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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Portrait (S03E03)

"But I'm excited for this trip now."
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"It's gonna be a real eat, prey, love kind journey for me."
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"What do you mean? You're gonna pray?"
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"Well, how am I gonna eat if I don't prey on people, dummy?"
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"Now, you must travel by railway and always at night."
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"It's the only way to stay safe."
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"Plus, it's usually much cheaper."
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"NANDOR: Oh, I'm so excited."
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"I cannot wait to see all the wonders of the world."
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"The Colossus of Rhodes."
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"The Hanging Gardens of Babylon."
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"The beautiful unmarred face of the Sphinx."
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"Ah, cheers to that!"
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"-[bell ringing] - We should finish our portrait. - DONAL: Come on, everybody!"
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"- Shall we? - Absolutely."
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"And there are so many"
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"wonderful vampire hosts"
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"- I can hook you up with. - Oh, please."
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"DONAL: You know, you spend your whole life wanting"
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"We were at Steiner Studios."
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"And then you find yourself so far from your family,"
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"- it gets kind of lonely. - I have to say something."
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"- I'm sorry, Donal Logue. - Quite all right."
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"I know that we're all a little bit shaken up"
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"- by the death of Colin Robinson. - LASZLO: Speak for yourself."
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"I'm as dry as a nun's doodah."
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"GUILLERMO: Well, regardless, we have to remember"
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"that there's the family that you're born into,"
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"and then there's your chosen family."
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"That's what we are."
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"We're a chosen family, and it's a rare thing..."
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"I've been offered a job in England,"
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"- and I want to move there! - Whoo-hoo!"
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"- Over my dead body. -[both gasp]"
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"Well, it seems everyone's getting into it now."
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"I have decided to leave the island of Staten,"
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"travel the world and rediscover my groove."
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"- You are so selfish, Laszlo! - DOLL NADJA: She's right."
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"I made a vow never to return to that cack house"
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"ever, ever again."
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"- But why? - You know why."
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"- The British are a pack of classist wankers. - BARON: Here, here."
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"And those fuckers expelled me"
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"- from the Sherwood... - From the Sherwood Club."
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"Yes, I know. You have told me so many times."
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"Yeah, I've told you so many times,"
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"but I've never told you why."
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"And now I will."
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"I always thought it was because of"
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"all the whores and the whoring."
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"They don't give a fuck about"
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"whores and whoring, my darling."
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"They didn't even care that I was a vampire."
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"What they did object to, however, was the fact"
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"that I fell in love and eventually married"
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"the most beautiful, simple girl."
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"A girl with no surname,"
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"no social standing."
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"They actually called her a peasant girl."
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"A girl from a tiny village on a dirt island"
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"in the Mediterranean."
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"That girl is the most beautiful girl"
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"I have ever known."
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"That girl's name-- yes, my darling--"
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"- Is my name? - Is your name. Nadja."
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"- Oh, snap. - Snap, indeed, Donal."
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"But, my dark baby,"
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"I will be returning to England to assume a position"
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"on the Supreme Vampiric Council."
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"Wait, what?"
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"We would be going back as the tip of the tops"
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"of the upper classes."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"Well, that changes pretty much fucking everything."
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"- Count me in. -[Nadja shrieks, laughs] - GUILLERMO: No, no, Laszlo,"
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"You made a lifelong vow to never go back"
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"- to that shithole, remember? - Didn't you hear what she just said?"
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"We're gonna rule the fucking place."
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"Rule Britannia!"
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"[laughing, cheering]"
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"- Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Now I'm ready."
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"Now I am ready."
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"- So romantic. Great! - NADJA: Oh, yeah, get some."
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"It is decided, we will all move on from this place"
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"- and regroup elsewhere. - Yes. Whoo-hoo!"
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"I think we should all just take a second, breathe."
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"You know, just take a deep breath."
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"And, I mean, the portrait's not even done, so we could..."
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"- DONAL: No, it's almost done. - What?"
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"And that's that."
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"So, you're all free to go about doing"
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"whatever the hell it was you were doing before."
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"Plus, I just got a text from my agent"
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"that I have to do a self-tape for a CBS pilot,"
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"so Logue out."
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"[sighs] Always a drama with this little rascal."
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"I will fix."
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"You know, usually when someone is upset,"
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"they go to their own room,"
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"but I understand why you would come to my room,"
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"as it is a far superior room to yours."
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"Which probably makes you feel even more depressed."
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"- Is this your attempt at cheering me up? - Guillermo..."
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"You want us to go through this one more time? Hmm?"
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"It is a very dangerous world out there."
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"You're joking, right? It's me who's been protecting you!"
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"If it wasn't for me, you would be dead by now."
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"If not by assassins then by my very own hands"
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"because I am, and I will remind you,"
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"by birth and lineage, a vampire killer."
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"And the only reason you're alive is because..."
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"I let you live."
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"What did you just say?"
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"I said, the only reason you're alive"
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"is because I"
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"let you live."
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"[chuckles]"
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"My poor, dear thing."
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"You forgot that we hypnotized you"
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"to make it physically impossible for you to harm me"
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