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Clips from Modern Family - Family Portrait (S01E01)

"And it's Elvis. No way."
Modern Family
"Greatest singer that ever lived, after Sinatra. I'll fight any man who says different."
Modern Family
"My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson."
Modern Family
"Then I guess I gotta fight your dad. Yeah, I guess."
Modern Family
"[Cheering]"
Modern Family
"[Beeps]"
Modern Family
"Luke says Grandpa wants to fight you."
Modern Family
"Why does everything have to suck?"
Modern Family
"Let's just do the picture another day. I think I'm getting a pimple."
Modern Family
"No. Do you know how long it took me to book this photographer?"
Modern Family
"Maybe by the fireplace."
Modern Family
"Yeah. That's a classic old-person spot for a portrait."
Modern Family
"Yeah, if I'd ever bothered to paint that hideous wall."
Modern Family
"Claire is a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing,"
Modern Family
"Sometimes it's a bad thing, like when everyone else sees something beautiful..."
Modern Family
"and all she sees is the teeny-tiny flaw."
Modern Family
"- No. No. - [Beeping]"
Modern Family
"No."
Modern Family
"Hi. My house is a disaster."
Modern Family
"Can we do this picture at your place?"
Modern Family
"Yeah, that's- that's not gonna work."
Modern Family
"So-"
Modern Family
"[Birds Chirping]"
Modern Family
"Maybe one more layer. And tight, really tight."
Modern Family
"Dad, can you call them again? I just did."
Modern Family
"They're on their way. Game went into overtime."
Modern Family
"I know, but we're losing the light,"
Modern Family
"and the photographer's gotta get to a bar mitzvah in 10 minutes."
Modern Family
"Oh, red wine. Really? Now?"
Modern Family
"You know, honey, I think you're getting a little too uptight about this."
Modern Family
"It's hard to breathe. Oh, you're fine."
Modern Family
"What'd you do to him? He's turning blue. But his clothes will stay white."
Modern Family
"- We're home! - Oh, thank God."
Modern Family
"Manny, let's go change. [Kisses]"
Modern Family
"[Phil] Hey, there's my beautiful wife."
Modern Family
"I know you're mad at me, and I know this foam finger can't make up for everything."
Modern Family
"Honey, you just go change, and we'll talk about what you did later."
Modern Family
"Hey, thank you so much for those tickets."
Modern Family
"Gloria tells me you had a real good time."
Modern Family
"Not really. No, I didn't. God, I love your daughter."
Modern Family
"Oh! I should- I should come by and kiss that step- fix that step."
Modern Family
"Oh, you're acting like I wanted to destroy the house."
Modern Family
"No. I just think it's odd that the majority of things you destroyed..."
Modern Family
"were sent to us by my mom."
Modern Family
"Okay, okay, okay. So while I'm fighting off that filthy creature,"
Modern Family
"I actually stop and say, "Oh, you know what,"
Modern Family
"here's the opportunity I've always been looking for to destroy our kitschiest objects.""
Modern Family
"Kitschiest? Oh, she's gonna love that."
Modern Family
"Okay. So you are angry. Mitchell, I get it."
Modern Family
"You're terrified of small talk and birds."
Modern Family
"Hello, Jay. Hello, guys."
Modern Family
"Oh, God. Oh, you look like the guy from Dance Fever."
Modern Family
"Thank you. Deney Terrio. Cleveland, Ohio."
Modern Family
"Dad, really? That is not a compliment."
Modern Family
"That's why I wanted you to try those on earlier. Turn around."
Modern Family
"The picture can't happen today. My pimple's getting worse."
Modern Family
"Oh, honey, I am so sorry. Can you stand?"
Modern Family
"It's all anybody's gonna see. I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Modern Family
"Did you get a look at her dress?"
Modern Family
"Okay. Yeah, this is happening. Everybody, come on. Let's go."
Modern Family
"Be careful. I stained some furniture out there this afternoon."
Modern Family
"Of course you did, Dad. Anything else I need to know about?"
Modern Family
"Maybe the neighbors on either side are having a paintball fight."
Modern Family
"Now watch this. Dad, in his infinite wisdom, stained furniture today."
Modern Family
"Don't touch it. It's wet."
Modern Family
"[Claire] Hurry, hurry. Put that down, sweetheart."
Modern Family
"Okay. Okay, we got it. Now we're gonna go out here."
Modern Family
"How do- How do you turn the sprinklers off?"
Modern Family
"¡Ay! Of course! Because I'm Latina,"
Modern Family
"I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers!"
Modern Family
"You were here when they installed it."
Modern Family
"Ay, yeah. The box is across the yard."
Modern Family
"You mean your now-soaking-wet yard? That's great. We are screwed."
Modern Family
"No, we're not. We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon yet."
Modern Family
"Luke walks over there, Hurt Locker style..."
Modern Family
"flips the switch, and boom- or not boom- water off."
Modern Family
"Put the "he" in "hero," Son."
Modern Family
"Hurt Locker? It's more like Squirt Locker."
Modern Family
"Really? That wasn't funny? I actually pity you guys."
Modern Family
"[Cheering]"
Modern Family
"No time to celebrate! Stop it!"
Modern Family
"We don't have a lot of time. [Photographer] All right, everybody."
Modern Family
"If I can have the little ones down front- You know what, sir?"
Modern Family
"If you don't mind, I've got this. Come on, people, let's get out here."
Modern Family
"Haley, Alex, I need you to unwrap your brother."
Modern Family
"All right, I need the Dunphys over on this side."
Modern Family
"Dad, you're in the middle. Mitchell, Cam, Lily on this end. Okay."
Modern Family
"Listen. Uh-huh?"
Modern Family
"Honey, I screwed up, but if ever you're in my arms again-"
Modern Family
"Phil, not now. Yes, now. I don't want to look at this picture..."
Modern Family
"when I'm 80 years old and you're long dead..."
Modern Family
"Phil, we'll talk about what you did later."
Modern Family
"Okay, everybody. Eyes over here."
Modern Family
"I didn't do anything. She kissed me. What?"
Modern Family
"Who kissed you? Gloria."
Modern Family
"What? It was the kiss cam."
Modern Family
"Why did you kiss Cam? No, I kissed Phil. He told me I had to."
Modern Family
"No, no. Okay, hang on a second."
Modern Family
"Was this before or after you ignored the phone call from your wife?"
Modern Family
"You saw that too? Mmm."
Modern Family
"Could we please just take the damn picture?"
Modern Family
"- Oh, damn it! - It was a big day for me,"
Modern Family
"and he didn't want to go because he doesn't like small talk."
Modern Family
"Would it be terribly inconvenient..."
Modern Family
"to just postpone this hissy fit for a few minutes?"
Modern Family
"- Maybe some of us don't want to take a picture today. - Thank you."
Modern Family
"And please, Claire, don't try to make Mitchell do something he doesn't wanna do."
Modern Family
"Okay, stop it! Stop it!"
Modern Family
"Everyone, listen. This took me forever to put together,"
Modern Family
"so I don't really care who kissed who and who's got a pimple on her head..."
Modern Family
"and who is wearing an outrageously inappropriate dress."
Modern Family
"We are gonna get together and act like a normal family..."
Modern Family
"for one-tenth of a freaking second, and we're gonna do it right now."
Modern Family
"Get your hands off of me. No. No. Make me. Make me."
Modern Family
"Ah, this is ridiculous. You're both uptight about everything."
Modern Family
"You didn't want to go to a wedding with him because you didn't want to make small talk?"
Modern Family
"That's how I met Gloria. Do you remember the first thing I said to you?"
Modern Family
"Yes. "I like chocolate, I like fruit, but not together.""
Modern Family
"You couldn't come up with that, lvy League? And you."
Modern Family
"You would be a lot happier if you weren't so obsessed with everything being perfect."
Modern Family
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