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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Judy Collins (S02E02)

"...Pigs in Space!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I just want it known"
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"that, following that last piece of material,"
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"I am disassociating myself"
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"from this whole weird, sick show."
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"Where do I go?"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, at this time,"
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"we have a very special... uh... uh..."
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"I'm trying to make an introduction."
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"Oh, go right ahead, I'm just checking the floor."
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"Scooter, make a note, some of these boards are rotten."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That's too bad."
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"If you dried your flippers before you came out here,"
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"this wouldn't happen."
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"Um, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Collins."
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"[applause]"
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"[♪ I Know an Old Lady ]"
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"[laughing]"
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"[applause]"
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"How very dumb, to swallow your gum."
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"Here is a Muppet news flash."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yeah, well, I'm tearing the theater down, putting in a junkyard."
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"- Hmm, yeah, 'course I will. - [gasps]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, I had no idea that someone so rich could be so good-looking."
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"Listen, I don't want excuses. Just get the widow's wheelchair."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hello, my name is Miss Piggy,"
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"the singing star of The Muppet Show."
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"Well, sue then."
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"I, uh, wonder, would you like to hear me sing?"
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"Oh, all right. [clears throat]"
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"Call you? What for? No money in hog-calling."
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"Well, call this, cigar breath! Hiyah!"
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"For a second there, I thought somebody was gonna get hurt around here."
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"[groans]"
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"[♪ I Talk to the Trees ]"
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"I'm not listening to any more of this!"
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"Yeah, let's leaf."
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"Oh, boy."
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"Ah, that turkey talks ragtime."
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"Blah, blah, blah!"
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"This is Kermit the Frog speaking to you from the planet Koozebane,"
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"and I am interviewing a most unfortunate creature,"
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"the Koozbanian Phoob."
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"As a matter of fact, I'm pleased to be anywhere."
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"I can believe that because, folks, the Phoob is known"
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"as the most delicious creature on Koozebane."
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"True. We have a saying on this world:"
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""I never met a Phoob I didn't like, especially with mushroom gravy.""
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"I suppose this tends to hold down the Phoob population pretty effectively."
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"Not really. Actually, my species is flourishing."
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"Really? How do you manage that?"
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"Evolution."
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"I... I don't think I understand."
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"We Phoobs tend to evolve rather faster than most creatures."
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"Mm-hmm. Well, what do you evolve into?"
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"Oh, you know. Whatever's handy."
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"I... I beg your pardon?"
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"Say, are... are you changing?"
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"Evolving. Evolving is the accurate term."
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"Yeah, but... but you're starting to look familiar."
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"I should certainly hope so."
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"This... this is very weird."
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"Good grief! Even your clothes are the same!"
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"It's called the survival of the trench-coated."
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"- I'm Kermit the Frog! - I am!"
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"- I am! - [both grunting]"
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"You can't do that!"
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"Will you stop?!"
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"I'm the real Kermit, folks."
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"Wonderful! Very funny! Eh, Waldorf?"
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"I wonder where he went."
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"He was here a minute ago,"
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"watching the Phoob and falling down laughing."
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"I'm still falling, but I've stopped laughing. [groans]"
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"Uh, Mr. Statler,"
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"there aren't too many people on this show I like to talk to."
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"- Well, I can understand that. - Mm."
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"They're kind of weird."
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"- Weird is too nice a word. - Mm, mm."
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"But you and your friend seem to be very distinguished gentlemen."
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"Oh, uh, I don't know. He must have stepped out for a minute."
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"Stepped out is right. Hey, give me a hand, huh?"
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"Well, I'm sure he didn't go far."
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"Yeah, he's probably hanging around somewhere."
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"Mr. Statler, what I find hard to understand"
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"is why you come here every night."
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"But there are many better places to go"
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"than... than this freak show."
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"- Help. Help! - Mm."
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"- Never go to the opera. - Help!"
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"Can't stand all that screaming and yelling."
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"Help!"
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"You just don't understand opera."
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"Oh, I understand it all right."
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"I just hate it. I'd rather go to a public hanging."
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"You are at a public hanging. Pull me up."
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"Does your friend Waldorf feel as strongly as you?"
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"I don't have any feeling at all. My hand is numb."
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"I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"
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"Maybe I will. I will drop by later."
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"I'm gonna drop right now if somebody doesn't help me."
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"But... but wherever he is, it's good to know"
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"to provide dignity and decency."
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"- [yelling] - [crashing]"
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"[playing piano]"
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"[applause]"
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"Hey, thank you, Judy. I really want to thank you for wanting"
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"to play this number with me. I'm just honored."
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"Oh, it's a pleasure for me, Rowlf. Thank you."
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"What is that you're playing right now?"
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"Oh, these are just finger exercises."
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"I play them to warm up before I play."
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"Really?"
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"- What do you do to warm up? - Oh, I chase cars."
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"Oh, dear, I'd much rather play finger exercises."
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"When I was a kid, I used to play these"
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"and put a book up in front of me and read while I practiced."
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"Oh... I guess that's easy for you."
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"But, you know, it's tough to play the piano and chase cars at the same time."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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