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Clips from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - Scotch Mist (S01E01)

(Dean) 'Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is a Garth Marenghi production

"(Dean) 'Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is a Garth Marenghi production"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Your operation's in five minutes.

"Your operation's in five minutes."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Come on!

"Come on!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Problem, Thornton?

"Problem, Thornton?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

They eat through batteries, and they can nick your fingers. Stay local.

"They eat through batteries, and they can nick your fingers. Stay local."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Screechy booze-soaked voices hollering for a taxi to take 'em to the next pub.

"Screechy booze-soaked voices hollering for a taxi to take 'em to the next pub."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'Heroically I let Sanch, Jim and Liz run back without me.

"'Heroically I let Sanch, Jim and Liz run back without me."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'and that person, methought, was moi.

"'and that person, methought, was moi."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

this is a show about great original writing.

"this is a show about great original writing."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

And just listen to the answerphone.

"And just listen to the answerphone."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I don't know yet. Slow it down 26%. Shhh. Listen.

"I don't know yet. Slow it down 26%. Shhh. Listen."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

It's me they want. That's what they're gonna get.

"It's me they want. That's what they're gonna get."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

That could have happened to anyone. Don't beat yourself up about it.

"That could have happened to anyone. Don't beat yourself up about it."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I just want to apologise for what I did to your countrymen.

"I just want to apologise for what I did to your countrymen."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

STRONG SCOTTISH ACCENT

"STRONG SCOTTISH ACCENT"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Glasgow's industrial, but it's still a third-world country.

"Glasgow's industrial, but it's still a third-world country."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Things are improving by degrees.

"Things are improving by degrees."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Mmm. Yeah, that's real good. Mmm.

"Mmm. Yeah, that's real good. Mmm."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I said " This is an ambitious script

"I said " This is an ambitious script"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

And you might need this.

"And you might need this."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Faint) 'Och, it'll grow out.'

"(Faint) 'Och, it'll grow out.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

So, here it be - uncut, uncensored,

"So, here it be - uncut, uncensored,"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and served it to me in a tissue.

"and served it to me in a tissue."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

and you people keep bothering me very rudely.

"and you people keep bothering me very rudely."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Move your arse, Liz!

"Move your arse, Liz!"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I'll cross-fertilise the data.

"I'll cross-fertilise the data."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

They're jealous of our continental ways.

"They're jealous of our continental ways."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Scotch mist? But what's Scotch mist?

"Scotch mist? But what's Scotch mist?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I've got to do it like this.

"I've got to do it like this."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

For this I wanted them to go "Ooooh."

"For this I wanted them to go "Ooooh.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

They want what we have - order, sobriety, hope, everything Romford stands for.

"They want what we have - order, sobriety, hope, everything Romford stands for."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

"Blood. Ruby-red blood. Her blood. Blood.

""Blood. Ruby-red blood. Her blood. Blood."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

A lot of people write to move, or to protest.

"A lot of people write to move, or to protest."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Someone's given my number out as a massage parlour. Who'd do that?

"Someone's given my number out as a massage parlour. Who'd do that?"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

but if someone has to die it might as well be a techie...

"but if someone has to die it might as well be a techie..."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

That's a bagpipe.

"That's a bagpipe."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

'And the weatherman had said, and I quote, "More mist to come."

"'And the weatherman had said, and I quote, "More mist to come.""

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

It's the same hammer in the tool belt - you can barely tell the difference.

"It's the same hammer in the tool belt - you can barely tell the difference."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. >

"bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. >"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Cheers. I thought of it in the car.

"Cheers. I thought of it in the car."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

- Fair enough. - I'm going solo on this -

"- Fair enough. - I'm going solo on this -"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I gave every episode a theme, even when we were late or I was tired.

"I gave every episode a theme, even when we were late or I was tired."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Porridge.

"Porridge."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

MUTTERING

"MUTTERING"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If I want to start a sentence with a full stop, I will.

"If I want to start a sentence with a full stop, I will."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

If I want to highlight social prejudice, I will, but my way.

"If I want to highlight social prejudice, I will, but my way."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

(Answerphone) 'Hello, I'm calling about arranging a massage.'

"(Answerphone) 'Hello, I'm calling about arranging a massage.'"

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Just over there.

"Just over there."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

I think I know what did this.

"I think I know what did this."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Scotch mist.

"Scotch mist."

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace