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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes to a Hotel! (S02E02)

"No, idiot, I'm calling..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yesterday, 9:10 p.m."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hi, Jackie-Lynn, it's Mom."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She's from South Dakota, you know."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She knows!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That secret society at Yale finally agreed"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to return your great-great-grandfather's skull."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a beer stein now,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(FERN) See, people do the right thing eventually."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Maybe this is still Home Alone."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's just the part where Kevin cripples those desperate men."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't want it to be Home Alone."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's not... sexy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What happened to..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's what I wanted tonight to be like."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"when Dawson and Joey finally kissed?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It was so perfect!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She doesn't even end up with Dawson."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What? But it's his creek."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, Joey and Pacey go all the way"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"on the class ski trip at the end of season four."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I only saw season one"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for totally normal not weird reasons."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And it's not like their thing was all that perfect either."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, Pacey and Joey were totally fighting"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for that entire ski trip"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And what about that speech that she gave?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What was up with that?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, she makes sex"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you'd give your dog walker for Christmas."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, how about, This is because"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I find you really attractive, Pacey."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is because I love your doughy little boy body,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He got through it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Jeez, Purvis, I had no idea it was so complicated."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, and don't even get me started on sex."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, it's weird, and it's gross,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and it's way too close to where we poop and pee,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, I guess we all have our issues."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But as long as you find the right person,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you know, like Pacey and Joey,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Um..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(LOUDLY) condoms?!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Jason got the part in Hamilton of break-dancing John Locke,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so consider yourself promoted!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yes, we are gonna have to recast your old part."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Rodney could fit into the Frankenwolf costume."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I get to sing?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Goodbye, Rodney Simmons."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's like looking into my own past,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Shut up."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I used to be like him."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Now I'm just sitting here counting my money."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, God!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's what the president looks like now?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"if I'm the boss?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nah, man, I just want to know if I can switch to hockey."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is that really what it's all about?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I quit!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with the people I fake love!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She never taught me about the birds and the bees."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And the Durnsville school system"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"only taught us about the birds and the bees."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Did you know God won't let penguins fly"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ready for the hurricane?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, no!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and didn't realize it?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This happened once before when I tried to sleep"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"on a pile of cut-up bike tires."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(GASPS) Call back."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And now I can't breathe,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's supposed to be Dawson's Creek."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've never done this before."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you're wasting my time!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Will you stop making those noises?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay, look, I'll have you know"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lou Ferrigno, Henry Kissinger,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wow, and you're boring."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're the total package!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I think I just figured out why a beautiful woman like you"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is living alone, but I'm afraid I can't leave"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"until the Mondrian does."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Who do I blame for all of this?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She said I didn't need a rich husband to support me,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but she was wrong."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(SIGHS) I just want my old life back."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Maya Wiener-Hertz-Allott-Cozzabudts."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I got to wheels up back to D.C. in 90 minutes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I haven't flown private in so long."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(RUSS) Yeah, okay, good."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(WHISPERING) I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I'm guessing this isn't Mrs. Green Card"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you were trespassing with on a federal raccoon sanctuary?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is the kind of stuff Trump's talking about."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah, you're telling me, Dave."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"These Chinese guys taking all our redheads."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'll call Immigration."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I ruined your life,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and we didn't even super make out."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You didn't ruin my life."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know, there's no old telephones in here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Uh-huh. - And you're in handcuffs..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for more totally normal reasons."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"We're never going to see each other again,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(GASPS) Oh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"after I caught him wrecking your toilet!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Dong got arrested."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They're gonna send him back to Vietnam."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I got a guy who has some dogs,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I don't think his dogs are gonna be able"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Boy, what day is today?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Um, Thursday."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, it hardly seems possible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So much has happened!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I ran all the way home"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because it seemed more festive and dramatic,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but it took, like, four hours, and it was definitely a mistake!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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