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Clips from The Good Place - The Eternal Shriek (S01E01)

"any rewards card."
The Good Place
"I wanted to talk briefly to someone and then say,"
The Good Place
"I wanted to eat a saltine."
The Good Place
"Oh! I actually have some saltines."
The Good Place
"Here, try this."
The Good Place
"And too salty."
The Good Place
"Well, going out on a real low note here. Okay, bye, everyone."
The Good Place
"Well, take it sleazy."
The Good Place
"You got to say it?"
The Good Place
"Yes, but then you say it back."
The Good Place
"No, it's not organic."
The Good Place
"Uh, Janet, how many Janets have there been?"
The Good Place
"There have been 25 generations of Janet."
The Good Place
"Each new update of Janet gains more wisdom and social abilities."
The Good Place
"Fun fact... The first Janet had a click wheel."
The Good Place
"So it's like aging for a human? You're... You're growing up?"
The Good Place
"That's how I like to think of it, Chidi."
The Good Place
"I can't eat, so every time there's a new version of Janet,"
The Good Place
"I like to take a piece of birthday cake and smash it around where my mouth is."
The Good Place
"Look, Janet has... Has learned and grown."
The Good Place
"She's essentially living a life. We can't kill her."
The Good Place
"Listen, man, I'm dead, you're dead, we all died, and now we're killing her."
The Good Place
"Pay it forward."
The Good Place
"No, that's not what that means at all. Eleanor?"
The Good Place
"Here we are."
The Good Place
"Just press that button, and it's good-bye, Janet."
The Good Place
"Uh..."
The Good Place
"Chidi, I can see that you're worried, and I just want to assure you,"
The Good Place
"I am not human, and I cannot feel pain."
The Good Place
"Ah. Thank you. That helps."
The Good Place
"However, I should warn you..."
The Good Place
"As you approach the kill switch, I will begin to beg for my life."
The Good Place
"It's just there in case of an accidental shut down,"
The Good Place
"but it will seem very real."
The Good Place
"Oh, I think I have to."
The Good Place
"Um, being a bystander seems worse, somehow."
The Good Place
"Okay, here we go."
The Good Place
"Chidi, no, no, no! Chidi, please! Please, please, please don't hurt me."
The Good Place
"I don't want to die! Please, please..."
The Good Place
"Again, I am not human. I can't die."
The Good Place
"I am simply an anthropomorphized vessel of knowledge"
The Good Place
"Oh, yes, it is a very effective fail-safe."
The Good Place
"You want a robot killed right, you have to do it yourself."
The Good Place
"Eleanor? Eleanor, no, no, no."
The Good Place
"Please, wait, wait, wait, wait. Eleanor, I have kids."
The Good Place
"I have three beautiful children..."
The Good Place
"Tyler, Emma, and little, tiny baby Phillip."
The Good Place
"Look at Tyler. Tyler has asthma, but he is battling it like a champ."
The Good Place
"Look at him. No, Eleanor, look at them."
The Good Place
"Look at them! Look at them!"
The Good Place
"- It's so realistic! - Eleanor, again, I'm not human."
The Good Place
"This is a stock photo of the crowd at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards."
The Good Place
"That's right, it's not real."
The Good Place
"- Let's just do this. - Right."
The Good Place
"Please, I have so much to live for. No, no, no. Please."
The Good Place
"Hey, guys, what's going on? That party was lame, so I bailed."
The Good Place
"Then I saw you, so I followed you here."
The Good Place
"- Oh, look, a button. - No, no, no!"
The Good Place
"Oh, man, I wanted to push that button."
The Good Place
"Not cool, dude."
The Good Place
"Whoa. What happened to Janet?"
The Good Place
"She's dead. I killed her."
The Good Place
"Not killed. Remember,"
The Good Place
"Janet was not a living being, so she can't be killed."
The Good Place
"Attention... I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"Attention... I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"Attention... I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"Attention... I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"What do we do, Eleanor?"
The Good Place
"What do we do? Chidi, you just murdered Janet."
The Good Place
"We have to flee your crime scene."
The Good Place
"Run!"
The Good Place
"I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"- Sorry, Janet! - I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"Attention... I have..."
The Good Place
"Attention..."
The Good Place
"I have been murdered."
The Good Place
"Okay, dude, crash course in getting away with bad stuff."
The Good Place
"You have to act calm and cool like you don't have a care in the world."
The Good Place
"Okay?"
The Good Place
"Great."
The Good Place
"Um, I know what you need."
The Good Place
"Janet, can you get Chidi some weed?"
The Good Place
"Oh, that's right. You killed Janet."
The Good Place
"Well, Janet's been murdered."
The Good Place
"That's a nice capper to this wonderful day."
The Good Place
"I don't really know what happens now"
The Good Place
"because... Janet has never been murdered before..."
The Good Place
"Michael, you mustn't blame yourself."
The Good Place
"I'm not. I'm blaming you."
The Good Place
"Anyway, what is there to say about Janet that hasn't already been said"
The Good Place
""I've been murdered!""
The Good Place
"Hello."
The Good Place
"Janet, you're alive!"
The Good Place
"Hello, Architect, please enter your four-digit pin."
The Good Place
"Uh, what is it? Uh, what is it?"
The Good Place
"It's my, uh, birth year."
The Good Place
"Uh..."
The Good Place
"I got to change that. That's too easy to guess."
The Good Place
"Janet... Who murdered you?"
The Good Place
"- Oh. Oh, no. - Okay."
The Good Place
"- Hello. - Yes, hello."
The Good Place
"Uh, her memory must have been wiped clean..."
The Good Place
"So now she's gonna have"
The Good Place
"which will only take a few days. Okay..."
The Good Place
"- Hello. - Hello."
The Good Place
"Hello. Hello."
The Good Place
"Everyone, um, until I get to the bottom of this,"
The Good Place
"Oh, oh."
The Good Place
"Hello. Hello."
The Good Place
"You got to admit... I kind of nailed it."
The Good Place
"All we have to do now is keep the secret forever."
The Good Place
"J-Dog, you cool?"
The Good Place
"No, by the time I got to the piñata, all the candy was gone."
The Good Place
"He's not gonna tell anyone."
The Good Place
"Chidi? Cheedster? What's, uh, happening, buddy?"
The Good Place
"You have a crazy look in your eye, and you're retreating into your shirt."
The Good Place
"You're kind of turtling."
The Good Place
"Henry, are you all right? What happened?"
The Good Place
"I have an aneurysm. Requires emergency surgery."
The Good Place
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