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Clips from The Good Place - The Eternal Shriek (S01E01)

"Doctors' give me a 50/50 chance."
The Good Place
"So, if there's anything you need to say to me,"
The Good Place
"you should do it now."
The Good Place
"Oh, well..."
The Good Place
"They let you wear your boots in here?"
The Good Place
"They're the only things that bring me comfort."
The Good Place
"What did you want to say to me?"
The Good Place
"I love you, too, boot brother."
The Good Place
"Oh... Okay."
The Good Place
"You didn't have to stay here all night."
The Good Place
"So surgery went well? All clear?"
The Good Place
"Right as rain, buddy."
The Good Place
"That is so, so, so great."
The Good Place
"- I hate your boots. - What?"
The Good Place
"I told you that I loved your boots three years ago,"
The Good Place
"and I was lying, and that lie has haunted me ever since,"
The Good Place
"and people tried to tell me it was fine..."
The Good Place
"Just a nice, little white lie in the form of social niceties..."
The Good Place
"But I disagreed, and then yesterday"
The Good Place
"I thought you were gonna die, but now you're not dead,"
The Good Place
"and I can finally be honest"
The Good Place
"and say that those boots are terrible and hideous"
The Good Place
"and I hate them."
The Good Place
"Whoo!"
The Good Place
"I can't live with this lie."
The Good Place
"I'm going to confess to the murder of Janet."
The Good Place
"What?"
The Good Place
"Dude, why?"
The Good Place
"Janet is fine."
The Good Place
"We didn't harm her at all."
The Good Place
"We didn't? Hey, Janet?"
The Good Place
"Hello."
The Good Place
"- Hello. - Hello."
The Good Place
"Janet, would you please recite the English alphabet?"
The Good Place
"A-B..."
The Good Place
"Janet."
The Good Place
"She knows her A-B-Janets."
The Good Place
"She literally knew everything in the universe,"
The Good Place
"and now she's a baby."
The Good Place
"And even if she were okay, it would be too painful for me"
The Good Place
"to live with these lies."
The Good Place
"What are you talking about? It is so easy to live with a lie."
The Good Place
"I once pretended to have a terminal illness"
The Good Place
"Victimless crime."
The Good Place
"I won't say anything because I promised to help you."
The Good Place
"And the moral implications..."
The Good Place
"Of everything that we've done are so complicated"
The Good Place
"that I may never untangle them, but I hate lying."
The Good Place
"I always have,"
The Good Place
"and this is going to eat me up inside forever."
The Good Place
"You might be able to shrug this off, and forget about it, but I never will."
The Good Place
"Hello."
The Good Place
"- Hi. - Hello."
The Good Place
"- Hi. - Hello."
The Good Place
"Jianyu!"
The Good Place
"Michael, Janet said you wanted to speak to me."
The Good Place
"Well, actually, she was just drooling a lot"
The Good Place
"and saying, "Hello" over and over again, but she did point at you."
The Good Place
"Oh, no. No, you don't."
The Good Place
"No... But, uh, please continue."
The Good Place
"You were only trying to help."
The Good Place
"and if I ever do have a retirement party,"
The Good Place
"I hope you plan it."
The Good Place
"Thank you for gathering, everyone. I want to keep you all updated."
The Good Place
"Here's what we know."
The Good Place
"Oh, boy."
The Good Place
"- Oh, boy. - Okay, easy."
The Good Place
"I assume that this horrifying act"
The Good Place
"is somehow related to the other issues we've had here."
The Good Place
"It also means that the problems in this neighborhood"
The Good Place
"are not 100% my fault."
The Good Place
"There is something else at work here."
The Good Place
"If anyone has any information"
The Good Place
"about any of this..."
The Good Place
"I beg you,"
The Good Place
"tell me."
The Good Place
"Hey, I love you, man."
The Good Place
"Michael..."
The Good Place
"The problem in the neighborhood..."
The Good Place
"I was brought to The Good Place by mistake."
The Good Place
"I'm not supposed to be here."
The Good Place
"My meddling is the one true constant in all of our disasters."
The Good Place
"which was the mistake that led to all the other problems."
The Good Place
"Saw them in the store, and I was just like, "Whoa!""
The Good Place
"Well, it's not perceptible by human eyes."
The Good Place
"of all of the party poppers immediately. No, not by using them."
The Good Place
"really made me feel like I made the right choice to buy them."
The Good Place
"Because of The Eternal Shriek!"
The Good Place
"What is it? Oh, right, right, right!"
The Good Place
"I don't care that she came back or that we did it for a good reason."
The Good Place
"Pretty dry..."
The Good Place
"Cool. So who's doing this, me or you?"
The Good Place
"No, Jianyu. Done."
The Good Place
"Oh, wow. Look, it's Weekend at Bernie's, 'cause you're a dead guy in sunglasses."
The Good Place
"Janet?"
The Good Place
"This is why everyone hates moral philosophy professors."
The Good Place
"and someone else is walking the other way,"
The Good Place
"I am programmed with a fail-safe measure."
The Good Place
"to re-upload all the knowledge in the universe,"
The Good Place
"Fine."
The Good Place
"Someone slaughtered Janet."
The Good Place