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"She's right, the mist is retreating."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You're both right, it is retreating."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You get Jim back to the hospital. I'll cover you."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'In my private bones I knew they'd be safe - this mist was out for one person only,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'I ran like my life depended on it, which it did.'"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"WAILING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"As a writer, I make my own rules up."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Sometimes you have to be a bigot to bring down bigger bigots."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"- Dagless should be back by now. - We have to help him."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"We'd never make it. The batteries in these fans are spent."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"If he will buy cheap batteries..."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"It's better to buy from a reputable high-street retailer."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Exactly. They may even be stolen."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"But the initial price of a name battery is so much higher."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I use rechargables. Couldn't charge them last night because I was playing the keyboard."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Maybe Reed has name batteries, like Duracell or Ever Ready."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Well, you'd hope so."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I told you before, I don't do that!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I ask you!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Take that last bit back."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Sanch and Liz) Rick!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Rick!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"GHOSTLY MUTTERING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"BEEPING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""Mon" means "man", but I don't think "och" means anything."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"In Glasgow, in a chip shop I ordered a cheeseburger."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I refused to pay. An argument ensued, and I said some very racist things"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"about how fat a lot of Scotch were."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That's why this mist is here. Revenge. I have to face them."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"man to Scotchman."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Then take this. It's my flick knife."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Thanks."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Something that might come in handy."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Put your trousers on."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"GHOSTLY MUTTERING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CROW CAWS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CHANTING AND BAGPIPES"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Please accept this shortbread."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm afraid I can't offer you any salt to go with that."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CRUNCHING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Didnae get me wrong. I love Scotch people - I love Lulu and if Taggart's on I'll tape it."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That night I was pissed off I was in Glasgow. >"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Colleagues have since visited during the day and have had a cracking time."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm sorry. I was wrong. I see that now."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"My life is yours."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"CHANTING AND BAGPIPES"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"What about the hair?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"SIREN WAILS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"It was very, very cheap."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Hey!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Well done, fellas and Liz."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"PHONE RINGS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"This'll be Won Ton congratulating us."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Hello? Beg your pudding?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That's not my bag! What's wrong with you people?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm just trying to run a decent hospital"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Get out of the office! Thank you."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"ALL LAUGH"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm gonna get out of here for a bit, grab some air."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I wonder what brought them here."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Was it Rick? This hospital? Or was it both?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'One mist had gone, but another mist remained. A worst mist."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Amist that fogged men's minds. The mist of mist-understanding."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Luckily, this mist was a metaphor and wouldn't affect things much."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I once tried to open a gentleman's club near Fife. North of the border."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"They'd be the first to accept that."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"50-50 they'll get along. That's encouraging."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
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