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Clips from The Simpsons - Days of Wine and D'oh'ses (S11E11)

"- Mr. Gumble, you're upsetting me. - No, I'm not."
The Simpsons
"Gee. Is that what I look like when I'm drunk?"
The Simpsons
"You wish. That's the stage we call ''Professor Barney.''"
The Simpsons
"Talkative, coherent, even insightful. Here's drunk."
The Simpsons
"[ Stairs Squeaking ]"
The Simpsons
"[ High-pitched Voice ] Well, I'm off to market. [ Burps ]"
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"Marge, you're making a complete fool of yours-"
The Simpsons
"Oh, it's just Barney."
The Simpsons
"[ Gasps ] Precious alcohol, soaking in the shag!"
The Simpsons
"- [ Growling ] - [ Whining ]"
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"Oh. How embarrassing."
The Simpsons
"- Well, how did this happen? - Oh, that. You've had that for a while."
The Simpsons
"Yeah, I can't really picture you without it."
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"Oh, I'm a disgrace!"
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"Disgracefully hilarious."
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"You passed out before we could even give you your presents."
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"I still got mine. Barney, I got you what no drunk can do without-"
The Simpsons
"morning-after stationery."
The Simpsons
"- [ Laughing ] - And I got you helicopter-flyin' lessons."
The Simpsons
"[ Laughs ] He'd be all, ''Look at me!"
The Simpsons
"[ Laughing ]"
The Simpsons
"Ah, anyway, happy b-day, pumpkin."
The Simpsons
"So, I'm a tanked-up loser?"
The Simpsons
"Is that how you see me?"
The Simpsons
"Oh, sounds like a certain loser could use some tankin' up."
The Simpsons
"- [ Grunts ] - Hey, hey. Where you goin'?"
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"I'll show you. I'm gonna take these helicopter lessons."
The Simpsons
"Wait a minute, Barney. You gotta be sober to fly. I mean, it's not like driving a car."
The Simpsons
"- Then I'm gonna quit drinkin'! - [ Laughing ]"
The Simpsons
"- No, I mean it. - [ Laughing Continues ]"
The Simpsons
"You won't see me here again, ever!"
The Simpsons
"Wait. That ain't funny. He's my best customer."
The Simpsons
"Well, the handwriting's on the wall."
The Simpsons
"To stay afloat, this bar is gonna have to go queer."
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"Wrong again, Gay Guide to Springfield."
The Simpsons
"Farewell, my longneck friends."
The Simpsons
"[ Grunts ]"
The Simpsons
"All right, world."
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"Get ready to meet the clean and sober Barney Gumble."
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"Whee! Give me a beer."
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"I knew you'd be back."
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"Barney, didn't you say you were going to stop drinking?"
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"I know, but it's so hard! Please help me, Homer."
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"You came to the right guy. I'll straighten you out... right after I finish this beer."
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"- Mmm. [ Gulping ] - Ohh."
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"- Mmm. - Ohh."
The Simpsons
"[ Mumbling ] Oh, man, that's sweet."
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"Okay, let's go."
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"My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic."
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"I feel for you, pally, but, uh, you want A.A. This is Triple ''A.''"
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"Oh. My name is Homer, and I'm planning a trip to Saint Louis."
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"[ Chattering ]"
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"Uh, welcome back, Homer."
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"I see you finally hit rock bottom."
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"[ Raspberries ] Not a chance. I can sink way lower."
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"I just came to help my friend Barney."
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"To keep ourselves sober, and to network. So let's get started."
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"Well, after I lost my third job in two days..."
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"old Gil was in a pit of despair."
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"Oh, no, I never touch the stuff. But you don't have to be drunk to know the value of Amway."
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"- [ Gasping ] - Now, this is used crankcase oil..."
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"which you ladies know is murder to clean up,you know?"
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"And company's coming-"
The Simpsons
"Oh! You're doing this at the worst possible time. Oh, your finger's in my eye!"
The Simpsons
"I have a problem with alcohol and I need help."
The Simpsons
"And we promise you all the sugar cookies and secondhand smoke you can handle."
The Simpsons
"These sugar cookies you speak of..."
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"are they real or symbolic?"
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"They're on that table over there."
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"Oh, I don't wanna walk that far."
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"Get it? Huh? Twelve? [ Laughs ]"
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"Steps? [ Giggles ]"
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"Hey, how did I get out here?"
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"- Did Ga Ga just say ''Hurt everyone''? - [ Laughs ] Ga Ga- Cute name."
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"Send us your snapshots, and if we select yours, you win a fabulous mystery prize."
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"To enter, send your film to this address."
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"Too quick? Try again."
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"Did you get it? Here it is."
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"Coming in from the left. Don't delay. Do it today!"
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"- You think we should enter? - Well, it shouldn't be too hard to beat the old photo."
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"[ Bart ] Ugh."
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"- Hmm. - It's gotta be here somewhere."
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"Hey, here's a camera."
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"And it's still got a roll of film in it."
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"- Bart, we need that to win the contest. - Win the what now?"
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"[ No Audible Dialogue ]"
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"[ Inhales, Exhales ] Here goes."
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"So he's so busy worrying about the front rotor, he walks right into the back one."
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"Only in this business."
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"I'd like to sign up for helicopter lessons."
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"Sorry, pal, but it takes a special kind of man to pilot these birds."
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"- I got a coupon. - Okay, get in."
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"He made so many darn mistakes..."
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"we were just laughin' at him."
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"- Great singer though. - Oh, absolutely."
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"Anyway, we're nice and level now."
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"How would you like to take the controls?"
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"- You think I'm ready? - Sure, I do."
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"One sec. Testing, black box. One, two."
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"[ Screaming ]"
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"She's all yours, friend."
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"[ Grunting ]"
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"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa."
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"Whoa. Hey, I think I'm gettin' it!"
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"Yes, that's great."
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"Now let's just pull ourselves out of this tailspin here."
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"[ Grunting ]"
The Simpsons
"Whoo. Oh, I'm sorry about that."
The Simpsons
"It's okay. That's what the diapers are for."
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"Now when the mama bird returns to feed her babies we'll have a prize-winning picture."
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"Lisa, people these days don't wanna see a baby bird."
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"They wanna see celebrities at their worst."
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"[ Bell Dings ]"
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"- Mmm. Mmm. - Is that Rainier Wolfcastle?"
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"- Check out the gut. - It's for a movie."
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"I'm playing a fat secret agent. Mmm. Mmm."
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"Hey, Homer. Uh, no, no, no. Don't sit there."
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"Take this seat- right next to the tap."
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"But that's Barney's seat."
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"Are you trying to make me the new Barney?"
The Simpsons
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