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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Lefty Call (S06E06)

"YOU KNOW, HAVING TO TALK ABOUT MY STOOL,"
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"HOW OFTEN I'M URINATING. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, MY EAR HURTS."
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"OKAY, HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA SUGGEST FOR YOUR EAR:"
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"YOU JUST BASICALLY STAY OFF IT."
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"USE YOUR LEFT EAR TO TALK ON THE PHONE"
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"IF YOU NEED TO FOR SOME REASON FAVOR AN EAR, FAVOR THE LEFT ONE."
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"DON'T USE THE PHONE FROM MY RIGHT EAR?"
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"YEAH. I MEAN, YOU JUST WANT TO LIMIT"
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"THE AMOUNT OF NOISE THAT GOES INTO IT."
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"YOU WANT ME TO TALK LEFTY?"
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"YEAH, JUST TALK LEFTY."
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"I HAVE A HARD TIME TALKING LEFTY ON THE PHONE."
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"EVERYTHING COMES OUT WRONG. IT'S LIKE THROWING LEFTY. I CAN'T DO IT."
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"I'M NOT MYSELF. I FEEL DIFFERENT, STRANGE, LIKE I'M NOT ME."
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"I'M NOT COMFORTABLE TALKING LEFTY."
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"ALL I CAN DO IS GIVE YOU MY EXPERT OPINION, OKAY?"
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"SO THAT'S WHAT I'M SUGGESTING. I'M SUGGESTING YOU STAY OFF THE RIGHT EAR."
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"OKAY, FINE. I'LL TALK LEFTY."
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"AND I ALSO THINK IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU"
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"TO TALK TO A THERAPIST ABOUT YOUR BATHROOM ISSUES,"
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"ALL RIGHT. THAT'S YOUR RIGHT. FINE."
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"IS THERE SOMEBODY IN THE OFFICE I COULD SEE?"
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"NOW?"
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"NO NO, YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT."
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"OKAY, FINE."
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"THANK YOU."
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"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, JEWBOY?"
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"FUCKING FAGGOT."
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"- HEY. - COME ON, LET'S DEAL WITH IT."
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"- CAN WE TALK TO YOU? - WHAT? WOW. HEY HEY."
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"- I LIKE CHERYL. SHE'S SWEET, BUT... - YEAH."
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"SHE'S NICE, BUT THE TOILET PAPER..."
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"I'VE NEVER SEEN NO TOILET PAPER LIKE THAT."
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"- THE PORT AUTHORITY IN NEW YORK CITY? - YEAH."
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"THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE."
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"- YEAH. - Y'ALL GOT SOME FUNNY KIND OF TOILET PAPER HERE."
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"- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S ROUGH. - IT'S ROUGH."
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"WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S AN ENVIRONMENTAL THING."
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"SHE'S DOING IT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. WHAT CAN I DO?"
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"CAN YOU DO US A FAVOR? CAN WE GET SOME SOFT TOILET PAPER TO USE?"
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"- ALL RIGHT, OKAY. - Auntie Rae: THE BABIES' BEHINDS ARE HURTING."
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"ALL RIGHT."
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"HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA SUGGEST:"
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"- YOU WANT SOFT PAPER? - OH, YES. NO DOUBT."
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"- I'LL GET YOU YOUR SOFT TOILET PAPER... - OKAY, COOL."
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"...UNDER ONE CONDITION--"
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"YOU WANT TO COME IN OUR BATHROOM AND USE OUR BATHROOM?"
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"YOU GOT IT."
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"- IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TISSUE. - OKAY, YOU HAVE A DEAL."
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"- AUNTIE RAE, ALL RIGHT. - DEAL."
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"- MY MAN. - LEON. OH, HEY, BY THE WAY,"
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"IF CHERYL FINDS OUT,"
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"YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN WITH ME."
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"- WE GOT YOUR BACK. - WE GOT YOUR BACK."
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"- COOL. - WHAT IT IS WHAT IT IS."
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"WHAT'S GOING DOWN, LARRY?"
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"LISTEN TO THIS, ALL RIGHT?"
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"THERE'S A GUY SITTING THERE, A SKINHEAD, OKAY?"
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""WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, JEWBOY?""
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"- WHAT? - "FUCKING FAGGOT.""
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"WHAT? OKAY, WHAT'D YOU DO?"
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"- WHAT'D I DO? - YEAH, WHAT'D YOU DO?"
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"YOU SLUNK OUT?"
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"SLUNK. I SLUNK OUT."
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"SO YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT AND YOU PUNKED OUT."
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"- HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? - WELL, WHAT WAS I GONNA DO?"
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"YOU GET IN THAT ASS, LARRY. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"
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"YOU GET IN THAT ASS, LARRY. THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK YOU DO."
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"- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - YOU LET THAT MAN SLIDE TODAY."
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"YOU GOTTA IMMEDIATELY GET IN SOMEBODY'S ASS WHEN THAT HAPPENS TO YOU."
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"YOU PULL THEIR ASSHOLE OPEN,"
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""LARRY WAS HERE," "WASH ME," ALL THAT KIND OF SHIT,"
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"BALL THE PAPER UP, THE NEWSPAPER, AND THROW THE NEWSPAPER ON THE FLOOR,"
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"FUCK HIS WHOLE ASSHOLE UP, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?"
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"THEN YOU OPEN THAT ASSHOLE ONE MORE TIME--"
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"OPEN IT AGAIN, OPEN THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN- UHH!"
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"STEP OUT OF HIS ASS AND LEAVE THAT MOTHERFUCKER WIDE OPEN,"
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"- SO HE KNOWS YOU'VE BEEN THERE. - OPEN IT UP,"
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"- STEP IN. - STEP IN THEIR ASSHOLE."
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"- SPRAY-PAINT "LARRY WAS HERE." - "LARRY WAS HERE.""
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"- LEAVE GARBAGE, SNICKERS, EAT SNICKERS, LEAVE GARBAGE. - SPIT, FUCK IT."
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"- GET OUT. - MM!"
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"- STEP OUT. - DON'T EVEN CLOSE THAT MOTHERFUCKER."
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"- YOU FEEL ME? - I GOT YOU."
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"THAT'S HOW YOU HANDLE PEOPLE."
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"MM! GET IN THAT ASS, LARRY."
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"( line ringing )"
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"( huffing )"
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"- HELLO? - HEY, IS RICHARD THERE?"
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"UH, NO, HE'S NOT. IS THIS LARRY?"
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"YEAH."
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"- This is Cha Cha. - AH."
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"- ( chuckles ) - CHA CHA."
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"HI, LARRY. YOU JUST CAUGHT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORKOUT."
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"SO I'M CALLING ABOUT THE MOVIES."
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"Yeah, the movies, right."
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"YOU KNOW, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT-- WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT"
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"if we could all go to a really nice dinner"
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"in one of those fancy-schmancy joints?"
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"OKAY, I'LL TELL-- I'LL TELL CHERYL."
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"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"
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"WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW?"
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"YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"
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"YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE, LARRY."
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"( groaning )"
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"- ( moaning ) - I'M GONNA HANG UP RIGHT NOW."
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"I'M GONNA HANG UP RIGHT NOW."
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"I AM LOVING THIS PLACE. JEFF, HOW GREAT IS THIS PLACE?"
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"IT'S LIKE MY OLD BARBERSHOP IN BROOKLYN."
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"YEAH, REMINDS ME OF THE OLD DAYS, YOU KNOW."
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"I THINK I CAN DO IT TOO. IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT HARD."
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"YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE THE BONGOS-- WHO CAN'T DO THAT?"
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"- ( laughs ) - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"
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"- YEAH. - ANYBODY CAN PLAY THE BONGOS, COME ON."
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"DO YOU HAVE TO BE THAT SKILLED TO BANG ON SOMETHING?"
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"- COME ON, HOW HARD IS THAT? - I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT."
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"WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW BERT?"
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"THE OTHER DAY, HIM AND BARBARA."
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"YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT THEM?"
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"NO."
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