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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Egg Salad Equivalency (S06E06)

"Mm, I don't know, just having a good day."
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"This morning Sheldon fell asleep"
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"on the way to work, so I got to listen to the radio--"
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"Mm-hmm. Anything else?"
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"Mm. I found this quiz online"
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"called "Which Star Trek Character Are You?""
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"and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk."
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"(imitating William Shatner): Oh. It. Was."
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"Hmm. Well, I'm glad you're having such a great day."
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"Yeah."
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"is an evening with my special girl."
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"What do you mean?"
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"Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex."
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"Um, why would I mean Alex?"
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"Because I know she hit on you and I know you liked it!"
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"Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally!"
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"I'm missing something."
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"Did you say something to Penny about Alex?"
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"All she did was get mad at you."
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"Why would you do that?"
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"I needed advice about a woman."
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"but if the last few years have proven anything,"
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"it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle."
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"(electronic tones sounding) Good to know."
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"Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that,"
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"you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies."
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"Uh, what time?"
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"Very well, then."
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"Huh."
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"That was the Human Resources Department at the university."
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"Apparently, my assistant Alex has filed a complaint"
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"accusing me of inappropriate behavior in the workplace."
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"Oh, my God, what did you do?"
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"Hmm, let me think."
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"Nothing. I'm a delight."
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"Human Resources Department."
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"Human Resources Department."
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"Hello."
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"Thank you."
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"I called you in today because your assistant"
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"Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you."
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"So I've been told. But I can't understand"
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"what she has to complain about."
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"I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history."
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"in my mini-fridge, and that's for anyone."
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"Yeah, and just yesterday"
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"I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity"
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"Cancel my next appointment."
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"Dr. Cooper,"
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"that you just cannot say in the workplace."
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"Like what?"
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"Well, according to Ms. Jensen,"
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"you said that she was a slave to her biological urges"
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"and called her an "egg salad sandwich.""
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"but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it."
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"No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No."
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"I meant that all women"
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"are slaves to their biological urges,"
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"I'm a what?"
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"You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper."
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"Your language is entirely"
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"inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise"
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"that you shut your mouth right now."
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"I d... I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here."
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"You know, and Howard Wolowitz--"
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"building a six-breasted sex robot."
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"Oh,"
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"and at the office Christmas party,"
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"I heard Rajesh Koothrappali refer to you several times"
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"Wolowitz..."
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"and the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali?"
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"No, yeah, but in his defense, that wasn't racist."
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"He's also brown."
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"♪ Hit on me"
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"♪ Hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute. ♪"
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"(plucks closing chord)"
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"Oh, damn it, you are."
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"Please forgive me."
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"I should have told you about Alex."
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"I don't care about Alex."
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"I mean, do I need to be worried?"
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"Of course not. No. Why? Because..."
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"she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work,"
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"she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary"
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"to understand what you said."
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"You do that?"
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"Hang on. Are you feeling insecure?"
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"Because that's my thing, and if"
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"you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship."
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"Happy? No,"
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"I'm not happy."
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"I just never think of you having feelings like that."
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"Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex."
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"Good."
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"I'll tell you a secret?"
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"I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk. (laughs)"
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"Can I tell you a secret? Sure."
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"Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we're all gonna stop."
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"(phone ringing) Ah, excuse me."
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"Hello."
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"This is Dr. Hofstadter."
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"What did you do?"
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"I don't know."
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"to Human Resources."
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"Huh. That is so strange."
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"Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow."
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"Do you really think you should be drinking right now?"
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"How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady?"
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"I don't know. Seek professional help?"
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"Wait, you got called in, too?"
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"What is going on?"
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"Oh."
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"I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office."
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"From a sex swing!"
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"This may have been a mistake."
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"You know, before I met Bernadette"
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"I was in here every other day."
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"Uh, little tip:"
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"screwing around with Sheldon's assistant,"
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"none of this would be happening. I wasn't"
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