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Clips from South Park - The List (S11E11)

"I am Abraham Lincoln."
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"You think you've been cheated because you are ugly,"
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"but I am here to show you otherwise. Come! There is much to see."
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"I want you to look in here."
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"This woman is Nancy Pinkerton."
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"As a child, she was consistently voted"
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"the most beautiful girl in her entire school."
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"Her life as a youth was filled with praises"
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"and everything being handed to her."
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"Boys told her she was special. She was funny. She was interesting."
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"But that's only because she was hot."
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"It wasn't until she reached age 40, when her looks started to fade,"
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"as a wet carrot."
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"This is the home of your new ugly friend, Yamal."
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"Because he's ugly, he gets nothing handed to him."
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"He has to work at making something of himself."
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"But that work is gonna pay off when he's an adult."
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"He will have character,"
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"he doesn't have to make any effort to be special."
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"Sure, yeah, I'll buy you some shoes too."
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"Now his life will be about girls."
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"Chatting with them on the phone and buying them shoes."
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"He will most likely marry very young,"
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"and not realize until age 40 that he's a total douche."
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"And so you see, Kyle, it is actually the beautiful kids who are cursed."
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"But I can't wait to be an adult to be happy."
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"That's forever from now."
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"I don't wanna be here anymore. Take me home!"
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"Very well."
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"Kyle, you need to think about what I've told you."
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"I don't want to! I don't want anybody telling me how to feel anymore!"
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"Well then, you're just a fucking asshole!"
South Park
"Take a look at this: During final deliberation of the list for cutest boy,"
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"I have no idea what you're talking about."
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"It is possible that Rebecca made a mistake"
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"when she tallied the sunshine votes onto the final list."
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"Oh, hey, Wendy."
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"Hey, Rebecca."
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"Do you still have the voter cards for the list that rated the boys' looks?"
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"Wendy, we're done with that list."
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"I know, but I think there's been a mistake."
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"That means that mathematically, he should have been--"
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"All right, you need to stop... digging... around, Wendy!"
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"You might not like what you find!"
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"That didn't sparkle with her, did it?"
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"Okay, is that everything, little boy?"
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"That should just about do it."
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"Do you like to put this on your True-Value card today?"
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"Honorary Chair, Mrs. Secretary,"
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"I believe a member of our committee has tampered with one of our lists."
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"I've compiled a full report and it turns out that"
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"nobody voted Clyde the cutest in the class."
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"I believe Rebecca changed the list to make him number one."
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"- Why would she do that? - Right after the list was made,"
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"Rebecca started going out with Clyde."
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"You can read all the discrepancies in here."
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"We need to remake that list."
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"You just couldn't let it go."
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"- What do you mean? Call the girls in. - I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy!"
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"Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's father owns the shoe store at the mall?"
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"A lot of us have always wanted to date Clyde to get free shoes,"
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"but we couldn't, because he wasn't popular enough."
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"You knew!"
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"Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde in the bottom five of the list!"
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"forge a new list and hide the real one."
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"So that you all could justify dating Clyde and get shoes?"
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"How dare you take advantage of your position!"
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"I'm gonna tell Bebe and have you both disbarred from the list committee!"
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"Bebe? Who do you think authorized the buyout?"
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"She's dating Clyde now. Nobody loves shoes more than her."
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"What's going on?"
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"Do you really think they'll believe you over the heads of the committee?"
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"We'll simple generate a new list! "Biggest Liars"!"
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"And put you at the top!"
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"Do yourself a favor, Wendy. Just let it go."
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"And keep your little mouth shut!"
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"Stan, run!"
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"Jesus, dude!"
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"Hey, kid, have you seen Kyle?"
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"We've looked everywhere and we have to show him something."
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"- He's burning down the school. - What?"
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"He said he gonna burn the school down to the ground."
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"All the cruel jokes and ridicule will finally be over!"
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"Are you happy now, God? You made me look like this!"
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"- Kyle! Kyle, don't! - Don't try and stop me, Stan!"
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"You don't know how it feels to be a deformed monstrosity!"
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"The list was a forgery, Kyle!"
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"- Stan, what is going on? - It was about shoes, Kyle."
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"The girls wanted shoes, so they set you up."
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"Kyle was simply a casualty."
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"To move Clyde meant Craig had to be moved to number twelve,"
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"So what number was I?"
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"You've compromised everything! Our list's integrity!"
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"Did you see these shoes, Wendy? They're incredible!"
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"It doesn't matter how incredible they are. You can't--"
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"- Oh my God, those are amazing. - Right?"
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"- Is that a lace across the top? - No, it's a little strap."
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"Oh. But it doesn't matter. You took it too far!"
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"If you hadn't gone all Nancy Drew on us,"
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"this would have just gone away!"
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"- She's gonna kill us? - It's too late, Bebe."
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"I've already made a full report and sent a copy to the police. People will know."
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"Oh please, you're lying."
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"Give it up, Bebe. We know all about it."
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"The list was compromised."
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"Kyle Broflovski is not the ugliest boy in the class."
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"Wendy!"
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"- Wait, I didn't do anything wrong. - You can explain all that downtown."
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"We've been through a lot, but you can finally see"
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"where you really are on the list."
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"Are you sure you're okay with this, Kyle?"
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"I'm sure. Abe Lincoln was right."
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"I don't wanna find out I'm good-looking"
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"and become a total shithead when I grow up."
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"Abe Lincoln?"
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"Stan, it's been really great hanging out with you again."
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"I feel like you've changed somehow. In a really awesome way."
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"Yeah well, I guess a lot of things change, don't they?"
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"I like girls with big vagina, I like girls with big fat titties,"
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"and grab the Pee Chee. Are we good?"
South Park
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