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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Jaye P. Morgan (S02E02)

"- We've already decided what. - What?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[gulps]"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Are you out of your mind?!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[stammers]"
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"No hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"No hard feelings! Why you... Aah!"
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"Au revoir, fatso."
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"Fatso this. Hiyah!"
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"...Pigs In Space!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[man] Here is a Muppet news flash."
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"A charter flight carrying the London Symphony Orchestra"
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"has been forced to jettison some of the musical instruments."
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"Well, Uncle J.P., sir,"
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"I think you'll find that things around your theater"
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"are just the same as last time you came."
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"That bad, huh?"
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"Well, I'll just have a look around."
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"I believe in giving the frog a fair trial before I throw him out."
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"But, sir, uh..."
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"- Hey, Kermit? - Hmm?"
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"I think you should know my Uncle J.P. Grosse,"
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"the man who owns this theater,"
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"Of all the people I can't stand to have while we do the show,"
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"J.P. is the worst!"
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"I mean, J.P. is without a doubt the most difficult, impossible"
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"- unfriendly... - Uh, uh, oh..."
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"Oh, hi, Jaye P."
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"[stammers] Jaye P.!"
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"Uh, when I said J.P., just now, I didn't mean Jaye P., I meant J.P."
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"- You know what I mean? - No."
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"- [clears throat] Uh, right. - Wrong."
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"Oh, you see, I love having you on the show,"
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"but J.P. Grosse, the man who owns this theater, is the meanest,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"stingiest, most heartless person I know."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[clears throat]"
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"I think I just put both feet in my mouth."
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"Ladies and gentlemen,"
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"today I talk to you of crime."
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"A matter of utmost urgency."
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"We must all be forever on our guard"
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"against this rising wave of banditry."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yes, yes, banditry and skullduggery..."
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"...or our entire universe"
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"My friends..."
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"My friends, I... I caution you"
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"to keep out an eagle eye"
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"for the blackguards and rapscallions"
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"who are perpetrating this"
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"reign of latrociny."
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"Latrociny, that means stealing."
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"What, if it weren't for my own eternal vigilance,"
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"and... and... and... and absolute awareness of crime,"
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"I'm certain that the rising legions"
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"of sneak thieves and ne'er-do-wells,"
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"and... and snakes in the grasses would strip this theater..."
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"...bare."
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"Uh, now, remember..."
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"Wait a minute!"
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"I now realize television has one major advantage"
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"over a live stage show."
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"Huh? What's that?"
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"A television, you can turn off."
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"- Hey, Kermit! - You guys better return that eagle!"
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"In about 30 days... or more."
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"- Hey, chief? - Hmm?"
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"- What's the closing number? - A song with Jaye P."
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"It's a perfect song for Jaye P. That Old Black Magic."
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"Uh, if the price is right, I'll do it!"
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"Always wanted to sing."
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"Oh, boy. Having two J.P.s around is really rough."
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"Glad you recognize talent, kid."
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"Maybe I'll let you keep the theater."
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"Now, let's talk about the singing contract."
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"[stammers] Well, you see, J.P.,"
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"I'd love for you to sing and I'm sure you've got a swell singing voice,"
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"Yeah, well."
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"Go introduce Jaye P. Morgan while I handle this."
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"- Uh, now, um... - All right, where do I sign?"
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"[stammers]"
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"Oh, boy."
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"Miss Jaye P. Morgan, with That Old Black Magic."
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"[♪ That Old Black Magic]"
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"We started this some time ago and it has to end someplace,"
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"so this must be the place."
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"But before we go, let us have a warm thank you"
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"for our very special guest star,"
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"ladies and gentlemen, Jaye P. Morgan, yay!"
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"Thank you. Kermit, it was, oh..."
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"You know, I've been blown up, beaten up, insulted."
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"Everything's happened to me, but I've had a great time. I mean it."
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"Oh, well, it tends to be like that around here."
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"[stammers]"
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"I'd like to dedicate this to the boys"
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"at the J.P. Grosse Collection Agency,"
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"♪ Give me that money Can't get enough... ♪"
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"See you next time on The Muppet Show!"
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"I wonder if anybody watches this show besides us."
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"Besides me."
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"Jaye P. Morgan, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Morgan."
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"This is not going to be just another cute puppet show."
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"[drumroll]"
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"Tweedlee tweedlee dee? What am I doing here?"
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"I mean, this is really corny."
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"Ooh-wee, you are one cute bird, Jaye P."
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"- What're you gonna ask me to do next? - Modulate, Jaye P., modulate."
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"...cut the coconut."
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"[humming]"
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"Oh, wait just a minute."
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"Hey. I didn't know you could play the piano."
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"We can't. It's really lost, it fell off."
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"How much weight will we have to toss overboard?"
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"You can say that again."
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"- [Link grunting] - [Piggy shouting]"
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"is making another inspection."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, here is one of the really super ladies of song,"
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"And now, for my first song..."
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"- I thought it was funny. - This is the worst."
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"I mean, anything can blow up."
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"- [branches rustling] - Dumb."
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"- Fozzie, go introduce the next number. - Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes."
The Muppet Show (1976)
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