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Clips from Archer - Killing Utne (S01E01)

"Hello? - Hello?"
Archer
"- Can you hear me? Come in. - What? Wait."
Archer
"Kenneth? - Turn off. Turn off. Turn off."
Archer
"What? I can't hear you, tiny man."
Archer
"God, that is just..."
Archer
"hmm, classic her."
Archer
"Places, everyone."
Archer
"You both have a clear line of..."
Archer
"- Sure, I think so. - Well then let's eat. First bell."
Archer
"- Wow. Forgot how much I hated that. - Oh, that's right."
Archer
"Ha-ha-ha! - L... Mother!"
Archer
"Sissy bed-wetter."
Archer
"- Wait, whose bed? - It was always "don't ask, don't tell.""
Archer
"Woodhouse. What are you doing? - Uh, sitting down, sir."
Archer
"This Archer is a gigantic douche bag."
Archer
"Oh, Torvald."
Archer
"- Very kind of you, ma'am. Shut up."
Archer
"- Oh... Then, um..."
Archer
"- Hooray. Dig in. Wow."
Archer
"It does smell vaguely poisonous."
Archer
"- Are you sure she has the right plate? - Pretty sure."
Archer
"Don't worry, this is a normal smell."
Archer
"- This is called Janssons frestelse. - Frestel?"
Archer
"Yes, and I am tempted to give ISIS the UN contract, Malory."
Archer
"Hmm? I mean, you are?"
Archer
"- Well, it depends on your frestelse. Mm."
Archer
"Tell me, my dear, is it tempting?"
Archer
"Elke, what is the matter? Are you...?"
Archer
"Um... - What?"
Archer
"- Perfidy. - No, Torvald, there's no perfidy."
Archer
"- You poison my food over a contract? - Torvald, I swear I didn't..."
Archer
"When I am finished with ISIS, you won't be able to get a contract..."
Archer
"for a pre-paid mobile phone. - No, no!"
Archer
"I will tear you down brick by perfidious brick."
Archer
"- But they were blanks. Weren't they? - Uh, only if the back of his skull picked..."
Archer
"that exact moment to explode outwards. - What?"
Archer
"Ugh! - Oh, my God."
Archer
"- Damn it. Where are those Germans? What?"
Archer
"What condition? Your only condition is that you are a stupid crazy girl."
Archer
"Do not speak to me like a child, Manfred. I hate when you do that."
Archer
"- No, no, it's okay. I think we both knew it. - Oh, Mani."
Archer
"- This is funny to you? - I ate a bunch of that LSD..."
Archer
"you had labeled as baby Aspirin. - That was baby Aspirin."
Archer
"- Wait, what? - What, uh?"
Archer
"- What's the plan here? - I shall fetch a rug."
Archer
"Hurry, the Beekmans will be back any time."
Archer
"God, Cyril, would you go?"
Archer
"Exactly. All right, drop them there..."
Archer
"next to that awful Louis Quinze repro."
Archer
"so, Cyril. Take Sterling's gun..."
Archer
"and pump a round into his prostitute. Wait, what?"
Archer
"Everyone shoots the chippy. That way, we're all in it together."
Archer
"Think of it as a team-building exercise."
Archer
"ODIN gets to go on Outward Bound. ODIN can suck it. Now shoot."
Archer
"You're next. Cyril, that was pathetic."
Archer
"Come on. Everybody shoots. Hey, I wanna go. Bam!"
Archer
"Not for long. Dr. Krieger, dear? What? Oh."
Archer
"and Sterling. But this gun, it was a gift."
Archer
"Oh, please. Nobody gives you gifts."
Archer
"try to explain this little barbecue to the co-op board."
Archer
"- Just like a Zambezi feast. Yeah, I'm kinda hungry."
Archer
"Well this torte's a winner, Malory."
Archer
"- What was the name again? - Kladdkaka."
Archer
"Stop it."
Archer
"And as you may or..."
Archer
"That wasn't her fault. Who puts OxyContin in a Xanax bottle?"
Archer
"Ha, ha. I'm gonna leave you to think about that whole line of reasoning..."
Archer
"Just ready your body for work, hmm?"
Archer
"We kill Torvald Utne."
Archer
"- Ugh. - He can have carob."
Archer
"Uh... Oh, you were talking about my guns."
Archer
"- Like Krav Maga, for instance. - My arm, my arm."
Archer
"- Cyril, in my medicine cabinet... Wait, no. - Aah."
Archer
"she probably never had time to learn to drive."
Archer
"You know what second-hand smoke does to a fetus."
Archer
"As also am I. So if you will excuse..."
Archer
"Now, good night, and good..."
Archer
"- Whoa. Wait a minute. Hey, Utne. Utne! - Would you shut up?"
Archer
"But what if you kill them both?"
Archer
"No, I was addressing you as "help." What's the story on those fish balls?"
Archer
"- That was Duchess? - Yeah, the deadliest agent there is."
Archer
"What if her plan is a big fat set-up? What if they mean to kill us?"
Archer
"Okay. So now we go to Plan Manfred."
Archer
"Only to pay for European med school. Ha, ha."
Archer
"- She probably uses the metric system. - Yeah, what do they use? Kilowatts?"
Archer
"But keep them limbered up. I have a big surprise planned for dinner..."
Archer
"Because our employer was very clear: We are not to harm the hostess."
Archer
"- Good. So on the second bell... - I come out shooting blanks. See?"
Archer
"sight to the kitchen? - Yes?"
Archer
"- Sterling. - What? Look, he thinks he's people."
Archer
"Woodhouse, dear, please have a seat."
Archer
"Yes, frestelse. It means "temptation.""
Archer
"You don't know."
Archer
"Whatever you say, dear. Dr. Krieger?"
Archer
"for this dinner party. - There's no scheme-hatchery."
Archer
"Uh, oh, wait. Uh, with all that..."
Archer
"- What do you mean "with?" - Against. Obviously. Duh."
Archer
"Is that hard to do? With those big old ballpark frankenfingers?"
Archer
"Oh, Jesus."
Archer
"- Well then go find an ATM, - I'm sorry?"
Archer
"Wunderbar, Tovald."
Archer
"I think you like it. Ja."
Archer
"Now, then... Still didn't get the contract."
Archer
"Ugh. The Organization of Douche bags In... In..."
Archer
"- Well? - Oh, was that not rhetorical?"
Archer
"- I think he's already being regaled. Meatballs!"
Archer
"- Fister Roboto wouldn't take that. - He's just too damn sensitive."
Archer
"Get away from me, you disgusting woman."
Archer
"I don't even know how you got out, Woodhouse."
Archer
""long pig.""
Archer
"- Oh, Uta. - What? I am pretty sure."
Archer
"I don't wanna get there and be the only one without a date."
Archer
"And I don't want another one of your sullen whores using my medicine cabinet..."
Archer
"and make Torvald happy. - Um, phrasing?"
Archer
"except for the Negress, the women are..."
Archer
"No one is bringing a date, so don't you bring a date."
Archer
"- Like to get a physical from her. - Or with her. Ha, ha."
Archer
"- I have an inbox? - Utne decides which spy agency..."
Archer
"like a Pez dispenser."
Archer
"- And you're uninviting me in advance. - Normally, yes."
Archer
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