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Clips from Scrubs - My Bright Idea (S05E05)

"You went to Harvard. You have a wife who only has a pointer and thumb pinkie."
Scrubs
"You have a brother-dad, a mother-sister."
Scrubs
"You have two kids. Wait, one kid."
Scrubs
"You had a baby with a Chinese local. You're deaf-mute."
Scrubs
"Wait. You're a world-class hurdler"
Scrubs
"The people have spoken. Allow me to bask in the glow."
Scrubs
"- J.D., guess what? - Not now, Turk, I'm glow-basking."
Scrubs
"Dude, listen to me!"
Scrubs
"[Whooping]"
Scrubs
"She just went downstairs. What is all the excitement?"
Scrubs
"You tell him. No, you tell him."
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"We're having a baby."
Scrubs
"Red states be damned. You're gonna make great fathers."
Scrubs
"- What's going on? - My turn."
Scrubs
"- OK. Go ahead. - Carla? Prego!"
Scrubs
"[High-pitched] Oh, my God, Turk. Carla must be so happy."
Scrubs
"to tell his wife that she's pregnant?"
Scrubs
"Allow me to paint you a picture with my imagination brush. OK?"
Scrubs
"You two come out in the parking lot where Carla's friends have gathered."
Scrubs
"They're holding a banner that says, "Carla, you're pregnant and I dove you.""
Scrubs
"That's when I cue the bird wrangler who releases 500 white doves into the air."
Scrubs
"Where do they land? I don't know. But one thing Carla knows"
Scrubs
"is that in her uterus is a little, soft baby Turk."
Scrubs
"Are you forgetting what happened"
Scrubs
"This won't be indoors and there won't be people throwing birdseed."
Scrubs
"Why were people throwing seed?"
Scrubs
"a husband has ever pulled for his wife,"
Scrubs
"and you get credit for it the length of your entire marriage."
Scrubs
"I'll tell everybody. You find Carla. Dr. Cox..."
Scrubs
"Halt. I will be doing nothing."
Scrubs
"Well, you at least won't tell Carla, right?"
Scrubs
"Ever since I was blitzkrieged by an enraged German named Otto,"
Scrubs
"a certain Dr. Barbie no longer exists for me,"
Scrubs
"I wouldn't be able to hear and you'd have to repeat it."
Scrubs
"- Can you just please not tell Carla? - Fine."
Scrubs
"And Elliot, if you see Carla, don't get emotional."
Scrubs
"Oh! No problem."
Scrubs
"Really? Baby."
Scrubs
"The family wants me to do a hip surgery. What are they thinking? The guy's 92."
Scrubs
"He's their grandfather. It's not like he's a dog"
Scrubs
"and they can go to a kennel and pick out another one."
Scrubs
"We just got a lot of great new grandfathers in."
Scrubs
"OK. Ooh! Look at this one. He's so cute!"
Scrubs
"Hey! Get out of my yard."
Scrubs
"He's not good with people."
Scrubs
"He's great, but we really don't want to separate them."
Scrubs
"I already have a grandma."
Scrubs
"Oh, look at this fellow. Come here, boy."
Scrubs
"Got a little hard candy for you."
Scrubs
"Who's a good boy? You got a candy you can unwrap in a movie theater."
Scrubs
"Hey, what's up with the Janitor? He seems a little more lurky than usual."
Scrubs
"I pissed him off earlier today. How am I supposed to avoid him?"
Scrubs
"Put the hide-and-seek sensor on him. That way you'll always know where he is."
Scrubs
"It would take a very clever plan to hide this tiny penny-like sensor on him."
Scrubs
"Five bucks if you eat this penny."
Scrubs
"Done... and done."
Scrubs
"We pulled it off. See if it works."
Scrubs
"[Beeping]"
Scrubs
"My friend, we have just LoJacked the Janitor. Hello?"
Scrubs
"I've got a patient with osteomyelitis who needs a bone biopsy."
Scrubs
"Who do you use?"
Scrubs
"You've put me in an awkward spot because I'm a healer and I want to help,"
Scrubs
"but speaking to you would acknowledge your existence. You don't exist."
Scrubs
"So I'm going to address the stapler."
Scrubs
"Hi, stapler. The red is killer."
Scrubs
"By the way, there's a Dr. Brownsfield who is just the most wonderful bone guy."
Scrubs
"What? What's that, stapler? Oh, no. She... She's an actual doctor."
Scrubs
"Neither of you are very funny."
Scrubs
"Here are your lab results."
Scrubs
"[High-pitched] Oh, my God, Carla."
Scrubs
"- Elliot, what's wrong? - Yeah, Elliot, honey. What's wrong?"
Scrubs
"Nothing, I'm just very emotional because, um..."
Scrubs
"...Keith dumped me. I have to go."
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"Another one. Shoot."
Scrubs
"You do, but can I give you one piece of advice?"
Scrubs
"- Please. - It is all about confidence."
Scrubs
"Hell, be a cocky bastard. Throw 'em a wink every once in a while."
Scrubs
"Show me a wink. Show me the wink. Give me the wink."
Scrubs
"That's the guy. That's the guy who broke our friend's heart."
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"- Well, hey. He's probably hurting too. - Mmm..."
Scrubs
"Hey, baby."
Scrubs
"Carla, Carla. There is a better way."
Scrubs
"I don't like it, but Jordan tells her friends intimate details about me."
Scrubs
"The point is I'm sure Elliot has told you things about Keith."
Scrubs
"that you know things that he thinks no one knows."
Scrubs
"Oh, Keith, mind taking a walk with me?"
Scrubs
"Yeah."
Scrubs
"- Is Carla gone? - Yeah. She sure is."
Scrubs
"- Oh, thank God. - Say Barbie? We're even."
Scrubs
"Oh, no."
Scrubs
"All right. Before Carla arrives,"
Scrubs
"Incidentally, when this is over,"
Scrubs
"I'd love to get the back story on that name of yours, OK?"
Scrubs
"- [Beeping] - Excuse me."
Scrubs
"[Beeping]"
Scrubs
"What I've done is attached string to the bellybuttons"
Scrubs
"on these baby balloons to signify the umbilical cord."
Scrubs
"Make sure everybody gets one."
Scrubs
"Keith, you seem to have missed the point here. We're not really broken up."
Scrubs
"I can't believe you told Carla I made out with my sister in sixth grade."
Scrubs
"I don't understand why you're so embarrassed."
Scrubs
"You might not get pregnant for a very, very, very long time."
Scrubs
"I know it's gonna happen. You know what I'm looking forward to the most?"
Scrubs
"What's that?"
Scrubs
"When we go to our friends and I can tell them one-by-one, "I'm pregnant!""
Scrubs
"I think about it every day."
Scrubs
"Anyone tries to take those moments away from me, I'll kill them."
Scrubs
"Me too. Just need to send a quick text."
Scrubs
"Abort the plan! Abort the surprise!"
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"Abort the babies!"
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"Actually, I'm pro-choice."
Scrubs
"can get a bit complicated."
Scrubs
"Let me take that from you. You left the fridge open."
Scrubs
"Sorry."
Scrubs
"What are you doing?"
Scrubs
"- that she's pregnant. - [Machine] You have 59 messages."
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"[Woman] Carla..."
Scrubs
"[Carla] The answering machine's broken."
Scrubs
"And I don't think we have any more wine."
Scrubs
"Turk, can I have some of yours?"
Scrubs
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