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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Lefty Call (S06E06)

"WELL, I'M GIVING THIS TO THE DOG. YOU'RE NOT."
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"SO JUST WRAP IT UP. I'LL GIVE IT TO THE DOG."
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"NO, THAT IS THE POLICY OF THE RESTAURANT."
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"WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT A GODDAMN DOGGY BAG, HUH?"
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"GO TO PETCO AND GET A BAG OF KIBBLE?"
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"WELL, I GIVE HIM KIBBLE AND I LIKE TO SPICE IT UP"
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"- HEY HEY HEY. - WHAT?"
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"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA TAKE THAT HOME."
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"- Susie: OH, OKAY. - DO YOU MIND? DO YOU MIND?"
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"- YOU TAKE IT HOME. - DAVIDAY, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS HOME."
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"- DO YOU HAVE AN ANIMAL? - NO."
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"- DOES HE HAVE AN ANIMAL? - NO."
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"SO YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THAT?"
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"YES."
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"- YOU PROMISE ME? - YEAH."
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"WE SHALL SEE."
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"- Jeff: IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. - THANK YOU. THANK YOU."
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"HEY, LARRY. LONG TIME NO SEE."
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"- HEY, CHA CHA. - HEY."
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"- HAVE YOU HAD THE FRUIT PLATE HERE? - NO."
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"- YOU HAVE TO TRY IT. TASTE THIS. - NO, PLEASE."
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"- IT'S THE RIPEST CANTALOUPE. - I'VE HAD FRUIT. FRUIT'S FRUIT PRETTY MUCH."
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"WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH?"
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"CHICKEN AND FRUIT GO TOGETHER. YOU CAN HAVE THIS FOR DESSERT."
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"- OKAY, I GOTTA-- - IT'S REALLY REALLY GOOD."
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"MM, THAT TIME AGAIN, HUH?"
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"LISTEN, I HAD AN IDEA. I WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE TOMORROW NIGHT"
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"AND MAYBE-- IT'S BEEN A WHILE-- LET'S DOUBLE-DATE,"
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"WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
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"- UH... - WHY THE HESITATION?"
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"I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT OUR PLANS ARE."
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"YOU KNOW, I GOT CHA CHA THIS JOB AND ALL..."
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"I GOTTA TELL YOU."
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"HER OFFICE IS RIGHT ACROSS FROM THE BATHROOM."
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"- YEAH, I KNOW. - EVERY TIME I GO TO THE BATHROOM"
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"I HAVE TO HAVE THIS-- STOP AND CHAT WITH HER"
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"BOTH BEFORE I GO AND AFTER I GO. IT'S TOO MUCH."
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"SHE MEANS WELL. BY THE WAY, SHE'S TOLD ME"
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"THAT YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM, LIKE, 10 TO 14 TIMES A DAY."
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"YOU MOVE YOUR BOWELS, YOU PISS..."
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"ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SHE WAS CONCERNED."
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"OKAY, DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?"
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"HOW OFTEN I GO TO THE BATHROOM,"
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"WHAT I'M DOING IN THERE, HOW LONG I'M IN THERE."
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"TALKING TO YOU ABOUT MY PERSONAL BATHROOM HABITS--"
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"THAT'S NOT GOOD, ALL RIGHT? IT'S TOO MUCH. IT'S TOO MUCH."
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"SOMEONE'S GOT TO SIT THERE. WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE A KLANSMAN SITTING THERE?"
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"WHO I DON'T HAVE TO REPORT INTO."
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"SHE HAS BOWEL CONCERN FOR YOU AND I DO TOO."
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"I DON'T NEED HER BOWEL CONCERN."
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"- HOW MUCH WATER DO YOU DRINK? - I DRINK A LOT OF WATER, THAT'S ALL."
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"- BIG DEAL. - A LOT OF WATER? YOU DRINK MORE THAN A PORPOISE."
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"- I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. - NO ONE PISSES THAT OFTEN"
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"WITHOUT DRINKING, LIKE, THOUSANDS OF GALLONS A WEEK."
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"OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS."
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"ALL RIGHT, I WON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. FINE."
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"YOU DON'T NEED TO CARE ABOUT-- I'M IN VERY GOOD HEALTH."
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"- YOU ARE? - I GOT A BEAUTIFUL COLON."
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"- YOU WANNA TAKE A PICTURE OF MY COLON? - I HAVE A VHS OF MINE."
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"FINE. YOU CAN PUT MY COLON UP NEXT TO YOUR COLON."
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"WE'LL SEE WHO'S GOT A CLEANER, HEALTHIER COLON."
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"I'LL HAVE A COLON CONTEST WITH YOU ANY TIME YOU WANT."
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"ANY TIME YOU WANT TO HAVE A COLON CONTEST, BUDDY, YEAH."
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"YOU'RE SHITTING AND PISSING ALMOST 70 TIMES A WEEK."
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"I DON'T WANT HER MONITORING"
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"MY BATHROOM HABITS, OKAY?"
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"WHAT ARE YOU EATING? A LOT OF GRAINS"
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"AND FRUIT AND NUTS LIKE A JEW SQUIRREL?"
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"- OKAY. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
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"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM AGAIN?"
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"I BET YOU ARE GOING TO THE BATHROOM."
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"I FLUSHED A TOILET AND IT WAS, LIKE,"
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"THE LOUDEST FLUSH, LIKE A SONIC BOOM WENT OFF."
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"- IT JUST WAS SO LOUD THAT I WAS THROWN BACK. - REALLY?"
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"I WAS TRAPPED INSIDE THE STALL"
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"AND I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S KILLING ME."
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"- RIGHT EAR, YEAH. - RIGHT EAR, OKAY."
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"LET ME JUST ASK YOU A COUPLE OTHER QUESTIONS."
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"ARE YOU EXPERIENCING ANY DIZZINESS?"
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"- ANY SHORTNESS OF BREATH? - NO."
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"- ACHES AND PAINS ANYWHERE ELSE? - NO."
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"ARE YOU GOING TO THE BATHROOM A LOT?"
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"I DON'T SEE HOW THAT'S RELEVANT, REALLY--"
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"AM I GOING TO THE BATHROOM A LOT."
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"ARE YOU URINATING A LOT?"
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"THIS IS A STANDARD MEDICAL QUESTION. IT'S ALL--"
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"TO HOW OFTEN I GO TO THE BATHROOM."
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"WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I THINK I'M THE ONE"
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"WHO SHOULD TELL YOU IF IT'S RELEVANT OR NOT. AND IT IS."
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"WELL, LET'S JUST SAY-- LET'S JUST MOVE ON. HOW ABOUT THAT?"
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"WHAT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME ABOUT YOUR URINATION?"
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"I'D REALLY RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT."
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"I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S ANYBODY'S BUSINESS, FRANKLY, YOU KNOW."
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"WE'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE A DIAGNOSIS WITHOUT THIS INFORMATION."
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"I'M NORMAL. LET'S JUST SAY THAT, OKAY?"
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"- WHAT DOES "NORMAL" MEAN? - EVERYTHING'S NORMAL. IT'S NORMAL."
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"THREE TIMES A DAY, FOUR TIMES A DAY?"
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"- YEAH, IT'S SCIENCE. - HOWEVER OFTEN PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO GO, I GO,"
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"UNLESS I DRINK A LOT OF WATER. AND, YOU KNOW,"
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"SOMETIMES I DRINK A LOT OF WATER AND I'LL GO A LOT."
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"IF YOU HAD AN OFFICE NEXT TO THE BATHROOM AND IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS"
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"BUT SO WHAT? SO WHAT?"
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"- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - I'M TALKING ABOUT,"
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"YOU KNOW, URINATION FREQUENCY"
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"IF I HAPPEN TO BE DRINKING A LOT OF WATER,"
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"I'VE BEEN GOING MORE OFTEN THAN I NORMALLY WOULD."
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"TO DRINK WATER. THAT'S A GOOD THING."
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"YES, SURE SURE. OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON."
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"PLEASE."
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"HOW'S YOUR STOOL?"
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"I MEAN, IF I DO DRINK A LOT OF WATER,"
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"AND I EAT A LOT OF SALAD TOO. SO THAT'S GOOD."
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"IT'S NORMAL, OKAY? IS IT MORE THAN ONCE A DAY?"
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"SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW. WHO KNOWS?"
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"IF YOU HAD AN OFFICE NEXT TO THE BATHROOM AND I WAS GOING"
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"AND YOU LOOKED AT YOUR WATCH AND YOU SAW HOW LONG I WAS IN THERE,"
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"YOU MIGHT SAY, "OH, BOY, HE GOES A LOT.""
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"BUT SO WHAT? THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S A GOOD THING."
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"- ALL RIGHT, I APOLOGIZE FOR-- - LET'S JUST-- CAN WE GET TO THE EAR?"
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"I'M EXHAUSTED FROM BEING HERE,"
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