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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer Simpson in: 'Kidney Trouble' (S10E10)

"Can I go to the bathroom before we leave?"
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"We gotta get home. I don't want to miss Inside the Actor's Studio."
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"##"
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"There's a rest area. Pull over."
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"Can I go behind a tree?"
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"What are you? An animal?"
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"Whoever keeps saying ''please stop'' back there better quit it!"
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"Please go back! You can make it my birthday present."
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"We're almost home, Dad."
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"Only a couple more times over the horizon."
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"But I might explode!"
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"You just sit back and relax."
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"Oh, dear God!"
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"This man's kidneys have exploded."
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"- There's nothing left. - Oh, no!"
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"Homer, with all due respect, this X-ray reveals a textbook kidney blowout."
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"So you're saying I don't need a new muffler?"
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"I don't feel so good. Maybe I oughta eat something."
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"Oh, I'm afraid your eating days are over."
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"I'm amazed you're alive now."
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"Oh, I blame myself for this."
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"- Well, you could give him a kidney. - A kidney? Okay, fine."
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"You see, the waiting list for a kidney is very long, and-"
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"Oh, thank you, Son."
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"Hmm, I'll take the left one. It's good and springy."
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"Though the right one's not without its charms."
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"Pork chops, sloppy joes, hot dogs and... pork chops!"
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"Well, Dr. Hibbert said you have to build up your strength."
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"- Well, that's what I always thought, but somehow- - Check it out, Dad."
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"Gorilla Squadron, Gorilla Island VI."
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"Apes-A-Poppin;! Whoo, the airline version."
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"Ahh, I'm the luckiest man in the world..."
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"It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor says it's just a procedure."
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"No, no, no. Makin' polenta- that's a procedure."
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"You're talkin' about deadly, life-threatening surgery here."
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"Really? Do you think it's dangerous?"
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"Procedure! Deadly procedure!"
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"Whatever. The point is, with only one kidney..."
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"you won't be able to drink yourself stupid no more."
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"Now you're just tryin' to scare me."
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"Plus they'll put you on one of those organ donor sucker lists."
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"Everybody who wants an eyeball or a spine or a vestigial tail will be after you."
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"- But I don't want that. - Listen, I'm just gonna get right to the point here."
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"- Yeah, I guess. - And are those your original lips?"
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"Well, actually, I- Hey! Quit harvesting me with your eyes!"
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"Oh, yeah. That would look so good on me."
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"I gave Grampa that artificial kidney I invented?"
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"Why didn't somebody tell me what I was volunteering for?"
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"I know you're scared, Homie."
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"But remember why you're doing this. It's for your father."
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"''Jack and Jill went up the hill and-"
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"Jill came tumbling after. '' The end. Good night."
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"- You know, Son, I believe it is. - And Jack Sprat?"
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"- Is that him too? - Sure. Why not? Good night."
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"Is he the same as ''Jack be nimble''..."
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"and Jack Frost and LittleJack Horner?"
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"Well, giving him a kidney is a wonderful way to show him how you feel."
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"You're right, Marge. I'll do it."
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"- Oh, anything, sweetheart. - Blow up the hospital."
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"Hmm. Well, I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to."
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"Yeah, but all these skulls and crossbones on here."
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"It simply says you won't hold us responsible..."
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"It's a standard form."
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"We gotta get rid of that window."
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"Where'd he go?"
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"I can't imagine Dad running away like this."
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"Leaving his father to die?"
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"I can live at sea! The sea forgives all!"
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"Not like those mean old mountains. I hate them so much."
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"The sea won't stand for this."
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"Oh, I like taffy, but I don't deserve taffy."
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"- Hey, hey! - What's that?"
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"as part of the hospital's Last Laugh program."
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"Last laugh?"
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"So, how about that hospital food, huh?"
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"I wouldn't know. I'm not allowed to eat."
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"Okay. Well, let's have a look at the old chart."
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"Oh, boy! Ooh, looks like we're both short on time."
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"So I'll go to the big finish."
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"##"
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"Feel better."
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"Arr! What other ships have you been on?"
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"Good enough."
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"The name on the back says Honeybunch."
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"Yarr, I've been meaning to paint over that."
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"Did I mention they're... lost souls?"
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"We wander the seven seas trying to forget."
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"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go. I don't want you walking around during my story."
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"And I guess it is here too."
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"- Good Lord! - Oh, how could you!"
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"But you! You disgust even me!"
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"Well, yeah, I know-"
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"That's the best sand castle we've ever built, Dad!"
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"Or my kids."
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"Hey!"
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"Dr. Bombay, come right away."
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"Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now. And three hearts."
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"Don't worry about old Grampa. I'm going to a better place."
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"Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a goner."
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"- Son! - I'm sorry, Dad."
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"I knew you'd come through for me."
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"Now, Homer, this may sting just a tiny bit, but-"
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"Oh, son of a-"
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"Oh, dear."
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"He's waking up!"
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"Oh, Homie, I'm so glad you're all right."
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"Try not to move, Dad. You swallowed a lot of motor oil."
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"I'm sorry I ran off again."
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"Oh, I guess Dad must be dead by now."
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"and after I've built those shelves for the kitchen, we'll visit his grave."
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"Grave nothin;! I never felt more alive.!"
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"Oh, boy, I shouldn't have done that."
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"Hey!"
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"we helped ourselves to a kidney and gave it to your father."
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"You butchers! Give it back! Give me that-"
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"Na-na-na-na-na-na!"
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"Don't you dance out that door, you-"
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"I know you're a little peeved at Grampa, Dad, but you've done a wonderful thing."
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"so someone else can have a slight extension of theirs."
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"Yeah, I guess you're right. Give me a hug."
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