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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Egg Salad Equivalency (S06E06)

"Oh, I know-- I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet."
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"Well, most of Saturday's gonna be figuring out"
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"How about you?"
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"Oh, I'm gonna go see Kip Thorne give a lecture"
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"Well, if you want, you can come with me."
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"Ah, I'd love to, but I'm supposed to hang out with Penny."
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"Well, bring her."
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"Well, she's not really"
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"into that kind of stuff."
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"Yeah, okay."
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"Well, if you want to hear about the lecture,"
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"I can tell you all about it at work, or, you know,"
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"over dinner sometime."
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"What?"
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"♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪"
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"♪ The Earth began to cool"
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"Oh, come on, that can't be true."
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"I did the research-- Tony the Tiger,"
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"Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,"
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"Are we done with this?"
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"What's going on?"
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"Sheldon's assistant asked me"
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"You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks."
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"I talk with my eyes."
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"You look like my little cousin"
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"She knows I have a girlfriend."
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"Oh, my God. You're loving this."
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"I mean, I'm not gonna do anything about it."
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"I love Penny. It's just nice to have a young, attractive woman"
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"sniffing around the goods."
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"Aw, gentlemen."
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"What is on the conversational menu this morning?"
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"Your assistant is totally hitting on this jerk"
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"Well, that's not acceptable."
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"I'm her boss."
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"She needs to be solely focused on my needs,"
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"I'm androgynous?"
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"Oh, please. Look at you"
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"with your pouty bee-stung lips."
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"What do you guys think I should do?"
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"I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny,"
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"I provide her a shoulder to cry on,"
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"and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good."
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"I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice."
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"to each of you individually, but"
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"I believe my present situation"
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"requires the collective wisdom of the group,"
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"which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts"
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"I have dubbed"
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"What is happening?"
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"I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation."
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"Uh, to protect those involved,"
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"Who's involved?"
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"Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine"
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"who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate."
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"You're talking about Leonard."
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"No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair"
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"and, uh, he briefly served in the Mexican Navy."
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"Anyway, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend,"
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"Not... No. This is Tondelaya della Ventimiglia."
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"Wait, what the hell's going on"
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"with Leonard and Alex? (stutters) No,"
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"I'm sorry. Who's talking about Leonard and Alex?"
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"W..."
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"Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya."
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"Okay, look, it's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya."
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"It is really about her boss,"
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"who doesn't quite know"
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"how to handle this situation"
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"and could use your advice,"
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"which is surprising because Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm..."
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"She's right."
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"But say the word-- I got a lab full"
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"of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose."
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"Or her shower."
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"Ladies, ladies, please."
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"We're not here to talk about Penny, okay?"
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"We're here to talk about me."
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"Uh, I mean Einstein Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!"
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"All right, I guess the cat's out of the bag."
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"Let me explain what's"
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"going on-- Ricardo is really"
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"Well, what should I do?"
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"Well, Alex is your employee."
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"you should talk to her."
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"Oh, no, he's not uncomfortable at all."
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"No, he's loving it."
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"What... He's loving it?"
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"you need to talk to Alex right away."
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"Talk to her? That's all you've got?"
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"With a cool name like Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies,"
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"I really expected more."
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"check my schedule."
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"What does my afternoon look like? I think"
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"Oh, wait. Here's something at 4:00."
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"Is there a problem? Let's not"
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"call it a problem."
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"To solve a serious problem."
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"You don't know? Oh, you poor dear."
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"Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice"
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"into your brains you don't even know which way is up."
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"You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter."
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"I'm not unsympathetic"
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"to your plight."
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"is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day."
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"What?"
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"Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time."
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"please understand..."
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"because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint,"
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"you're a slave to your desire to reproduce."
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"when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest"
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"that you suppress it by leafing through"
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"this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases?"
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"Check out this oozy doozy."
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"So does this fellow,"
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"but he can't without it burning like hot soup."
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"(Leonard whistling)"
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"Oh, you seem extra happy."
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"Uh, I guess I am."
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"Any particular reason why?"
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