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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes to a Hotel! (S02E02)

"I..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"do..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is..."
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"♪ ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Where did everybody go, anyway?"
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"and the black guy's dead!"
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"(KNOCKING AT WINDOW)"
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"After the way I treated you, I was like Cher in Clueless"
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"pretending she wasn't falling for Josh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have every reason to hate me,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but you protected me."
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"Every day, after Sonja goes to work at the U.N...."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wait, where?"
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"I smell your scrunchie"
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"As if!"
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"No, I..."
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"We shouldn't wait to live our lives."
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"But you could lose everything."
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"so take tonight off."
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"Like when Joey and Pacey went to Aunt Gwen's cottage in"
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"(IN VIETNAMESE) The Creek of the Son of Daw."
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"I think we're both thinking the same thing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(BOTH) Four."
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"The Poconos."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What are you doing?"
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"You're not Frankenwolf today. You're filling in for Jason."
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"The Spooky Gravedigger?"
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"Do I still get to do my solo?"
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"No, the Invisible Kraken will take your part."
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"You have way too much work to do."
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"But those papers have numbers on them, Rick."
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"Numbers!"
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"Hey, are you the manager?"
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"I think these Spooky Joes went bad."
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"Have the customers no toilets?"
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"Have they no trash cans?"
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"Wow, will you look at this place?"
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"Oh, my God."
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"A Wall Street fella could really kill a lady in here."
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"All you got to do is pay the lawyer"
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"to stall for you until the Wieners..."
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"I can't do that!"
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"I'm broke, okay?"
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"Are you kidding?"
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"With this apartment and that wig?"
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"I can't stay here."
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"This is the painting?"
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"It's just a bunch of squares and, like, three paints."
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"A kid could draw this!"
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"Or we could."
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"Well, we're getting closer."
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"Wait, which one is the original?"
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"I'll have to sell my diamonds and pearls."
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"Oh, honey, you're gonna have to sell all your Prince albums."
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"I won't have anything worth insuring."
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"Is the painting insured?"
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"A standard policy against fire, theft, orgy mist, and class war."
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"Well, why didn't you say so?"
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"That's easy!"
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"All you got to do is say you're giving the painting back"
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"But then... Oh, no... a bunch of dogs eat it!"
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"What kind of things?"
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"the Indiana Fever last night"
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"on the strength of their crisp layups."
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"I don't know if I can do that."
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"Think it over."
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"♪ ♪"
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"I've never stayed at a hotel before,"
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"but I don't think this place is open."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"When I called from the road, the fax line was working."
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"Nope, it was that raccoon."
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"- (RACCOON CHITTERING) - (LINE SCREECHING)"
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"We can have whatever room we want,"
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"and there's no way anyone's gonna spot us here."
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"And look, they must have tennis!"
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"Oh, man, no, I think this used to be an orange."
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"I bet this place used to be really romantic."
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"Seriously."
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"I mean, the bathtub's shaped like a butt!"
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"Warning regarding babies and hot tubs:"
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"Due to the high temperatures and their ability"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of spontaneous pregnancy."
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"Wow, that's not where I thought that was headed."
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"So we can do whatever we want."
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"(LAUGHS)"
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"I feel like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone."
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"Okay, on three, let's both say what we want to do."
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"One, two, three."
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"Candy machine."
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"Whoo-hoo!"
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"♪ ♪"
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"Heater's broken on six!"
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"Mount Breezy Lodge."
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"So what should we do now?"
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"I mean, what else do people even do in hotels..."
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"No, I want to."
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"Let's brush our teeth!"
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"Take a load off."
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"(ROMANTIC MUSIC)"
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"♪ ♪"
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"I don't know why I did that!"
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"Did I do something wrong?"
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"No, I just have problems."
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"I had a weird childhood."
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"Like Anna Chlumsky in My Girl."
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"Okay."
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"Ugh, why does this keep happening?"
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"do you mind if I take off a little early?"
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"I do mind."
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"You're being paid to be here, are you not?"
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"Or perhaps you'd rather I replace you with a Yuko."
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"Wait a minute, you don't have kids."
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"Tiny Tim is my nickname for my penis."
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"- He's very sick. - Hogwash!"
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"The hogwash just made it worse!"
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"Fake Christmas or no,"
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"you shall work befitting your situation!"
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"If I gave everyone who had a sick penis the day off,"
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"there'd be no one here at all, least of all me, sir!"
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"Now, good day!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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