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Clips from The Simpsons - Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington (S14E14)

"We're ready to announce a winner in Springfield's 24th Congressional District."
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"Yay!"
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"I won. I'm a senator."
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"I swear to uphold and protect the Constitution of these United States."
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"I'd like to introduce a bill banning air travel over residential areas."
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"What are you? An idiot?"
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"You gotta pee in a bucket until your second term."
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"But how am I supposed to serve my constituents?"
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"Someone on this fakakta committee's gotta care about my Air Traffic bill."
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"I say we make them out of chocolate. Kids eat them. Why fight it?"
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"Oh, I need some air."
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"Do you need some hot air? We congressmen are full of it."
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"Krusty, we came to see how many campaign promises you've kept."
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"Uh, let's see. Did I promise to be a slave to big oil?"
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"- No. - Well, then none."
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"I thought you'd make a difference. I voted for you."
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"How could you vote? You're only 10."
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"This is not about me. Or how many times I voted."
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"You were gonna get rid of the airplanes over our house."
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"And now they're worse than ever."
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"And even worse, you let down this sacred document."
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"You're right. It's time I made a difference."
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"Dad, this is a kid's menu where you help Yogi Bear..."
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"...get to the Washington Monument."
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"Stained with the blood of American patriots."
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"I came here for a reason."
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"Hey, where is everybody?"
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"- Well, then why are you here? - I steal stuff when everyone's gone."
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"- Poor Krusty. - We gotta do something to help him."
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"No. Let's hear him out. He looks a little like Walter Mondale."
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"Yeah, looks like. Let's just say I know how a bill becomes law."
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"First it's introduced, then it goes to committee, then..."
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"Wrong. That's wrong."
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"Now, I'll show you how things really work around here."
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"...to send a get-well card to your aunt."
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"Ah! If they hear about this in Modesto, I'm ruined."
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"Now, Homer, that southern congressman is your biggest obstacle."
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"You think you can do it?"
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"Sir, I studied under Ed McMahon."
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"- How about before? - Ha!"
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"Okay, paperclip, do your stuff."
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"You call this a bicameral legislature?"
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"We will now vote on the Flags for Orphans and Airline Rerouting Bill?"
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"- All in favor? - Aye."
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"The system works."
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"I've become enchanted and illusioned with Washington."
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"At last those planes are flying where they belong."
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"Oh, stroke victim, eh? Unh."
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"Ew! Fox."
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"Now, I got you..."
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"I'm on my way."
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"...because it disturbed local wildlife and their mating rituals."
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"- No. - Good. Because we're the government."
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"But I think we have to move."
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"Why don't we go to our congressman?"
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"A murder/suicide pact."
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"How can you say that?"
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"Hey, Krusty should run for Congress."
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"Krusty, we need you to run for Congress."
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"...to rename everything after Ronald Reagan."
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"Bob Dole."
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"I'll have some more salad."
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"No. Connect."
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"He's really looking out for me, the average Joe Sixtooth."
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"If you send me to Washington, you'll all have a voice."
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"Krusty. Krusty."
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"...the pipes under my toilet don't lead nowhere."
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"Elect me and I promise those pipes will lead to a better tomorrow."
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"I do appreciate your being here, you're usually so mired in sleaze..."
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"Freshmen congressmen don't introduce squat."
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"My Christmas shopping's done."
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"...our plane leaves in a half-hour."
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"Oh, that's easy."
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"You remind me of my high school drinking coach."
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"Now, your job is to attach Krusty's bill to a more popular bill."
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"That's right, over the homes of poor people."
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"Mm, mm."
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"I'm gonna go calm my nerves with a nice relaxing shave."
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"When a man loves his country"
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"...and, well, I know how to get things done."
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"Congressman Beauregard?"
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"The House will now consider the Flags for Orphans bill."
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"They've been on my back like hump on granny."
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"You can't judge me by that sketch."
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"Krusty, you've let everyone down."
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"Now, enough talking. Let's drink."
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"There it is. Ha, ha."
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"Those jets keep going lower and lower."
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"Motion carried."
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"And I will not be silent until..."
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"But there's no way I'm letting your airline rerouting bill..."
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"Look, can you please just tell us why you've changed the flight paths?"
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"- What? - What?"
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"Congressman, I have a tape here of you using your free mail privilege..."
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"Why do we gotta watch The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood?"
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"I never thought I would say this."
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"Hmm."
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"Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"
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"Excuse me. I think I can help."
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"Hmm?"
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"I just passed the bill in three hours. Quit complaining."
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"Oh, no problem. We'll say you were on a fact-finding mission."
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"I blather on for hours."
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""Brittle Boneheads.""
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"Take it easy, Moe."
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"Why was I born a man?"
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"I got Lisa's plankton kebobs."
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"Maggie, give me that."
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"Are you threatening a government official?"
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"Never."
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"Ha, ha."
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"Whom will we put up for young Wilcox's Congressional seat?"
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"Excellent. Now, to the matter at hand."
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"Oh, three-bean salad."
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"We need you to turn your campaign around."
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"Krusty, we're desperate here."
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"And for the Democrats, this guy."
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"I like that clown."
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"Like Krusty loves America"
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"- That's jelly. - From the unknown toaster."
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