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Clips from Veep - Helsinki (S02E02)

"So I'm coming for you"
Veep
"I mean, would it be so hard"
Veep
"I wouldn't know."
Veep
"What's his name? I'll Google him."
Veep
"It was a lighthearted song at an informal event."
Veep
"and the carpet bombing at Dresden."
Veep
"Ignore Dan. He's hormonal."
Veep
"it's the opposite of her views on Europe."
Veep
"You need to do it like Mike."
Veep
"Yeah, I don't want to be like Mike, okay?"
Veep
"You should call him."
Veep
"And we need to keep the veep away from regular people"
Veep
"So while she's in Helsinki, just keep her out of Helsinki."
Veep
"So what's the latest? Any burning effigies of me in the Balkans?"
Veep
"Listen to this."
Veep
"but the reception here is very warm."
Veep
"- It's almost there. - Yeah."
Veep
"Isn't it great?"
Veep
"Yes, this is. Yeah, well..."
Veep
"Please don't make that face."
Veep
"You know I only do this when I go abroad. Come on."
Veep
"- I'm just saying... - I need my flaming redheads."
Veep
"So what's going on? How's the song going over in Finland?"
Veep
"What is that supposed to mean? I'm scared of subtitles?"
Veep
"of the 2008 swing state modeling?"
Veep
"Uh, not yet, but I do have a summary of the summary that's great."
Veep
"So..."
Veep
"Hey, Dan."
Veep
"- How's it hanging, Mike? - It's fucking insane here."
Veep
"It's like a math prison. They rape you with numbers."
Veep
"Imminent...al."
Veep
"All right, Mike, listen, just tell me one thing."
Veep
"happy guy, wocka-wocka bullshit to get the press to like you?"
Veep
"Oh, you want to learn to McLin-talk, huh?"
Veep
"You have to pretend that you're charming."
Veep
"It doesn't matter if the jokes are weak, keep it loose."
Veep
"Explains a lot."
Veep
"Call dickhead."
Veep
"I need you to come over here and explain this Dream Metric to..."
Veep
"Okay, so you want J-Rock to come down there"
Veep
"and spit some wicked wisdom in your ear. Is that what I'm hearing, Mike?"
Veep
"Look, if you do this, I will get you back in as the veep's resident creep."
Veep
"If I come down there, Mike, people are gonna wonder why I'm not in Europe."
Veep
"Don't worry, buddy. I can cover for you. Remember, I lie for a living."
Veep
"but I certainly am touched"
Veep
"Do you have any comment on the song?"
Veep
"Madam Vice President, would you have made"
Veep
"Guys, we really appreciate you coming out,"
Veep
"- but let's save the autographs for tomorrow. - Is she going to apologize?"
Veep
"- The vice president is here... - To apologize?"
Veep
"You're a long way from home, mate."
Veep
"This is really the line of questioning..."
Veep
"The vice president is here to sign a trade agreement"
Veep
"and forge a very important friendship between two great nations."
Veep
"At which point I'll perform a little street magic for you, okay?"
Veep
"I'm thinking nine of hearts."
Veep
"Sure we didn't overshoot and land in Russia in the 1950s?"
Veep
"- Yeah, what was with that British reporter? - I know."
Veep
"You do not want one of those on your back."
Veep
"By the way, that is not the way"
Veep
"Mike would have handled that back then at the airport, okay?"
Veep
"If Mike were here, we would have spent the entire flight"
Veep
""Oh, so close," every time he lost."
Veep
"Oh, look. That's nice."
Veep
"We've got some iPads to recharge."
Veep
"We have to summarize all this for the layman."
Veep
"Jesus, Mike. This is so basic."
Veep
"This is like high school all over again."
Veep
"Holy shit, grandpa, you probably still get your porn from magazines."
Veep
"to 500, 100, and 20-word versions."
Veep
"- Jonah. - Yes, sir?"
Veep
"- Mike? - Hmm?"
Veep
"Um, the vice president thought Jonah's talents might be..."
Veep
"We're supposed to inform Congress of covert operations."
Veep
"Now, this isn't a choice like my diet,"
Veep
"this is a necessity like my drinking."
Veep
"I am going to be taking soundings over the next 24 hours."
Veep
"like he's got eagles flying out of his dick."
Veep
"All this melodrama really explains your three divorces."
Veep
"Well, I'd like to divorce your head from your fucking neck."
Veep
"Something's really got 'em jumping at the White House."
Veep
"Okay, well, you need to go and apologize for the song."
Veep
"And don't make any jokes, okay, Dan?"
Veep
"Because with your face, when you attempt to be charming,"
Veep
"it really does come off as evil."
Veep
"- Oh, come on. - It's a small bag."
Veep
"- Are you complaining about this gift? - No, I'm not."
Veep
"- My dad always said I had lady's hands. - Well..."
Veep
"Wow."
Veep
"Don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look."
Veep
"Seriously, don't."
Veep
"Okay, guys,"
Veep
"to those who may have misinterpreted the song,"
Veep
"we, to them, offer apologies,"
Veep
"especially our most gracious host"
Veep
"the Prime Minister of Finland."
Veep
"I'm on your time... Helsinchronized."
Veep
"Yeah, well, I feel like I'm on two time zones at the same time."
Veep
"I might be the first woman ever to have parallel periods."
Veep
"You got to go to Europe, Amy, and I'm in my bedroom."
Veep
"Sean, you need to come to bed now."
Veep
"And lower your expectations. We will just be sleeping."
Veep
"It's not a crisis. Despite your standard-issue"
Veep
"hysterical washerwoman reaction, it's really not."
Veep
"Lives were at risk. You know lives?"
Veep
"Like what you had before they made you king of the undead."
Veep
"Your idea of crisis management is screaming, "We're fucked! Bury me!""
Veep
"We're fucked! Bury me!"
Veep
"Oh, yeah. Bullet in the head, unmarked grave."
Veep
"Madam Vice President."
Veep
"Madam Prime Minister."
Veep
"- Selina. - Yes?"
Veep
"- Oh, you'd like to go first? - Oh, we can..."
Veep
"- We can go together? Yes? - In tandem."
Veep
"We hope that when you come to our country, you will go fishing."
Veep
"Because no one will feed me?"
Veep
"No, but it is still a beautiful gift."
Veep
"Oh, I have it. I have it."
Veep
"Thank you. What a lovely clock"
Veep
"with an unusual bird."
Veep
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