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Clips from Friends - The One with the Soap Opera Party (S09E09)

"-No reason. -No, no. Rachel?"
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"-Who do you want to fool around with? -Nobody! Forget it."
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"Because!"
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"-You wanna fool around with Joey? -Yeah."
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"l mean, what's the big deal? People do it all the time."
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"Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?"
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"Okay. Off the top of my head.... Don and Janet."
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"-Who are they? -l know them from work."
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"-Both of them? -No, just one of them."
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"l don't know. What were the names l just said?"
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"No, Rachel, things could get incredibly complicated."
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"All right. You're right. l won't do anything with Joey. l just thought it--"
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"Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and a red onion?"
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"What the hell are you cooking?"
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"...and l have to meet them here and show them around campus."
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"...wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches."
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"Ross?"
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"No."
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"Hi. Hi, l'm Ross Geller."
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"ls he gonna introduce us?"
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"...on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis."
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"Twenty bucks says they're married within the month."
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"Well, we should probably get going."
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"You know, we've got a lot of ground to cover."
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"lsn't another professor supposed to come with us?"
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"l don't think so."
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"l'm pretty sure. A Professor Spafford from Cornell?"
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"Well, he's obviously late, and the rule in my class is:"
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"lf you can't come on time, then don't come at all."
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"-Shall we? -We shouldn't wait for him?"
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"Listen, I forgot your address. Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye."
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"lt's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight."
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"l'd love to, but l gotta get up so early the next day."
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"Stupid Jan Rogers!"
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"-No. -Joey!"
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"Yeah."
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"How did you think you were gonna get away with that?"
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"You do that every year?!"
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"Last year is that why you sent us to that Medieval Times restaurant?"
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"You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people."
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"Well, then, so just invite me."
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"Please, l was trying to be nice. You're the worst one."
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"l'm going to a soap-opera roof party! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
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"There was a seafood buffet you wouldn't believe."
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"...and cracked crab..."
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"...and king crab."
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"lt's a pity l'm allergic to shellfish."
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"So where did you get your undergraduate degree?"
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"-And that's not all l'm allergic to. -Oh, it's not over."
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"l'm also allergic to peanuts and cashews..."
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"lnterestingly, no."
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"You're kind of playing it fast and loose with the word ''interesting.''"
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"lf you'll excuse me, l'm going to use the restroom."
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"Okay. Okay, fine, but l just have one question for you."
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"When we exit, should we walk or run..."
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"...or prance or stroll--?"
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"Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow, but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!"
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"-We actually managed to salvage the day. -Yeah, we did."
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"l'm so lucky it worked out you don't have class on Tuesday."
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"Right."
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"Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie."
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"Oh, okay. Now, what do you think..."
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"...of Renyard's new theory of species variegation in segmented arthropods?"
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"We have so much in common, and she's just cool, you know? And funny."
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"Hi!"
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"Really? What's wrong?"
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"l don't know. l think it's kind of serious."
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"You know, l was watching this thing on TV this morning..."
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"...about Newcastle disease, and l think l might have it."
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"l'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler. She's a colleague."
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"...but l'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease."
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"-Rachel, can l see you for a second? -Sure."
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"What? Yes, l am!"
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"Okay, then why are you all dressed up?"
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"No, l heard you before. That is so not what this is."
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"Okay, then what is this?"
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"Okay."
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"And he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you."
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"Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof!"
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"That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory."
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"And that horrible museum tour?"
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"Hey, you guys, l'm turning in. Have fun."
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"We know about your party, Joey."
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"Glad you could make it. Thanks for coming."
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"l love you!"
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"Just go get yourself a drink or something."
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"Why Don't You Like Me?"
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"Hey, Joey said no autographs."
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"But if she's getting one, l want one too!"
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"''To Monica.'' And none of this ''best wishes'' crap. l want ''love.''"
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"Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was giving me his phone number."
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"...l never would've gotten married!"
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"-lt was nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you."
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"Yeah, well, l guess l have forgotten about Joey."
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"Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!"
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"...and the next night, you're...."
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"So it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?"
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"Actually, l'm kind of happy to be leaving. l just broke up with someone."
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"Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard."
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"Actually, Albie is the guy l broke up with."
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"-You dated Albert Wintermeyer? -Yeah."
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"Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man."
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"You think? l mean, you dated the guy..."
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"...who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 1 0!"
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"...he had a lot of issues."
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"Oh, like what?"
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"Albie was seriously insecure."
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"A guy who won two."
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"No."
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"But there was my first boyfriend, Billy."
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"What a loser."
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"Some more wine?"
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"Hey, Ross. How's it going with Charlie?"
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"...l'm gonna blow my average-sized brains out."
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"l always loved that."
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"Of course you would! Your brains are smaller than mine!"
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"l can't compete with the guys she goes out with."
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"l did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians."
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"-Oh, you like that? -No."
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"Come on! l think that's funny!"
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