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Clips from The Simpsons - Please Homer Don't Hammer 'em (S18E18)

"I did. I made a foot rest."
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"Oh, don't you have any follow-through on anything?"
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"What's the point? We're all slowly dying."
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"Oh, the floorboard broke my nightstand."
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"Hmm..."
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"Hmm..."
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"I did it!"
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"It's "of accomplishment"!"
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"Wow, Mom, you made all this?"
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"I could start my own carpentry business."
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"I'm already arranging the clip art for the letterhead in my mind."
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"Can I help you, Miss?"
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"And you're the carpenter?"
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"A lady carpenter? I don't know."
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"And don't tell me you're infertile."
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"It's so unfair."
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"I'm as handy as any man."
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"I love this bed you made."
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"I guess people just expect their carpenter"
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"to be some fat guy with his butt crack showing."
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""Simpsons Manly-Man Handyman" at your service."
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"Please install a doggie door sized for a teacup poodle."
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"No problem."
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"Marge, the coast is clear."
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"You know that old saying:"
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""Measure like a girl, hammer like a guy.""
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"Yes, but you're holding your hammer backwards."
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"Oh, uh... you know what they say,"
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""Hammer with the wood and it's all good.""
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"It's all good."
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"A dash of glue, a turn of screw,"
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"Uh-oh, switch!"
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"And... done!"
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"Mm-mmm!"
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"if I told you a woman did most of the work?"
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"Uh, like all manly men, I have a vivid imagination."
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"Well said."
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"Let's take off our shirts and wrestle."
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"Oh, why should we have to give up our salty snacks"
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"just to keep one allergic kid from exploding?"
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"Who is this selfish jerk anyway?"
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"It's not me, I swear."
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"I'm only allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy, and my own tears."
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"Willie, you can tell me."
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"Who says it's a dude?"
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"Hmm."
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"Just like the English took our sheep and our women in 1291."
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"Then, they sent them back, which was worse!"
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"Why don't you just incinerate the contraband?"
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"Will do, but first, Willie gets his gob-full."
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"My allergy is so sensitive, a single molecule"
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"Hello, Marge."
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"- Oh, I help more than you might think. - Sure you do."
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"Looks like you broke something. Better call Homer!"
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"Just give all the details to my secretary Shirley."
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"This is Shirley."
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"Yes, fine, he'll be there tomorrow. Good-bye."
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"We should fix her up with Barney."
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"Homie..."
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"I think you're taking a little too much credit for my work."
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"Marge, giving me credit was your idea. Now, could you rub my butt?"
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"Oh...!"
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"but if we tell the truth now, I'll be humiliated in front of the whole town."
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"floating outside the Florida Keys, cruising for rich snorkelers."
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"Yes, you might say he'll "blow up"."
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"What ever. I've got some paper to mâché."
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"Simpson! Report to detention at once."
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"Ah, I'm not a big fan of detention."
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"- Why does Lenny need a windmill, anyway? - Ah, he wants to grind his own corn."
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"Wow, great job, Homer."
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"Your wife? Give me a break."
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"The only thing women can build is credit card debt."
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"Credit card debt."
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"Homer, did you leave a powerdrill on in your toolbox?"
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"It's making this horrible noise."
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"Yeah, I hear it, too."
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"♪ We will, we will rock you ♪"
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"♪ We will, we will rock you ♪"
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"♪ Playin' in the street ♪ ♪ gonna be a big man some day... ♪"
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"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, infinity."
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"I never expected them to climb on the cabinet"
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"Homer, it's time people knew the truth."
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"I'm doing the work and I want the credit."
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"Which makes now the perfect time to tell you,"
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"the mayor's hired to fix the old Springfield roller coaster."
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"If the kids ask, I did it."
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"You're gonna have fix that roller coaster yourself,"
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"because I quit, and I'm taking this with me!"
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"This is not going to end well."
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"We need to replace them with kick-ass going-down parts."
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"Oh, yeah, going-downparts."
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"Uh, Mr. Simpson, shouldn't we begin by securing the struts?"
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"What are struts?! Oh, I don't know."
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"Anything about struts."
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"And I promised these guys money I don't have!"
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"Ah, let's go home."
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"Maybe I can sneak home without them seeing me."
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"Are you ready to be lightly assaulted?"
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"Good morning."
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"and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins."
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"The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral."
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"I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance."
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"I shall laugh. Ha-ha!"
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"I've got you now, Bart."
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"Dad, here's a thought:"
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"If you just gave mom credit, maybe she could help you."
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"If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true."
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"I'd like a daddy who lived in the real world."
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"Good morning, Seymour."
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"You may be wondering what I'm doing with this hat full of maggots."
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"- Eat shrimp and die! - No! I'm allergic!"
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"No one teaches me history!"
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"- I... was... El Barto. - No...!"
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"and out-of-town roller coaster weirdos."
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"Your father's finally gonna get exposed"
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"as the credit-stealing fraud he is!"
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"Perfect."
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"And now to get stinking drunk!"
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"You won't get married on Colossus, you won't get married on The Zoominator,"
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"- Just say it. it's me! - Oh, no, baby, no!"
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